Hot Men: PHOTO: Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, and Joe Manganiello do a little striptease for the July 2012 cover of Entertainment Weekly.
Ke$ha, Naya Rivera, and Katharine McPhee have all been seen sporting 1930s-era finger-waved looks.
Chanteuse Lana Del Rey looked perfectly lovely in her Alberta Ferretti gown, but the real attention-grabber was her 18-karat white gold necklace, which featured a 31-carat yellow pear-shaped diamond drop. That's quite the rock.
Berenice Bejo Actress Berenice Bejo of The Artist was picture perfect in bright red Louis Vuitton accented with Chopard jewels. Classic RED Dress.
WEIRD FASHION: Elena Lenina is a Russian model/author who appeared on a French reality television show in 2003
Lady GaGa @ Narita International Airport on Wednesday (May 16) in Tokyo, Japan.
Nicole Scherzinger, UK premiere of Men in Black 3 on Wednesday (May 16) at Odeon Leicester Square in London, England.
Jennifer Morrison
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Ricky Martin
Diane Kruger poses at the 2012 Cannes Film Festival‘s jury photo call held at Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes, France.
Eva Longoria. Cannes
Jane Fonda> Cannes
Diane Kruger,. Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes
Freida Pinto. Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes
Janet Jackson
Billy Ray Cyrus: Milk Campaign Ad
Brevard Zoo! The zoo welcomes its first Saki monkey baybay into the fold on April 20th. The cute female babe is mama Chuckie's first child as well.
PHOTO: Bruce Willis poses at the Moonrise Kingdom photo call held during the 2012 Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festival on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes, France.
See what your friends are reading Shared with friends Settings Roach In McDonald's Hash Browns: Man Finds Deep-Fried Bug Mealbreaker (n.): a nasty, non-edible surprise found in food while it is being eaten; often lawsuit-provoking, sometimes fabricated, always disgusting.
Princess Kate Middleton BRAIDED UP-DO
Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Todd. Fashion. Tiara. CLASSIC
First about Rosie. Today she saw Dr Wilhoite a gastro-enterologist. She is scheduled to have a colonoscopy on Monday: March 26th. She had a very bad morning and afternoon. Thank God she is now feeling better. Doc ONLY wants Rose to do a 3 day miralax prep. She is going to ask for respite hours from her Home Health Aide’s to help with the colonoscopy prep. That will relieve some of my stress.
Prior to Gastric Bypass (9-14-2009) I was on an insulin pump to control my diabetes. After 18 months I was able to go off insulin and on to metaglip PILL for my sugar. It WAS working well. I USED to test my glucose levels 5-6 times a day. Which I did religiously for 20 years. Since Rosie had Gastric Bypass (7-23-2011) I have been neglectful and rarely tested my glucose levels. I know I need spanking!!! Rose has been so sick and that makes me so stressed. I checked today and my glucose was 405 when 70-120 is the goals set my my doctor. I took 2 metaglips pills and it dropped to 287. Most people are extremely ill when it passes 250 or so. I just have been more fatigued than normal. Going to go back on insulin tomorrow. Gonna call my Endocrinologist and perhaps even go back on the insulin pump. Stress has always raised my sugar levels. As does infections.
I had a dream about MR HANDSOME the other night. We had a huge wedding with family and friends. It was gorgeous. After the wedding, Mr Handsome stood up and started laughing and saying it was all a prank and that he would never marry a FAT ASS like me and proceeded to kick me out of his house. I woke up…
Seems like I am not worthy of being loved. Just need a reassuring hug tonight.
I pray to have more faith, patience, compassion, self-esteem and confidence. I am lacking in those categories.
I pray that John’s wife Jan starts feeling better. Missed seeing him tonight. Hope to chat tomorrow via webcam tomorrow.
Today is my Daddy’s 72nd Birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!
Gonna take him out for lunch @ Capt D’s. Will take him out on Thursday to Red Lobster in Pigeon Forge. Both are faves of his.
Rosie went to her Gastric Bypass Dr Boyce. He is sending her to a Gastroenterologist Dr Wilhoite on Monday at 8:15 AM. Meaning I have to get up at 5 am to get Rosie ready and then off to Knoxville we will go.
Boyce ordered all sorts of lab tests. They needed only 3 vials… had to stick Rosie 7 times to get enough. Took 90 minutes! OUCH!
Rosie’s IPAD 3 HD arrived in Knoxville about 45 min ago. Will be delivered tomorrow. Rosie is so excited and so am I.
The past few weeks have been really rough on Rosie and I. Just wore out from stress. When Rosie improves I hope there is someway she, Dad, and I can take a vacay. WE DESERVE IT!
Praying for strength, energy, faith, compassion, hope, confidence, and patience.
Had a nice chat with my Best Friend John (friends only, he lives in Scotland, he and I have never met.)
Went to Rack Room Shoes. I got 2 pairs of bjorndal sandals.
Went to TJ Maxx but didn’t buy anything.
Went to Office Max. Rosie got a touch pen for her new Ipad.. will be here on the 16th. My laptop is touch screen so I am having a blast! Also purchased some gel INK Pens.
We ate at The Davy Crockett Restaurant, choose a meat Plus 2-3 sides… all under $9.99 Sides includes salads as well as Banana Pudding.
Rosie got the Open Faced Roast Beef Sandwich, Mashed Taters and Banana Pudding. She has not touched the nana pudding and has enough Roast beef for 2 more meals!
Dad got the sirloin, slaw, brown beans and Nana Pudding. He brought ALL of the sirloin home for our dogs!
I had the country fried steak. Ate about 1/3 of it and brought the rest home for the Boys (Snickers and Smoki). Mashed Taters, Side Salad (Country French Dressing) and Nana Pudding.
Smoki and Snickers went out with us. Dad stayed in the Van with the boys as we shopped.
I am THRILLED that Rosie is feeling so much better. She is back to her boisterous funny self… Thank God. I missed her. Love seeing her enjoying food. Been a long 7.5 months (Gastric Bypass) since she actually wants to eat and is able to enjoy it. BLESSED.
Going to pack clothes this weekend. Heading to West Virginia Next Sunday. Hoping to meet all of my West Virginia family at the new Arby’s in Pineville around 3 pm Sunday the 18th.
Pineville does NOT even have a McDonald’s. Closest McDonald’s is 13.48 miles away!
Closest Wal-Mart is 24.67 miles
Pineville does have a Dairy Queen now.
Going to call my Aunt Mattie and Uncle Harold (Springfield, OHIO) and let them know we are heading to Pineville. Hope they can meet us there.
Going to bleach Rose Lee’s Hair and Dye it a brighter red for Spring.
Dyeing mine Jet Black. Also going to cut some Bangs / Fringe to hide the wrinkles on my forehead. Yes, I do have wrinkles!
ALLERGIES are killing me. Sneezing. Breaking out in rashes when I go outside. Itching all over. Ear Tickles. Inflammation on my forehead. Sinus/Allergies Sucks!
Getting OLDER Sucks even-more-so.
Realizing that I let 46 years pass away without LIVING it.
Pray that I overcome my shyness. I want to have a bubbly, sparkling, boisterous personalty… I wish I could talk to men without having a panic attack. Wish I was able to be flirty. I just don’t have the confidence I wish I had. Always worried about something.
I still have Social anxiety.. afraid I am saying the wrong things. That I am bothering people. etc.
I am able to talk to gay men without any problem. Or I talk to men who live thousands of miles away so I won’t have to deal with them in person.
I Pray that I can start communicating with Straight Single men who live in Tennessee. Afraid of getting my heart broken again.
I have NEVER even had a girlfriend to talk with. No friends in School… I had few friends @ School but they never came to my house and I never went to theirs. Never called and spoke on the phone… etc
Rose Lee is my best friend and Sissy.
John is my best male friend. He lives 3,500 miles away from here. Friends Only.
I have some friends online. Just acquaintances. I would love to be able to have friends in my life. Someone to hang out with. Do things with, etc Laugh with. Cry With.
John is the only one who sees me cry. I share everything, all my thoughts, worries, anxieties. He knows me very well.
I bet I went 20 some years where I CRIED every single night. Feeling so lonely. I still cry on occasion but not like I use to.
I would LOVE to have a man to call me…not sure if I am ready.. I am getting there.
I have personal ads at a slew of websites. Get mail on a daily basis. Just don’t know which one I should write back so I don’t reply to any of them.
Asking God to guide me to the men, that will enhance my quality of life. Someone who will bring out the BEST in me. Someone who is Compassionate, Patient, Family Oriented and someone wants to help the less fortunate and who also adores animals.
I know the man God designed me for is out there praying to meet me. Praying for my family. I pray for that man every day and I have for 30 years. I know God wants me to have a helpmate. A Lover. A Friend. Praying that he enters my life soon.
I surrender my will to God’s will for my life.
Please Pray that God will help me overcome all my insecurities.
I Pray for confidence, the words to help encourage and bless others.
Use my smile to show God’s love to the world.
God, Here I Am.. Use me anyway you see fit. I am willing.
God Help me Help others.
I know I have it in me to overcome anything and everything that is holding me back from my full potential.
Change my personality Dear Lord… Make me bubbly, friendly, well spoken, and kinder.
Make me selfless.
Give me the words that people need to hear.
USE ME.
Please USE ME Lord.
I surrender.
Ready to change.
Change starts NOW!
I pray for everyone who read this .
I pray for everyone in the world to be nicer to one another.
FIRST OF ALL: I have noticed that a bunch of people who visit this site look up info on my friend JOHN.
So here is a quick Synopsis:
John is my best friend. He is from Scotland. We have never met face to face. Have no plans to. Professional Urban Planner. We met 5 years ago on a BBW Friendship website called Rating BBW. John is married and we are FRIENDS ONLY.
He was ONE of the hundreds of men who wrote me, who was actually NICE and not vulgar. 1st Webcam chat involved Religion and The Catholic Church. So unlike other men I would chat with.
I have only have webcammed with 4-5 men. Only live texted with 10 or less men. NO LIVE TALK! Text Only.
Since moving to Tennessee 7.5 years ago I have given my phone number to a man in The Netherlands and one in London, England. Both called me immediately. Spoke only a few min to each of those on 3-4 occasions…. That was 6 years ago.
John has my number and hasn’t called me since I have not given him permission to. I have his phone number and work number… have never called. We webcam with TEXT only. MY CHOICE. I have never heard his voice. I did make me a 90 sec video so he could hear and see me.
He and I are kindred spirits …providing support, friendship,and most importantly open communication. I have always been able to open up and share any and everything with him.We love one another. He is such a wonderful man. We both feel like we are soul-mates… in a friendship sorta way.
He has helped me become a better woman, person, daughter, sister, cousin, niece and friend… and to that I am very grateful.
I honestly don’t believe I would be here without him. He has helped me through some dark times. I go through periods of depression. I have since I was a teen. He is the only one who knows when I am suicidal… not as often as I USED to be. No one would look at me and say HEY she’s depressed, sad, and suicidal. I hide it very well. John is the only person I allow to know how I am feeling. He is kind, patient and compassionate.
I truly wish I didn’t have depression and suicidal thoughts. But they do creep in from time to time. I have severe social anxiety at times and at times I am mortified to leave the house. Been having so many panic attacks lately. DRENCHED with sweat. Rapid Heart Beat. Shakiness. HATE WHEN I DO! Ugh!
I was molested by a few boys/men when I was a child/teen. It has made me leery of men. Only had 2 relationships in my life. Last one was almost 18 years ago with Michael. So terrified of allowing any man to get close to me.
In the past 6-12 months I have made friendships with more people. Male and Female. Trying to learn how to have friendships. Not an expert at that. Always been abnormally shy. Ask any one I went to school with they will say that Angie Goode was the shy smart girl in school… and most would add FAT. I was 211 lbs in the 5th grade! I weigh less than that now. Always been ridiculed for my weight. Still am but I no longer allow it to get to me as I once did. I quit school when I was 16. So many nasty and negative messages sent to me. Name calling. People making fun of me cause no boys wanted to date me. I am crying just sharing this.
I was 25 when I got my very 1st kiss with Mike Hager, Jr. Well, a kiss that I kissed back.. not molested and forced to do so. I married the first man I kissed, dated, etc. Marriage did not last long. After that I had a 2 year long-distance relationship with Michael Northcutt. Actually the ONLY relationship I ever had. Didn’t have much of a relationship nor friendship with the man I married. I was young and foolish.
The day I met the man I married I was at my wits end. I told God I was going to kill myself that night UNLESS I met a man. Well I did meet one. Oh Boy did I ever….One of my docs called him a wolf in sheep’s clothing and another doc called him the living devil. He was and probably is still an alcoholic and drug abuser.. I have no idea. Anyway I THOUGHT I could change him and I was wrong. Haven’t seen him in over 18 years.
Now to present day. I truly want a man in my life. I do… but he has to make the first move.
4.5 years ago the man of my dreams wrote me on MySpace which from here-to-fore will be known as MR HANDSOME…. and told he would love to get to know me better… I was too scared to reply. We did become friends after that and I am sure he doesn’t even recall messaging me that particular message.
I have over 4000 friends on Facebook. Almost 2000 of them I met through the Zygna game Farmville which I have not played in almost a year. MR HANDSOME is on my facebook friends.
I pray to God all through-out each day and night to guide me to the man that He Created me for and vice versa. I am sure he is out there somewhere praying for me as well.
IF I am suppose to remain single I ask the Lord to take away this yearning for a companion.
I would do anything for a hug right now.
So terrified of men. Praying that I can overcome.
Surrendering to God…
All of me, All my wishes, All My Hopes, All My Dreams, All My Wants, Needs, and Desires…
I pray that they all are in accordance with God’s Will for my life…
Called Twin Falls Resort. Only time we could get the deluxe handicapped Cabin was March 18-19-20.
Only planned on staying 2 nights but they had a deal for 3 nights and we ended up saving $40 by adding another night!
Can’t wait to see my Family. I was born, bred and corn-fed in Pineville, Wyoming County, WV. Lived here in Tennessee for 7.5 years. My mom adored the Smoky Mountains so we moved here. She also adored the Boone County, North Carolina region. She passed away in 2006.
Lived in a trailer all my life till we moved to Tennessee. Have a nice brick 1600sq ft ranch style home on 1.5 acres in farmland country. When I was born Dad was driving a logging truck.. I was brought home from the hospital in that truck! I first lived in a camper. Yes a TINY Camper! Moved up too a 1000 sq foot mobile home eventually.
I miss my WV Family, but do not miss WV at all.
I love that everything is so convenient here in Talbott. We can be in Knoxville in 30-45 min. AWESOME!
Rosie made her famous Spaghetti. Can’ wait to eat it. YUMMY!
Hope to sleep tonight. Been getting by on 4-5 hours a night. It wears my body down. Hope to get at least 8 tonight.
Been laughing at some of my friends Twitter posts. So Hilarious.
Waiting for John to make it to chat. Should be any minute.
Today she went for her 7th ER Visit in 8 months. Twice in the last 2 weeks. All her vitals and blood work was normal today. She had a ct scan today and 2 weeks ago. It shows some air abscesses. In August she had MRSA Abscess all over her internal stomach. Was hospitalized for 21 days. I STILL BELIEVE SHE HAS MRSA ABSCESSES!
The ER Doc wants her to see her Gastric Bypass surgeon Dr Boyce in a few days. Dr Boyce is out-of-town so she will be seeing his partner Dr Williams. Hopefully morrow. Dr Williams treated Rosie in the hospital when she has MRSA. He is a really nice man and so is Dr Boyce. Both are very handsome. My latest crushes!
They will prolly send her to a gastroenterologist for an Endoscopy and Colonoscopy. She has never had a colonoscopy. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and had 5 colonoscopy’s and 6 endoscopy’s. WORST thing is the prep. Aka Cleaning out the bowels. Prep drinks are so yucky! UGH! I feel sorry for Rosie having to drink that $hit. Yucky! It is better ice-cold and with some crystal light mixed in…. but still so nasty!
So glad that I had access to MSN Live Messenger at University of Tennessee ER. Got to webcam chat with my John. Chat is blocked at Parkwest Hospital. He was still all dolled up in his business attire. Shirt and Ties make me weak in the knee’s. Love a man in a suit. Adore men who can wear a suit for work and then jeans for fun and play.
It made Rosie so Happy to hear that Rick Hendrix was praying for her. Made her smile. Thanks Mr Hendrix!
I am wanting another dog and cat! A rescued one.Hopefully one day I can live on a farm with tons of pets. I adore cats, Dogs, Donkeys and Billy Goats. I would rescue every animal I could. Love Animals. Easier to talk to than people. LOL! I have conversations with all my pets, 2 dogs and 4 cats. They truly understand all the words I put into their mouths. LMFAO!
I hadn’t ate much today so on the way home we stopped at Cardins Drive-In. I was so stressed that I ordered a Hot Fudge Cake. Man it was awesome but now I am so ill. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_dumping_syndrome UGH! NAUGHTY GIRL!
Rosie’s blood they drew tonight was almost black and thick. PT and INR was in the therapeutic range. She takes blood thinner to prevent blood clots. She has had so many blood clots that I have lost count. Even had one in her bladder. She inherited this from her Granny Goode. She has a GreenField Filter http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greenfield_filter to catch blood clots and prevent them going to her lungs or heart.
Joints frozen in her arms, hands, elbows, legs, feet, knees and hips.
She has not been able to walk since she was 16. She turns 45 this year. When Rosie was 12 a doctor told Mom that Rosie would not make it to the age of 21. So glad that doc was WRONG!
Rosie broke her tailbone 18 months ago. Still have aches and pains.
All of this and Rose is still one of the happiest people I ever met.
God knew I could not handle all that Rosie has went through and is going through. Just glad that God chose me to be her care taker. I adore her with all my heart. Not only my sissy but also my best friend.
Blessed to have Rosie in my life.
Still praying to finally meet the man God created me for. I know my Baby Love is out there praying for me at this minute. Can’t wait to meet him. Let him know I am praying for him.
Thanks for all your prayers. Just pray that the docs can find out what is causing Rose Lee’s tummy pain, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and lack of appetite. So stressful to know she feels so bad. I Pray that Dr Williams sends her to the best gastroenterologist in Knoxville… one that will take the time to listen and will run tests and scopy’s to find out what is causing all of this.
Snickers, Smoki. Panther, Jazzi, Punkin and Tater were glad to see us back home.
Smoki senses Rose is sick and keeps checking on her. Nurse Doggy!
Rosie was feeling so much better when we got home. That Zofran stuff is great. Just hoping that her insurance will cover it.. But I doubt it. Praise God that they have a generic form. Name Brand Zofran is $750.00 a month for a once a day pill. Generic is around $50….. $50 bucks don’t sound like a lot… but it is a tremendous amount for someone on Social Security Disability like Rosie is.
Saw this online…
I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong… I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve… I asked for prosperity and God gave me brain and brawn to work… I asked for courage and God gave me danger to overcome… I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help… I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities… I received nothing I wanted… I received everything I needed… TRUST IN GOD
Praying that Rosie sleeps well and gets some rest. Same for me!
Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us. Much appreciated and prayers returned. May God Bless and Prosper all of you.
Rosie and I went out to grocery shop after taking the boys for a drive through the countryside. Rosie got ill in the store and we had to leave. Diarrhea and vomiting. Believe me I have done nothing but clean up both ever since she had gastric bypass surgery on 7-24-11. She also had major cramping below her navel region. Wanted to take her to the ER but she wanted to come home and let me clean her up first. Well, we did that. She had no fever and decided to wait till tomorrow. We have been to the ParkWest Hospital ER 5 times since 7-24-11 with her having nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Took 3 ER visits to get them to admit her. Finally got an ER doc that would listen!!!!!
She had MAJOR case of MRSA abscesses in her stomach and spent 21 days in the hospital. The Last visit was 10 days ago…..her vitals, ct scan and labs were normal. They couldn’t do complete labs since she is a difficult stick. They SHOULD HAVE tried more times than they did. UGH!
She’s had 2 hernia repairs since GBS “Gastric Bypass Surgery” One in August 2011 and another in Feb 2012. After the most recent repair she got SEVERE DIARRHEA! I should know since I am her caregiver and it has been BAD! YUCK. She has had NO APPETITE since GBS. Was on TPN Feedings for 2 months. She has not ate a handful of food in weeks. She is weak. Has significant bruising on her body. I am sure she is dehydrated and malnourished.
We are heading to University of Tennessee Emergency Room tomorrow and NOT Parkwest Hospital.
Rosie NOW has a fever of 100.6. Giving her a Tylenol.
I just pray that we get a good ER doc who will investigate all her issues she is having.
I am taking enough clothes and toiletries for a few weeks. Sure they will admit her. Dad is gonna MAKE THEM! She is obviously sick. She has lost over 200 lbs in 13 months! Just so scared and worried about her. Stressed out to the max. All she has ate today is 1 1/2 deli thin ham slices and 1/2 slice of cheese. She has only drank about 20 OZ of fluids. Just not able to drink or eat much.
PRAISE GOD for all my friends in Scotland, Tennessee, and Texas. Don’t know what I would do without you. You all are a blessing. So glad I took a chance and decided to befriend all of you. You are GOOD PEOPLE!
My heart is beating too fast. Lump in my throat. UGH. Trying to relax.
Rosie took her phenergan and will soon be asleep. As soon as I know she is sound asleep I am going go to bed. EXHAUSTED.
Dad, Rosie, The Boys and I went to the Great Smokies Flea Market today. We took the Boys pet stroller which they both USED to fit in…. Snickers has grown so big that it was a tight fit. So Rosie bought a pet stroller than holds 4 small pets. Ended up selling the old Stroller to a lady for $20… she was thrilled to get it. It was a bargain. New stroller was $86
Rosie bought the boys new harnesses to go with the new collars she got earlier this week. So Snazzy!
Picked up some $1 jewelry items. I bought a long dress for $8 brand new. Rosie got her one as well.
Rosie woke up this morn and started vomiting as soon as she took her meds. Had nausea off and on all day. She fell asleep about an hour ago. Hope she wakes up feeling better.
Went to Capt. Gallery in Dandridge for Dinner. Rosie and I split the Ribeye, Jumbo Shrimp, Fried Zucchini and Salad. We have enough ribeye leftover to feed us both supper tomorrow. I also have some fried zucchini left over. YUM! Was gonna order some clam chowder but forgot to. Thank God.. I couldn’t have ate it. Was stuffed.
SnickerDoodle has been so protective of me this evening. Will not allow Smoki to come near me. Growling at him. Not sure why.
Need to find a dentist. Need a good cleaning and perhaps a filling. Want one closer to us than Dr. Frankie office.
Had a panic attack or hot flash… at the flea market. Was drenched head to toe with sweat for almost an hour. Skin was flushed. HATE IT.
Got home and my face is puffy. Wasn’t when I left. Not sure… but I bet it is allergy related.
Thinking about cutting bangs again. Not sure.
John adored my hair tonight. I rolled it with 1″ velcro rollers. Used tons of ‘em. Looked so feathery and shiny.
Rosie is craving an Hawaiian Ice so we are going on an excursion to find one tomorrow. Wish us luck.
Had issues with my balance today. Almost fell flat on my butt twice today. Just unsteady. Really need to get an injection in my right hip as Doc Kouser wanted to do.
SO HAPPY for my friends in Nashville. Good things are heading their way. Movie is being made by Universal based on their lives. INSPIRATIONAL! Blessed to have them in my life. I love em all. Hope that one day we can meet one another.
Just realized I haven’t taken my meds tonight.. Oops… BRB. Took em.
I haven’t taken my vitamins/minerals/supplements in a week or so. Gonna start back.
Also I have been naughty…. Been consuming way more carbs that I should. Makes me feel sluggish. I should know better but Carbs are so comforting to me.
Will prolly be going to West Virginia on Friday. Hope the large handicapped cabin at Twin Falls State Park is available. May have to change the day we go. We LOVE that cabin cause so many of our WV family can stay with us. :-)
Having aches and pains. May have to increase my dosage on my pain meds back to what the doc wants me to take. Tried to lower them and OUCH!
Dad was in a great mood this afternoon. Thank God cause sometimes he is the grouchiest old man on earth. Dad attracts so many women. Always trying to pick him up. He does NOT look 71 at all. Still has all his hair and he is indeed handsome. HE DOES NOT WANT TO DATE ANYONE.
I do want to date YET I get no dudes trying to pick me up. NONE. Only man who has come up to me and asked me out was the man (Hager) that I married. Rest of the men I dated were through personal newspaper ads.Men may be interested in me and I am just tooo dumb and socially inept that I don’t recognize it. Ooops… One other man asked me out at church in 1991. He didn’t have a car nor a job so I politely declined.
I don’t go anywhere without Rosie. Only time I have been apart was during hospitalizations. Maybe 3-4 times I was gone for a few hours with Hager. I did spend 3 over night trips at Gary’s (aka WV Millionaire dude) house
The only time I ever went on a date ALONE with a man was my honeymoon night… Always had Rosie or they brought their friends along. I would love to have a man pick me up, bring me flowers and take me out just for dinner. Just Dinner is all I ask.
Only one man has sent me flowers and that was Steven Bryant Ward aka Poison98. I met him through a Poison Chat Room that he hosted. He and I had a cyber which progressed to a phone relationship for almost a year. We had planned on him flying in from Tulsa, Oklahoma to West Virginia to meet and he backed out the week we was coming to meet me. We ended up staying together for a few months after that. He sent me flowers for my birthday. I am a December babe and the flowers were sent in a unique green globe ornament vase. Still have it in my bedroom.
Goodness, I have missed out on so much in my life…. It is time for that to change!
I know I have a few men who reads my journal often. One is The Actor, Game Show Host, Mr Intelligence himself Stephen Fry! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Fry He says he is 90% gay and 10% straight. I have written him a few naughty PRIVATE (you have to follow one another to send PRIVATE messages on Twitter) flirtatious tweets and he always replies. I love an intelligent man who knows who he is and stands up for what he believes in… way more than a handsome one. But I do admire a handsome warm heart and soul.
I know that some awesome things are about to transpire in my life. Excited. Lord, I surrender prepare me for all the new adventures I am about to undertake!
We are gonna take the Boys: Smoki Poki Loki (Carin Terrier aka Toto dog) and SnickerDoodle Bug (Miniature long haired dachshund) for a Sunday drive through the country side. We have taken Sunday drives for as long as I can remember. So relaxing. Love to admire all the glorious beauty God has created. Well it is relaxing until Smoki sees cows, deers, goats. horses, rabbits, etc. Then all heck breaks lose. He goes nuts. Barking. UGH! But what is even worse is when it is raining and we have the windshield wipers on… Smoki dives into the dashboard after them. UGH! And I am even holding him and his leash! Snickers and Smoki enjoyed having the window down today….As Bret Michaels wrote, “RIDE THE WIND, Never coming back till I touch the midnight sun.” I sing that to the Boys and they go bonkers cause they know I am about to roll down the window!
Asking the Lord Jesus Christ to help me SAY NO TO CARBS! Praying for energy to do more things. Chronic fatigue is debilitating. UGH. I am gonna do at least 30 min of household chores daily. Asking God for the willpower to do more things without pain and to control my appetite. I SURRENDER.
My cousin Brandy found 6 puppies dropped off on a country road in WV. They are so cute. She is keeping one and going to find homes for the others. Pray they all received loving homes. Looks like part German Shepherd.
When 9-11-01 happened I was seeing a psychiatrist prior to it happening. It was so difficult to deal with. A few months after it happened My shrink made me promise not to read or watch news about it. Still upsetting to me. Now all these tornadoes, hurricanes, natural [...]
For the past few weeks….well make that months… Rosie has been sick most days with vomiting, nausea, and/or diarrhea. She has not been her joyful talkative self.
She had Gastric Bypass 7-24-2011 and has had a tough time. MRSA, C. Diff, Hernia repair. All-in-all she spent almost a month in the hospital.I never left her side.
She sometimes goes a few days feeling better and then boom back to being sick. She is doing well today. Even went online using her laptop for a few hours. That makes me so happy. She has not been online more than 10 min in months. She normally loves to surf the web.
She had another hernia repair a few weeks ago. It was the 3rd umbilical repair she has had. One was only last August.
Since January 2011 she has lost over 200 lbs. She is getting so skinny. Still not eating much… but is trying to. Doing our best to get more Protein in her. She is now sound asleep. Praise God.
Plans are to go to The Great Smokies Flea Market tomorrow. Taking the boys, Smoki and Snickers. Gonna get them fitted for new harnesses. We got Smoki a gold rhinestone collar and Snickers a Silver one. They look so cute in them. Just hope they both can ride in the doggie stroller.
I know I prolly over-shared too much in CONFESSION TIME entry which I subsequently removed. I wanted my ex-husband to read it and he did. I left the entry up for 24 hours. I know some of my family and friends read it as well. I just wanted to be honest and not allow HIM to threaten me with things he knew about me and did with me. It was only sexual things… no drugs involved at all with ME.
Really need to have a long chat with John. So much I wanna hear his opinion on. He has been sick or working too much lately. Hope to have a long deep conversation with him tomorrow… via webcam.
My hair is rolled in some new velcro curlers I got some Sally Beauty. Can’t wait to see the outcome.
Amazed at how skinny I looked in that striped dress I wore last week. Still wanna lose some more weight. Gotta get down to the nitty gritty and just do it! Rosie only weighs 20 more pounds than me now!
Looks like we may get to go to the movies on Tuesday. Not sure what to see.
Gonna rent Tower Heist on demand tomorrow night.
Took a 2 hour nap this evening. Barely slept. Just rested. This weather is wrecking havoc on my fibromyalgia. Plus I have cut my dosage of my pain meds in half. Will go back to full dose in a week. Just don’t want to get addicted.
Just feeling so much peace lately. Been so stressed out with Rosie being sick for the last 8-9 months. Not easy seeing her so ill and bed ridden at times. Grateful that she is doing better and that we can go out and do things.
At least now I have no issues going out in public. Used to have MAJOR ISSUES leaving the house. Wouldn’t go out unless Rosie MADE ME. So nice to have such a loving sister. I still have panic attacks… mainly in checkout lines. Rapid heartbeat, shaky inside, worst part is the major perspiration. I blame it on menopause “Hot Flashes” but I actually know it is related to my nerves.
I am being coming more self-confident. Losing weight has really helped me. I can do more things but still have aches and pains daily from fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. There are days when I know I look exquisitely beautiful. I now even go out grocery shopping sans my war paint on occasions! Been wearing shorter dresses to show off my spectacular legs. Man, I am getting conceited. LOL!
I have made so many new friends online. They all have helped me be a better person. Doing my best to be more outgoing online. But still have fears that I am bothering people or that I am saying stupid $hit and being made fun of.
I use to care what STRANGERS, STALKERS, BULLIES online said about me, now I don’t really care what they say. What is most important is what My family and friends think of me …. not what some sorry assed bullies think.
Amazed that I allowed people to bully me and I am over 40. Same Old stuff I allowed people to bully me about in high school… my weight, my lack of relationships, my lack of this or that. I no longer bow down to those who put me down. Screw them all.
My family and friends now the real me and know how special I am. Compassionate, Loving, Intelligent, Humorous, Spiritual, Loyal..
I am gorgeous inside and out!
My Blonde Long-Haired Mini-Dachshund worships the ground I walk on. He adores his Mumsy!
Dad told me and Rosie that if we find a pug on the side of the road that we could have it. Gonna look around shelters and if we find one. I am gonna get Dina or Peggy (Rosie’s Home Health Aides) to go get it and drop it off at our house. LOL!
Rosie is THINKING about getting an IPAD 3 when it comes out. We don’t even have an iphone. Rosie does have an LG Smart phone which we use to make emergency calls, send text messages to John, Twitter, FaceBook… but we have never went online. We pay as you go… I hate talking on the phone and only do it when its an emergency.
Want to Thank Rosie for all the new clothes she bought. She and I will be able to wear the same size soon. :-)
They are days when I THINK about getting a job…. not really possible with having to take care of my handicapped sister Rose Lee. I am on SSI disability for my chronic pain, depression, anxiety, diabetes, kidney failure, high blood pressure, Charcot-Marie-Tooth Syndrome, thyroid, and diabetic neuropathy.
If Rosie continues to improve she and I are going to start aquatic therapy. I am suppose to be in physical therapy for my Fibro but since Rosie has been ill it has been postponed.
My moods are much more stable. Praise The Lord. I couldn’t even stand myself for a few weeks. I hate it when I allow small issues to upset me. I get so down sometimes that all I think of is killing myself. Wish that would stop happening. No one knows what that feels like unless you experience it for yourself.
I just wish I was capable of overcoming my fear of straight men… not scared of gay men at all. I know that they are not interested in me sexually.
I absolutely adore sex, affection, intimacy, just afraid of being hurt again. I know I am gonna have to overcome this. I truly want to.
I have hundreds of men wanting to get to know me better…all online through myspace, facebook, twitter and my personal ads. I am too selective. Just don’t know which to respond to.So I respond to none of them.
I have dated paupers and millionaires.
Unemployed, Store clerks, fry cooks, military, body builders, and entrepreneurs.
Weight from 150 to 340.
Height from 5’6 to 6’5″
Hair color from blonde to black.
Eye color from Blue, Brown, Green.
Goatee’s to mustaches.
I HAVE NO TYPE.
BUT if I had to choose.. he would have dark hair with perhaps some silver. Clean shaven to Scruffy. Over 5’8″. Under 225 lbs. Must LOVE Family, pets, movies, music, traveling, God, and ME!
I truly believe God wants me with a helpmate. I would not have had this fervent desire for 30+ years. I have prayed, cried, begged, pleaded for God to take away this desire or send me my helpmate and so far I still have the desire and I have not found him.
I have given my heart to two men. The last one was over 17 years ago.
I am in love with my friend John, but he is married. We are best friends. Share everything. Only man who has ever been there for me. Known him for over 5 years. Never met him. Never even heard his voice. We cam with text only, by my choice. He lives in Scotland. John has been the only man I have chatted with online or webcammed with in 5 years.
I always choose men FAR AWAY so I won’t have to deal with a REAL Relationship.
For the last 17 years I have had “cyber relationships” with a slew of men. Most don’t hold my interest for very long. I get bored very easily.
Going to take a special man to capture and keep my interest.
A few months ago I started talking to a few guys online. Made some ‘friendships’ … but they have shown no interest in getting to know me better. Really interested in a few of them. Waiting for them to make a move and it ain’t happening fast enough and perhaps never will.
I am such a handful. So moody at times. Not very social but improving.
I have health issues Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and Diabetes.
Plus I have a disabled Sister Rosie that God selected me to be her caregiver for the rest of her life. Not sure any man would be able to accept that.
Dealing with molestation as a child/teen. No wonder I am frightened.
In the last year or so I have a received a few thousand messages from men at Facebook and on Dating sites who want to get to know me better. BUT I never reply back.
I am considering corresponding with a few of them. MAYBE.
I am shaking even thinking about that.
Wish I was not scared of LIFE.
I don’t want to select the wrong man to give my attention to.
I want ‘the one’ GOD created me for.
I want God to knock me up the side of my head and tell me which man to write back.
I need God’s guidance and infinite wisdom.
I have prayed this same prayer for over 30 years now.
I surrender to God.
GOD PLEASE HELP ME.
Help me cope with men and relationships.
I have not even given my phone number to any man in over 5 years.
Hate that I don’t deal with things as well as I should.
Seems like have the social skills of a 6-14 year old… once again that goes back to me being molested.
UGH!
Damn it Angela. Grow Up. Live Your Life
Asking that those who read this pray for me. I will be praying for you.
Lord, guide me and my soulmate/helpmate together.
I surrender US to thee.
Send me a man who is spiritual, compassionate, one who will adore me as I will him.
He doesn’t have to be handsome nor wealthy.. Just financially secure enough to be able to provide Rosie and I with a home, a car, and be able to pay the bills. Not too much to ask.
I love a man with a sense of humor. A warm smile, A gentle heart.
I adore movies, music, pets, food, and traveling.
I have never seen the ocean!!! NEVER.
I also have never flown on a plane…. But I am willing.
Would love to travel the world.
I once considered being a missionary until God led me to be a caregiver for my family.
I want my life to start tomorrow!
Hell no, to start TONIGHT!
I am sick and tired of not living.
Not allowing myself to enjoy things.
From now on I want to LIVE, Experience all life has to offer.
God I surrender all of myself to you.
Guide me.
Open doors I never knew could open.
Hold my hand. Lead me. Walk with me.
I give ME to Thee.
I know You will not let me down.
I have faith and hope.
Show me my destiny.
Help me to
LIVE.
LOVE.
LAUGH.
INSPIRE OTHERS.
Praying for the man You created me for.
I believe in destiny.
I know I was created, designed, molded for one special man.
Comfort THE ONE I am meant to spend eternity with..
Grant Patience and Knowledge to Us both.
I surrender US to thee.
GOD IS LOVE.
Show me that I am able to love and be loved in return.
Rosie had a bad day. Diarrhea, Nausea, and Vomiting. Still having swelling and pain in her abdomen. Hate seeing her be so miserable. She sees her surgeon on Wednesday.
My moods fluctuated wildly today. So worried about Rosie.
Did get in an hour of housework. Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia sucks.
Didn’t get to see John tonight. Pray he is feeling better. Poor Baby.
Missing some of my friends. Pray that they are doing well.
With Rosie going through good days and bad days since her gastric bypass (June 26th, 2011) is really taking its toll on me. I have to do more since she feels so bad. Hasn’t been on her laptop, netbook or PC in over a week now.Yep, Rosie and I have our own laptop and netbook but we share the PC.
I get thrilled when she is feeling good and then severely depressed when she isn’t.A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS!
Haven’t slept well in over a week. May get in 2 straight hours at a time. Frustrating but Rosie needs my assistance with so many things.
Hope to get all dolled up for our trip to Knoxville on Wed. Hope to take some new pics.
Missing my family in WV but will see them soon as Rosie feels better. Will stay at Twin Falls in a cabin.
Hope that I can sleep 4 straight hours tonight. Would make me feel so much better.
Sending love to all my readers. Thanks for your prayers, support, and words of encouragement.
I have been missing my mom so much.Been over 5 years since she passed. Dream of her nightly. She was such a blessing to all those who knew her. I LOVE MY MOMMY!
Glad that my Dad is doing well. He will be 71 in March. He has done so much for Rosie and I. I am so grateful for all he does.
Almost 3 am and everyone here is sound asleep except for me. I stay up late most nights. Rarely get in bed prior to 2 am.
Rosie and I watched ZOOKEEPER tonight. It was so-s0.
May go to the cinema’s this week if Rosie feels like it.
Everything is so convenient to us here. We are blessed to live on 2 acres, in a nice brick ranch home. Live with-in 40 min of Knoxville… that is when I drive.
Hope Rosie wakes up with her edema gone. Poor baby felt bad this evening. Running a 99 fever. She normally runs around 96-97. Hope she does not end up in the hospital this week. Been so stressed and worried about her. Hate seeing her in so much pain. So happy that she is at least eating again. Had been almost 4 months since she has enjoyed eating without nausea and vomiting.
Rosie wore my red size large sweater today. She is getting skinnier by the day. She will get weighed on Wednesday. I bet she has dropped 20 more pounds. Gonna be thinner than me soon.
Dad, Rosie and I ended up at O’Charleys after grocery shopping. Rosie and I split the steak and shrimp. Rosie ate one shrimp and about 3 oz steak. Nothing else.
I had 3 shrimp and an ounce of steak. Only had 3 spoonfuls of the tater soup. They brought me enough Caesar salad to feed an army. Ate only about a cup. Was stuffed. The Boys had plenty of leftovers from us, including prime rib from Dad.
Got a lot of bargains at the grocery store. Dad and I are having coconut shrimp tomorrow. Rosie is having her fave fish : orange roughy. Cooking roasted corn, roasted asparagus and perhaps a tater dish. Fresh Strawberries for Dessert. YUM YUM
Rosie and I need to hit the mall this week to see what is on sale. Needing some new short dresses or skirts. Adoring my legs.
Didn’t get to webcam with John tonight. He was expecting a storm so he is prolly without power. He has been feeling so bad for almost a year. Back, Shoulder, and Elbow issues. Lately he’s had a toothache. Pray that he is sleeping well tonight. Hoping he is warm and toasty. He is my baby Love. We are soul-mates. He has helped me become the lady I am today. I am gonna make him a new video of me. That always makes him feel better.
Haven’t heard from SJ or RH today. Hope they are relaxing and enjoying life. They both work too hard. Sending prayers their way.
Gonna holler for my babies: Snickers, Smoki, Jazzi, Punkin and Tater and head to my bedroom. Most nights I have 3-4 of em in bed with me. I stay in Rosie’s room till 2-3 am encase she needs me. We have a phone intercom system if she needs me while I am asleep.
I have lost 110 lbs and Rosie has lost over 175 lbs. She is sore from her hernia repair. Hope to get her up in her wheelchair tomorrow. Made her rest all day. She is eating so much better. Still in small quantities. At least she is not nauseated nor vomiting now. Praise The Lord.
I have so many new friends on Facebook and Twitter. I love em all dearly. Cher is even following me!
We no longer play Farmville.
Love our new dog SnickerDoodle (Longhaired Miniature Dachshund) He is blond with copper nose and eyes. No one has ever seen one like him. He is so precious. Sleeps with me and worships the ground I walk on.
Smoki (Cairn Terrier) is buddies with Snickers. Even our Cats LOVE him: Panther, Jazzi, Punkin, and Tater.
Hope to head to Gatlinburg /Pigeon Forge/ Sevierville this weekend.
Rosie goes back to see her surgeon on the 22nd in Knoxville.
Plan to go to West Virginia next month.
Rosie and I have become friends with RH a music promoter/energy company CEO/ political adviser/ Doctor/ and all around decent Christian man. Also friends with SJ who is RH’s CFO. Friendly with a lot of their friends. They all have accepted my friendship with open arms. They give me so much love and support. They have helped me gain confidence and self-esteem. MAY GOD BLESS THEM ALL!
Rosie and I have some exciting news but we are not at liberty to offer any details as of yet. Waiting to hear the decisions they have made. WOW! I can’t wait.
I have never been this excited about anything compared to the way I feel now… I am starting to love and enjoy everything that God has blessed me with… looking forward to see what else is coming my way. Rosie is just as excited as I am.
Receiving all sorts of messages from men wanting to date me… undecided. Waiting for the Lord to guide me.
So glad that Rosie did well with the hernia repair. I am so blessed to have her as a sis and as my best friend.
Still close to John. We webcam chat daily. Such a major supporter of me. Without his encouragement I would not be the woman I am today. THANKS BabyLove!!
Allergy shots tomorrow IF Rosie is able to sit up and get in her wheelchair.
Snickers is eating a granny smith apple. Carrying it around. So cute.
Excited about the upcoming Elections. I am a proud liberal Democrat !
I believe in Equality for everyone!
I have lost 2 lbs in the last 365 days… but have lost 5″ from my waist! HAPPY DANCE!
Missing all my WV cousins. Love all of you. Hope to stay in a Cabin at Twin Falls Resort next month. All of my family is invited! Had a blast last time.
Not having as many panic attacks as I use to…. BUT when I do they are nasty…. flushed face, severe sweating and the shakes. UGH!
Still having flare-up from my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. That will probably never change. Trying to cope and deal with it. Extremely tired tonight. Been having Fibro Fog. I hate it so much. My mind works in slow-mo at times. So forgetful.
IBS is under control. No accidents in months.
Diabetes treated only with a pill. Been off insulin pump for months now.
So hopeful for my future. I surrender to God. Everything. Total. All of me. Use me. Guide me. Give me Patience, Wisdom, Hope, Faith, Trust, Love, and Health. I ask that for me, as well as my family and friends. SERENITY.
Well, Rosie is doing ok. Has a blood clot in her left leg. It has been swollen and painful. It is only superficial.
Her umbilical hernia has been repaired twice in 10 years. It will be repaired again on Monday at ParkWest Hospital, and she will be also having a tummy tuck. She has lost 15″ off her waist now. Dropped over 175 lbs. She even has lost 3″ off her neck. She has had a few good days. Her intestines are poking out from the hernia. Looks weird…. you can see it move and all. It causes her to have nausea. She has actually ate the past few days. She goes days without much nutrition at all. Just doesn’t want to eat. Hoping the hernia repair makes her less nauseous. I love her so much. She can now wear size 8-9 panties! Smallest shirt has been a 14.
She will be fitted for a new electric wheelchair in June. She is so excited. Her current chair sucks! Gonna try and see IF she will fit in our Mom’s old electric wheelchair tomorrow. Hope she can. It would be much more comfy for her. She has been wheelchair bound since she was 16. Can’t walk at all. She can stand for about 10 sec. Rosie will be 45 in May. She is perhaps the happiest person I have ever met. Proud to call her my best friend and My Sissy!
Had another CT SCAN on my tummy and nothing abnormal was found. Even though I have not lost any additional weight My waist is down to 35″ now. Was 40. Guess I am STILL Shaping up. I have lost 110 lbs. My hips are 38″ without measuring the excess skin hanging from my tummy. Smallest dress I have worn is a 10. I am gonna lose a few more pounds and somehow TRY to get my insurance to pay for a tummy tuck. WISH ME LUCK!
Still having aches and pains from Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. Shoulders, Thighs, Knee’s, Elbows, Hands and Feet. Seems that will never change. Insomnia is not as bad. TRIED sleeping without my sleep meds the other night. Finally gave in and took em at 6:30 am and slept like a babe. Wish I didn’t get so tired, so easily.
I have made a few more friends via Twitter and Facebook. Some I consider dear friends. I am blessed. Panic attacks have lessened. Doing my best to become more outgoing. Being more receptive to men.
Sending special prayers to Brandy, John, Dreama, Bret, Shane, Chrissy, Stephen, Janna, Russell, Carmen, Rebecca, Terri, Sara, Becky, Charles, Shay, Blake, JR, Sue, Earlene, and Rick.
♥ LOVE U ALL ♥
I know that this year will be MY YEAR!
My moods swings have stabilized for now.
I started allergy shots a few weeks ago.
Still close to John. He gives me so much support, encouragement and serenity.
I am more confident than ever. I even go out grocery shopping without any makeup.
Receiving lots of attention from the male species. Loving it. Receiving just as many flirts when I have no makeup on as I do with full Drag-Queen makeup.
Grateful that I don’t look 46. Some people think I am in my early 20′s….. love that!
I cut Rosie’s hair in a medium length shag. First time we curled it was tonight. Can’t wait to see the results tomorrow.
Plan are to go to West Virginia in March. All depends on Rosie’s recovery.
Dad is taking THE BOYS “Smoki and Snickers” everywhere we go”.
Tater Bug
Jazzi
Punkin
Our life is good and is only gonna get better!
Hopefully over the next few months we will be able to share some very exciting news and changes happening in Our lives. We have High Hopes.
After 17 years of celibacy I have decided to date!
Praying for wisdom, guidance and patience.
I am also becoming more extroverted online and in the real world.
Been blessed to be making more friends online. I am actually messaging a few male friends back now. :-) MAJOR ADVANCEMENT !
BUCKET LIST:
Date Again!
See the ocean.
Fly in a plane.
Get my passport.
Get married again.
Use all the gifts God gave me.
Be more supportive of everyone… except Republicans. LOL!
Be more compassionate.
Be more outgoing.
Stop having social anxiety and panic attacks.
Get use to talking on the phone without having a panic attack.
Get healthier.
Smile more.
Help those less fortunate.
Be more patient.
Be more vocal online.
Lose more weight.
Make new friends.
I have a few men that I am interested in. Just wanting for them to make a move. Having all kinds of men flirt with me online and reality… I am now trying to FLIRT with guys in person. Social Anxiety Sucks!
I am so proud of Rosie. She has lost 175 lbs now. She will be able to get fitted for a new wheelchair in July! Rosie only weighs 35 lbs more than me now. Looking great! You go sis! Rosie is wearing size 20-22 jeans now.
I am down to size 10-12 in jeans. :-) Down from a 26. WOO-HOO.
Rosie and I both are now getting allergy shots.
Thinking about talking to my family doc about my mood swings.
May even start seeing a shrink again.
Wish Rosie would not have so much nausea and vomiting. She even had a dizzy spell today.
Having fibromyalgia aches and pains.. plus Fibro Fog. I hate the mental confusion it creates. Not thinking clearly. Seems like I think in slow-mo. HATE IT!
Enjoying my new puppy. SnickerDoodle, he is a BLONDE Long haired Miniature Dachshund, who worships me!
Snickers gets along with all our pets: Smoki, Jazzi, Punkin, Panther and Tater.
Snickers loves going bye-bye.
Smoki and Snickers love baskin-robbins ice cream. Take them every few weeks.
My Best friend John has been having health issues. I am worried about him. Pray that he gets better and that he sleeps well.
I have been wearing short skirts, pantyhose and knee high leather boots. I have fabulous legs! Bet I tried on 20 pairs of boots till I found one to fit my skinny legs.
I layered my hair a few weeks ago and can’t believe how wavy it is naturally.
Haven’t had much sleep lately. Rosie wakes me up a few times nightly. Tummy issues. Pray that I get some decent sleep tonight.
Praying for the man I was created for, the one God designed for me. I KNOW you are out there waiting for me. Thinking of me. Praying for me. Maybe we already know one another. Grant US both wisdom, guidance, & patience. Open up our hearts, minds, souls, and spirits to recognize each other when the time is right. Happy about my future. I know it is gonna be a good one!
I believe that God speaks and gives signs to some people… I pray that this night that God speaks to me and/or to my helpmate. Let US know. Comfort us. Give us patience. Let US Dream of one another.
Hope to travel to WV to see my family in a few weeks. I love and miss them dearly.
I am so proud of my sissy Rosie… She has lost 170 lbs in the last year. She is only 40 lbs away from my weight now. Just wish she didn’t have nausea so often. Praying for her.
I am still having bloating, gas, left quadrant pain, diarrhea alternating with constipation. Dr Boyce got my insurance to approve an abdominal CT scan.. It is scheduled on Tuesday. IF It shows what Dr Boyce expects he will be able to correct the roux-en-y surgery and help me lose additional weight. would love to lose 50-75 additional pounds. I am still over 200lbs. Barely but still! Wearing a size 12 now.
Love all the new male attention. I have a slew of online male suitors. Hoping one in particular asks for my phone number.Had a gorgeous man from Atlanta interested in me…. but he turned out to be a jerk. Have so many young BOYS wanting to get to know me better. I will only date men over 40. Not interested in any man who is under 40 at all. I have a few online personal ads… all state you must be a SINGLE/DIVORCED Male, a Christian, a Democrat, and over 40. Must love family, movies, music, pets and traveling. Other than that I am pretty open to talking to a man.
John and I are still very close. We will always be close…. but both know and accept the fact that we will never be together.
I am tired. Hope to update more on what has been happening in our lives later this week.
I have been tested for allergies… about 11 years ago. Found out I have Allergic Rhinitis aka allergies all year long. Only allergin that I tested positive for was birds and feathers.
I am on Claritin D now. Not been successful at all. May have to go see an allergy doc.
I have been feeling miserable. Just feel WEIRD in my entire head. Confused thoughts. Memory issues. Thoughts in slow-motion… rambling… incoherent.
I had a short chat with John tonight since I was so out of it. He looked so spiffy. Light blue dress shirt and blue tie. His normal chat wear is sweats. Love seeing him all dolled up. My normal chat attire is sweats or pajamas. No makeup. Hair in ponytail.
I am not as vain as you may think I am. I often go out shopping without any makeup and I occasionally even wear jeans or sweats out. I prolly wear a dress 75% of the time when I go out. I know that I over-dress often and wear too much makeup but I love changing my looks! It is FUN being a girl!
I have an appt to see a podiatrist tomorrow… I have some blisters from wearing a pair of new black leather sandals…. and I am now in possession of 4 open raw sores. NOT GOOD for a diabetic like myself. Will prolly have to get a new pair of diabetic shoes.
I hadn’t drove for 2 months until yesterday. Hope to drive more tomorrow… that is IF my head is feeling better.
I ordered a bunch of makeup products from Sephora yesterday. Can’t wait to try them all.
Sephora: SEPHORA COLLECTION Arch It Brow Kit: Eyebrow Enhancers The secret to a “stop-’em-in-their-tracks” stare is perfectly shaped brows. This little black case holds all of the arching, shaping, and grooming tools you’ll need to achieve that killer glance you dream about… http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P65404&categoryId=RVP
Sephora: SEPHORA COLLECTION Buildable Cover Complexion Kit – Light ($78 Value): Combination Sets What it is:A user-friendly, six-piece ensemble for a flawless-looking face in a flash.What it does:Sephora Color Buildable Cover Complexion Kit – Light is a high-value, all-inclusive ticket to a smooth, customized finish… http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P240014&categoryId=RVP
Sephora: SEPHORA COLLECTION Makeup Studio Blockbuster ($440 Value): Combination Sets What it is:A portable case with 193 makeup products for creating an unlimited range of looks. What it does:Designed in Paris with the favorite shades of Sephora’s own Pro Beauty Team, this functional palette pays… http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P294706&categoryId=RVP
Sephora: Tarte The Starlet Limited-Edition Makeup Vanity ($505 Value): Combination Sets What it is: A limited-edition mirrored makeup vanity that has all you need to glow your way through the season. What it does: This makeup vanity features meticulously crafted lustrous mirrored panels with beveled…. http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P296604&categoryId=RVP PERFUMES: Thierry Mugler Womanity Eau de Parfum Spray, Someday By Justin Bieber Eau de Parfum, & Bvlgari MAN Eau de Toilette Spray. (For Daddy)
FREEBIES: Sephora Collection Perfecting Ultra-Smoothing Primer AND Bare Escentuals Matte Foundation in Fairly Light + Mini Kabuki Brush + bareMinerals Purifying Facial Cleanser .
Should be here in a few days. Also ordered a slew of hair pieces and wigs from eBay. All were less than $11.00 with FREE Shipping. Dad’s right knee is in need of replacement and now his left knee aka THE GOOD KNEE is bothering him. Barely can walk and is now using a cane. Pray that he wakes up free of pain. Some pics taken this week….. 100% my own hair!
I had a burst of energy today and did housework for over an hour. I even cooked strip steaks and cinnamony sweet tater fries… but now I am hurting severely in my shoulders and thighs. UGH! I visit my rheumy tomorrow in regards to my fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and insomnia.
I have an appt to see a podiatrist on Thursday. I have 4 open raw sore on my feet from a new pair of shoes. I am a diabetic and worry a lot when I even get s small scratch on my feet.
I had gastric bypass roux-en-y surgery 2 years ago.I see Dr Boyce, a gastric bypass surgeon, next week. Dr Boyce is checking to see why I lost only 50 lbs from the surgery. I should have lost 100 or more.
I lost 50 lbs PRIOR to surgery and then 50 lbs by my 6th month anniversary. I weighed the same for my 1 year and 18th month anniversary. I have lost additional weight the past few months but that is from me starving myself.
He has received my medical records from my surgeon Dr Mancini. I am hoping that Dr Boyce will order some tests to check out my stomach ‘pouch’ to see if it has stretched or if there is something wrong with the surgery. I am having some stomach issues. Pain in my left quadrant, severe diarrhea and gas. Even had 2 “accidents” the past few days. UGH! Thought that the welchol, bentyl and Imodium trio had cured that but I was wrong.
I have always felt something was not right with my surgery. I started complaining to Dr Mancini and his staff 2 weeks after I had surgery… I had some tests and all according to him they were normal… but I was having green diarrhea, and severe gnawing upper left quadrant pain. Eventually Dr Mancini did exploratory surgery and discovered that I had scar tissue. Repaired that. I felt better for a few days after that but I STILL have the same problems now.
I was not happy at all with losing just 50 lbs after undergoing MAJOR surgery. I should have lost 60-80% of my excess weight. I was 165-200 lbs overweight (depending on the insurance chart and body frame I should weigh anywhere from 115 to 155) when my journey started. I am STILL at least 50 lbs overweight!!! UGH!
John thinks I am getting too skinny. He suggests once I make my next goal weight being under 200, which I am only a few pounds away from, that I will stop ‘trying’ to lose weight.
I dream of weighing less than 175. I would be ok at that weight. But I would even be happier at 125!
Dad thinks I am too skinny now as well. MEN!
Just hoping and praying that Dr Boyce checks me out thoroughly and somehow helps me lose a few more pounds.
Bought a pair of fleece HALLOWEEN pants from Wally World… size MEDIUM 8-10… and they are too big on me…. loose and baggy. There is no way that a 200 lb woman should fit in a size small… I hate vanity sizing. According to these pants….I can only imagine how baggy a size small would be on a girl who is a size 2-4-6-8…since a medium is too big on me.
According to my measurements I am a 12/14 on the majority of sizing charts…. but once I put on clothing according to the size charts I realize that you can NOT believe them at all. Varied so much. There should be STANDARD measurements that all clothing manufactures should follow. I know I harp on this often … just a pet peeve of mine.
All the excess skin in my tummy region is driving me insane. So flabby and ugly… and painful. I end up with underbelly rashes often. Dr Melling has me on nystatin cream. Insurance won’t pay for the nystatin powder. I believe if I had a tummy tuck I could wear a size 8-10 easily.
Just hoping Rosie gets medical clearance so she and I can start water aerobics.
I KNOW I am in hyper mode and rambling.
I can be hyper and lucid one minute and the next minute I am incoherent with brain fog. UGH!
Sending my love and prayers to John. He was diagnosed with Tennis elbow. Poor baby is in so much pain that he hasn’t been sleeping well. Pray he sleeps well tonight.
Over the past few years so many wonderful and exciting changes have came into my life. Some I help create, some were surprisingly sprung upon me and some transformations that I never even knew I wanted suddenly came galloping into my life. Hope that the metamorphosis continues.
I currently weigh over 100 lbs less than my highest weight of 315 lbs. (I am STILL over 200 lbs.) Gastric Bypass “Lap Roux-En-Y” and a low carb and high protein diet helped me get to this point. I would love to lose 25-35 additional lbs. I was on that way to that goal when Rosie (my sissy) underwent her Gastric Bypass “Lap Biliopancreatic Diversion with Duodenal Switch” and her subsequent MRSA infections derailed my weight loss. I gained 4 lbs. in the last 2 months. I am one of those people who EAT carbs when stressed and having my baby sister so ill, whom I am a caregiver for, was extremely stressful for me… hence I ate way more carbs than a diabetic or a gastric bypass patient should. At times, I still do. Rosie had nausea and some vomiting today so I ate a bunch of Hershey miniature candies and 2 bananas.. Sugar is 272 as I type this. Should be 70-120.. So disappointed in myself but I am gonna gain control… I have to.
All week I have had so much energy… well spurts of it at least. Right now I am hyper. Will prolly clean the dining area prior to bed. So glad that I am having SOME energy since I have virtually none the majority of the time due to chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Thinking back it seems I ALWAYS feel better in Sept/October… wondering if the cooler weather benefits me more than hot weather does. I have never tolerated HOT weather. Hmmm… gonna have to move to a more temperate climate … sunny, mild and breezy sounds lovely… Hawaii sounds about right!
I have so many plans for my future. Really gungho. I am gonna lose those 25-35 NAGGING lingering pounds…. and when I do I am gonna go have a tummy tuck. I absolutely positively detest my saggy and baggy lose skin in my stomach Panniculus region. I bet I could wear a size 6 or an 8 jean if I didn’t have this excess skin! In stretch denim I can wear a size 12 now.
I was this same weight 20 years ago when I married and divorced Michael Patterson Hager, Jr. He and I married 20 Years ago on Sunday. Divorced shortly after. He was just a brain fart in my life. LOL! I can NOT believe I married such a low life and gave up my virginity to him. (yep I was a 25 year old virgin. I was NO ANGEL…. He and I did fool around some prior to the wedding but I saved the best for last) I honestly am such a different lady now… Not as naive.
Age, Wisdom, Time, and Growth go hand in hand.
There have been times when I have acted high and mighty towards others and said things I regret. Acted like I was better than they were and I wish I hadn’t. I ask those whom I did this to to forgive me. I am no angel. Have never been and will never be. I am HUMAN and make mistakes like everyone else does.
I am very shy around those that I don’t know very well… BUT those close to me know that in actuality, I can be flirty, bawdy, raucous, and even hilarious. I hate having social anxiety. It keeps me from forming relationships… online and in real life. It has been 17 years since I dated. Yes…. it will be…. SEVENTEEN Years…. on Nov 18th. I have a wonderful ONLINE ONLY friendship with John. Known him for almost 4 years now.
You would never know it from reading my journal or my postings online but I have a high Intelligence Quotient… major issue I have is saying something that makes me look like a fool… or worrying about hurting other peoples feelings…. I worry way too much about what other people THINKS about me. Oh yep… I am also snobbishly proud to be the QUEEN Of the Ellipsis… LOL!
I want “THE REAL ANGELA” to come across online and in reality. I wish everyone could see the Angela that my sis Rosie and My Friend John sees. That would be a major breakthrough. I am gonna attempt to accomplish that and many other goals. 2011 has only a few months left and in those few months they are gonna be some spectacular changes in me. My appearance has changed dramatically in the 2 years, since I had gastric bypass and now is the time for my personality to shine brilliantly…. like a diamond in the sky. Sparking. Twinkling. Radiantly. Everlasting.
My renewed faith is strong and I know I can do anything I set my mind to.
I have to thank my beloved John for helping me get to this point in my life. He is the greatest man I have ever known after my Daddy. He is always there for me. Supportive. Compassionate. Considerate. Helpful. Complimentary. He is a professional. Works for the Scottish Government. Wears suits and Ties. WOW.. I loved the way he looked tonight. Majority of the time I see him in sweats but the past few evenings he has been working late and came to our webcam chat in his business attire. Tonight was a black dress shirt and a black and white polka dotted tie. So spiffy. Fashionable. I adore that he is so intelligent. He loves computers as much as I do. Knowledgeable in so many varied subjects… so unlike all the other men I have loved. Yes LOVED> I love that rascal and he loves me. He and I will remain ONLY friends unless God has other plans but for now it is a friendship. A partnership. He and I are emotionally closer than the preponderance of husbands and wives. He and I support one another. Comfort each other. ‘GET’ one another. So happy that I replied to his message 4 years ago. I knew immediately he was different. He and I met at a BBW “Big Beautiful Woman” friendship site… which has since shuttered.
John has been having some problems with his arm/elbow after falling off a ladder last weekend. Having major trouble sleeping. Pray that he gets a good nights sleep. I can’t wait to see him tomorrow night.
I have been tidying up my bedroom so John and I can have a private talk. It has been a long time since we chatted in private. Maybe twice in the last 2 years. Have been chatting on my laptop in Rosie’s room. Been TEXT chatting only… hope to talk by phone/webcam chat this weekend. He only has been seeing my face on webcam…. This weekend I will let him see me and the weight I have since lost.
I am experiencing body issues. Nothing new…. I was 315 lbs when I met John… and I was actually more comfy with my body then than I am now. I used to be way more provocative back then. I miss that part of me. Lately I have been wearing short dresses and tighter clothes. Even dyed my hair back to the color it was 20 years ago when I weighed the same. BLACK hair just suits me better. Even been wearing human hair extensions and wigs. Gastric bypass caused me to lose some of my luxurious mane. I cut over 15″ off over a year ago to see if that would make it look fuller. It didn’t…. Still almost as thin. My hair is now 23″ long again. It was over 30″ prior to the bypass. Hope to get it that long again. It is very healthy. Shiny. Just straggly and scrawny. Especially in the front area. :-( I am just thankful that they make decent and affordable hair extensions and wigs now. I do wear my own hair the majority of the time but [...]
Rosie has had nausea and vomiting all night and into this morn. Taking Zofran IV or it. Vomiting is either her meds or clear foamy liquids. Not vomiting any food. Also having diarrhea. Having pain in her 2 drain areas from the MRSA abscesses in her lower left side. She is on Lortab and morphine via IV.
Dr Boyce said Rosie had a small piercing from the abscess into her colon. Not sure why. But may be from the CT needle abscess fluid withdrawal. Or may be related to diverticulitis. He called it a possible fistula. Will be here in the hospital a few more days.
Wants her to EAT all she can today. She has some peanut butter and strawberry jelly so far. Gonna try some scrambled egg next.
Gonna get Dad to bring me some clothes. I have 3 dresses here which I have been hand washing in shampoo and hanging to dry in the shower. Dad is also bringing us Rosie’s protein shakes and vitamins. Wish he could Sneak in our Cairn Terrier. Smoki Poki Loki. He has been missing us so bad that he barely is eating. Rosie and I talk to Smoki and our cats Jazzi ( long haired Siamese Ragdoll mix), Tater ( Ginger Red Tabby), and Punkin (Siamese) by speakerphone a few times daily. They all come to listen to us. Dad says they all get so happy to hear our voices.
Wish we could talk to Panther and Daisy. Panther ( Large Black/Gray Cat) is our outdoor cat. He is a stray cat and has taken up with us. He has been with us for almost 2 years now. For the last 6 weeks we have had a big stray dog outdoors whom we named Daisy . She is painfully thin and Dad is feeding her. Seems so sweet.
Gonna head to the cafeteria now. Getting bored with food now. UGH.
Dr Wilhoite is scheduled to perform a endoscopy on Rosie. Monday @ 1:30. With possible pyloric balloon dilation. Checking for stricture, scar tissue and/or ulcers.
Rosie started feeling much better last night. Has been able to keep down a few Tablespoons of applesauce, oatmeal, and mashed taters so far. Much more alert. Looks so much better. Still on iv of tpn nutrition feedings 12 hours a day.
She goes to the nutritionist tomorrow. Will get weighed. Excited to see how much she has lost. Gastric Bypass was over a month ago. I bet she is down 25-50 lbs. Will see.
I am sending all my love and prayers to John. God knows the situation and I pray it all turns out for the best.
Pukes up her meds as well as her vitamins and protein shakes.
She is getting feed by TPN IV Infusions with added vitamins that are customized according to her needs.
Rosie hates feeling so bad and I hate seeing her in pain.
She is having tender aches and pains all over her tummy region.
She is exhausted.
Just pray that she gets some rest tonight and wakes up feeling 100% better.
Her home RN Pete is coming tomorrow to change the wound vac on her OPEN hernia repair wound. Also doing labs on her.
I am doing all the IV infusions by myself now. IF she does not start eating and keeping foods and her pills down she will have to have a feeding tube inserted. :-(
Rose’s home health aides Peggy and Dina both are coming tomorrow… staying from 2 to 9. I think that is the times. I am so forgetful. I hope to get some rest tomorrow. Peggy and Dina are like family to us. We all adore them both.
Rosie sees her Family doc, Blake Melling, on Monday in regards to her right outer thigh pain.
Tuesday she sees a Gastroenterologist… Dr Wilhoite.
Dr Boyce, the surgeon who performed her Gastric Bypass bpd/ds thinks Rosie may have a stricture… aka blockage. He kinda hopes so since that would explain her nausea and the reasons why she can’t keep things down. Rosie will have an endoscopy prolly this week. HOPEFULLY.
Thursday she sees her nutritionist.
Busy week. Just hope the doctors can identify and help what ever is causing her to be so sick.
She has such rawness and burning along her entire gastric tract. I know it is prolly inflamed due to all the vomiting. Poor baby.
She is urinating much better. Still having small runny bowel movements.
Her glucose jumped from 85 to 190 today…
Rosie and I napped for 4 hours today. She is sound asleep now. I am gonna have to wake her to test her glucose before I go to bed. Trying to wait till this 12 hour TPN IV infusion completes its job. Should be ALMOST done.
All our pets are worried about Rose. Punkin, our siamese cat, won’t leave Rosie’s side. Tater, Jazzi and Smoki all are very careful when they get near Rose. They know she is sore from the hernia repair.
As I cleaned and repacked her open drain site, which tunnels a few inches inside her stomach… Rosie seemed to be in more pain in that region that she had been as I pushed the packing tape inside of it. Bloodier as well.
Both of her IV Picc lines flushed with saline smoothly today. They had been causing trouble for me as well as the nurses.
You should see all the medical supplies in our house. Rosie has boxes stacked for wound care items in her bedroom. We keep the IV Transfusion items in the fridge or on the kitchen table for easy access.
I have been eating fairly healthy but with stress and fretting about Rosie I have indulged in way many more carbs than I normally would.
Had some nice conversation with my best friend John this past week. I so look forward to seeing him for our daily webcam chat. We support one another and enjoy our relaxing time together. Even IF it is only for a few minutes. I have been so wore out lately that I sometimes miss chat and nap instead. I woke up this morning aching to see him. Just seeing him live on cam is such a blessing. Comforts me tremendously. He is having dinner tomorrow at his sisters. Pray he does not overeat or get heartburn… I know he will be over indulging in curry dishes as he always does. :-0
Prayers to and for my cousin Becky. Praying that the docs can determine the nature and cause of her edema and leg pains… and that they are treatments for them. She has appt to see a cardiologist and a rheumatologist.
I have been having pings and soreness on the left side of my navel region. Not sure what is causing that.
Having major fibromyalgia brain fog. Constantly forgetting things and having to remind myself often. Having to make lists to keep track of things… Also having all the normal pains and soreness in my legs and shoulders. Also been having some neck stiffness.
My tummy is doing better than it was. I am on Imodium, Bently, and Welchol now for my IBS. Having less frequent ‘accidents’ now.
My nerves are frazzled. So stressed. Been depressed and crying often… which I had stopped doing. Having severe panic attacks with having to deal with all the nurses and medical field persons. Seems like I am on the phone constantly with someone…. and I detest talking on the phone with a passion!
I MAY go out tomorrow grocery shopping. I HATE doing it alone. I more or less run through the store grabbing stuff as quick as possible and getting out of there before having a heart attack.
Just so scared for Rosie. Just pray that she can start eating again and keeping food and fluids down. Not sure what to do when she pukes up her meds. Will discuss with Dr Melling on Monday.
Time to turn off her IV pump, check her sugar, and get to bed.
From @ButlerBlue2: Me, @ButlerBlue3 & the one & only Gasoline Alley at @IMS. -- via Flickr
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