Hot Men: PHOTO: Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, and Joe Manganiello do a little striptease for the July 2012 cover of Entertainment Weekly.
Ke$ha, Naya Rivera, and Katharine McPhee have all been seen sporting 1930s-era finger-waved looks.
Chanteuse Lana Del Rey looked perfectly lovely in her Alberta Ferretti gown, but the real attention-grabber was her 18-karat white gold necklace, which featured a 31-carat yellow pear-shaped diamond drop. That's quite the rock.
Berenice Bejo Actress Berenice Bejo of The Artist was picture perfect in bright red Louis Vuitton accented with Chopard jewels. Classic RED Dress.
WEIRD FASHION: Elena Lenina is a Russian model/author who appeared on a French reality television show in 2003
Lady GaGa @ Narita International Airport on Wednesday (May 16) in Tokyo, Japan.
Nicole Scherzinger, UK premiere of Men in Black 3 on Wednesday (May 16) at Odeon Leicester Square in London, England.
Jennifer Morrison
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Ricky Martin
Diane Kruger poses at the 2012 Cannes Film Festival‘s jury photo call held at Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes, France.
Eva Longoria. Cannes
Jane Fonda> Cannes
Diane Kruger,. Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes
Freida Pinto. Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes
Janet Jackson
Billy Ray Cyrus: Milk Campaign Ad
Brevard Zoo! The zoo welcomes its first Saki monkey baybay into the fold on April 20th. The cute female babe is mama Chuckie's first child as well.
PHOTO: Bruce Willis poses at the Moonrise Kingdom photo call held during the 2012 Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festival on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes, France.
See what your friends are reading Shared with friends Settings Roach In McDonald's Hash Browns: Man Finds Deep-Fried Bug Mealbreaker (n.): a nasty, non-edible surprise found in food while it is being eaten; often lawsuit-provoking, sometimes fabricated, always disgusting.
Princess Kate Middleton BRAIDED UP-DO
Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Todd. Fashion. Tiara. CLASSIC
Rosie had a good day.She spoke to her nurse and all her labs have improved since February. She is scheduled for her 1st colonoscopy: Monday the 26th. She is high risk so the prep is not as bad as most. Miralax 2-3 times Friday/Saturday with a Low Residue Diet. On Sunday, clear fluids and Miralax 4 times. She doesn’t need an enema nor has to drink the gallon of that nasty stuff! I have had 5 colonoscopies. Diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Diabetic Gastroparesis. :-(
Took Dad to Capt D’s for his 71st birthday. Coconut Shrimp.
Went grocery shopping. Rosie has put me on a diet. Got all healthy foods today. Fruits, Veggies, Protein!
My sugar was down to 248 this am. I increased my metaglip from 2.5 to 5 mg twice a day yesterday. Went to 7.5 mg tonight. Will continue on that to see how my sugar levels reacts. Really not wanting to go back on insulin nor being attached to an insulin pump all the time but I may HAVE to.
Got home from shopping… just had sat down when I heard a loud noise. Seems Tater and Jazzi (our cats) had knocked down Dad’s 32″ Flatscreen TV in his bedroom… it comes on but the screen has lines all over it!!! It is only 9 months old and….. Looks like he will be buying a new one. BOO! Was hoping Dad would be buying him an Ipad for me to borrow…. looks like that may not happen now. AARDVARK!
I am feeling better today than I have in months. Grateful for that. Must have been high sugar levels dragging me down.
Just wish my fibro aches and pains would subside. Still feels like I have a ton of elephants pushing down on my shoulders. Even been having chest tightness lately. Still having balance issues. My hip has given out on me a few times recently.
My boys Smoki and Snickers are adoring the warm weather. Love going bye-bye with us. They are such a hoot. RIDING THE WIND. I had 4 of my boys in bed when I fell asleep last night.. Tater, Jazzi, Smoki, and Snickers…. all in a twin (single) bed.
Hope to dye my hair tomorrow…. Rosie’s too.
Dogs need bathed. They smell like DOG!
Just wish I had a man to take care of me. SO JEALOUS OF OTHERS WHO DO.
I am such a great person. Full of compassion with tons of love that I willing to share.
I KNOW MY HELPMATE IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE! Just praying that he and I discover one another. TRYING to wait… just so hard at times. Just need someone to cuddle with, SHAG with, confide in, share life and all its experiences with. SCARED that I am always gonna be an old maid. I know that my predestined mate is out there. Perhaps even will read this blog entry…
I am asking The Lord Jesus Christ to guide my soulmate and I together. Let him know that I am the woman your created for him. I know all things are possible with God. I surrender my future love and myself to God. I know he and I will do great things together. I just know it! Bring me into his life and I into his.
God I admit and confess ALL my sins. FORGIVE ME. I know I should be doing more for You. Guide me to what I need to do for you. USE ME!
Having a severe fibro flare-up. Feels like there is a parade of elephants sitting on my shoulders.
Painful, achy, burning down my shoulders, arms, and elbows.
Makes me feel so exhausted.
Rosie didn’t have much nausea today. Praise God… BUT the diarrhea has returned. Just wish she would get well and STAY well. I love my baby sissy,
Since Rosie was not feeling well we stayed home today.
Hope to go grocery shopping tomorrow.
Ipad 3 HD has went from China to Hong Kong to Alaska. Wondering where its next stop is? Love technology!
Praises be to God for the emotional stability I’ve had for a few weeks now.
Praying for some physically stability.
Wish I didn’t have to deal and cope with diabetes, hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, allergies, insomnia, neuropathy, irregular heart beat, marie-charcot-tooth syndrome, and irritable bowel syndrome… on a daily basis. Asking God to heal me from my afflictions so I am able to help others more than I am able to now. I want to be more confident, outgoing, and a better communicator.
Barely can keep my eyes open so I am off to bed.
Sending Love and Prayers to all my Family, my Friends and even my Foes.
My Sis Rosie is feeling better tonight. Praise The Lord. I pray it continues. She is such a different person when she is sick. She is so talkative now. LOVE IT!
Plans are to bleach her hair tomorrow… so it will take a light red shade of dye.
Going grocery shopping. Out of fruit!
I had a yummilicious 100% Frozen Pineapple Fruit Bar. Gonna get more of em tomorrow.
I am feeling queasy tonight.
I pray that I can sleep for 8 STRAIGHT hours instead of getting 2 hours of sleep, 1 hour being awake, and then repeat. I need REST! I need to RECOUP. I need REJUVENATION.
Feeling abnormally tired lately. I have chronic fatigue syndrome/fibromylagia and have no idea what it would feel like to have some energy.
Been having issues with concentration. Wandering thoughts. Can’t even put a sentence together without pausing. FIBRO FOG!
I ask God to heal my mind, soul, heart, and body.
Forgive me of all my sins.
Use me Dear Lord to make the world a better more serene place filled with Love.
I surrender to God. All of me. I ask that God’s will be done in my life. Whatever God wants for me. I accept. Asking for Wisdom, Guidance. Strength, Confidence, Faith, Hope and Charity.
God watch over my soulmate and lead us together. God timing is perfect. Help me and my soulmate to grow closer to you. Help us become better people individually so when he and I are brought together he and I can become one. I love My Daddy, Abba, Jesus, Lord!
Praying that everyone has Love, Peace, and God.
~Angela Bell Goode
PS. Give MR HANDSOME all that he deserves and guide him to his soulmate. If it’s me fantastic IF not give me someone who is perfect who will be able to stand next to him so that he can accomplished even more than he already has. BLESS HIM!
Rosie’s nausea returned on Friday. She felt yucky all weekend. We stayed home. She goes sees her Gastric Bypass Doc on Thursday. Hope to get a referral to a Gastroenterologist. Needs a colonoscopy and endoscopy.
Thanks for all your support, thoughts, well wishes and prayers sent our way. Praying for all who have prayed for Us.
I was achy all weekend. Inflamed joints, Muscles aches, fatigued. Did get a lil bit of spring cleaning started.
Really need to do some grocery shopping tomorrow. Hope Rosie feels well enough to go out.
2 Men from Southern West Virginia (where I was born and raised) Are on the wealthiest USA Billionaires List. AMAZED at their accomplishments and proud of their philanthropy!
Got the older Dell Laptop ready to sell for $100. Going to prepare 2 netbooks that we plan on selling for $25 each. Also have a 24″ FLAT monitor to sale for $25. ALL BARGAINS! Have 1 PC that needs fixed.I Think it is a bad graphics card… Gonna work on that.
Watching Whitney and Bobbi Kristina on Oprah. Praying for Bobbi.
Thinking about MR HANDSOME… if he only knew all the things I dream about doing to him… LOL! I am sure he would blush! Sometimes I think about writing him in regards to all the hot fantasies I have of him…Naughty… Bawdy… Erotic Fun! I imagine him doing hedonistic things to me.Ooh-la-la what an experience he and I could share.I may have not had sex in years but my body is ready, willing and able.When I have been in a relationship… the sexual part was always fiery, wild and passionate. On a Daily basis. Love sharing sensuality with a partner.Miss that.I adore intimacy…. lovemaking…. more-so than most women.I can be too demanding. Just craving for a man to stroke his hand across my face.Gently kiss my lips.Suck on my earlobe.Cuddle me tight as we sleep.YES, I am Frisky.Needing a lil nookie… hell.. I want A LOT of nookie! LOL When I am in LOVE…. I always am ready to share carnal relations. I hope that Mr Handsome dances through *MY* dreams…and that *I* do the same in his dreams till the day ( IF EVER) that *WE* walk into each others lives…. and ravage one each others minds, hearts, bodies, and souls.
Rosie’s nausea returned for a few hours today. She feels so poorly when it starts. Just glad she is now feeling better.
Wish I could say I am. Just haven’t felt well all day. My joints and muscles are inflamed and swollen in my arms, elbows, hands, thighs and feet today. Just achy all over. So fatigued wish I had some energy.
Rosie and I did a lil spring cleaning for about 45 min today.
We are selling Rosie’s old laptop. $100.00 Figure that Aunt Susie wants it. Will see.
Also hope to get our netbooks cleared off and then sell them.
Gonna wipe our old PC clean and sell it as well.
Rosie’s IPAD 3 HD left China today on its way to Talbott. Will be here Friday the 16th. Rosie got the top of the line model with all the extras included.
I trimmed my hair and cut in some bangs. Looks nice. Dyeing my hair ravenous black on Monday.
I just hope I can sleep soundly. Been waking up way every 2 hours. Wears me down after awhile.
Thinking about MR HANDSOME… if he only knew all the things I dream about doing to him… LOL!
I am sure he would blush!
Sometimes I think about writing him in regards to all the hot fantasies I have of him…
Naughty… Bawdy… Erotic Fun!
I imagine him doing hedonistic things to me.
Ooh-la-la what an experience he and I could share.
I may have not had sex in 17.5 years but my body is ready, willing and able.
When I have been in a relationship… the sexual part was always fiery, wild and passionate. On a Daily basis. Love sharing sensuality with a partner.Miss that.
I adore intimacy…. lovemaking…. more-so than most women.
I can be too demanding.
Just craving for a man to stroke his hand across my face.
Gently kiss my lips.
Suck on my earlobe.
Cuddle me tight as we sleep.
YES, I am Frisky.
Needing a lil nookie… hell.. I want A LOT of nookie! LOL
When I am in LOVE….I always am ready to share carnal relations.
Going to head to bed…
Hope Mr Handsome dances through *MY* dreams…and that *I* do the same in his dreams till the day *WE* walk into each others lives…. and ravage one each others minds, hearts, bodies, and souls.
Rosie is still feeling awesome. Eating well. I am so pleased. PRAISE JESUS for Answered prayers.
I am feeling good emotionally and spiritually but physically I ache all over. Having Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Insomnia, Low Thyroid, Neuropathy, and Charcot-Marie Tooth Syndrome sucks.
Still having some episodes of depression, social anxieties, and panic attacks.
I did chat with a family friend, David, on Facebook Chat. He was the 1st I chatted with on Facebook… he is a pre-teen. He always makes me smile. He won KING at the Spring Dance! CONGRATS! Hope to see him on the trip to WV on March 18-20th. Last trip he spent the night with us at the cabin at Twin Falls Resort.
Also got to chat with my cousin Brandy. Even discussed her moving to Tennessee. Wants to start an animal rescue center. She works with the IRS and is gonna look for a job down here. She is like a sis to Rosie and I. She lived next to us in West Virginia. Love her.
Brandy and I both have the same emotional issues.
Not wanting to go out tomorrow…. needing rest BUT I need to go get my allergy shot.
Rosie ordered herself the new Ipad 3 HD. Will be here on March 16th. She is so excited. She deserves it since she went through 7.5 months of hell!
Thrilled she is feeling better.
Fatigued beyond words and heading to bed. Pray that I get some sleep.
Rosie and I went out to grocery shop after taking the boys for a drive through the countryside. Rosie got ill in the store and we had to leave. Diarrhea and vomiting. Believe me I have done nothing but clean up both ever since she had gastric bypass surgery on 7-24-11. She also had major cramping below her navel region. Wanted to take her to the ER but she wanted to come home and let me clean her up first. Well, we did that. She had no fever and decided to wait till tomorrow. We have been to the ParkWest Hospital ER 5 times since 7-24-11 with her having nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Took 3 ER visits to get them to admit her. Finally got an ER doc that would listen!!!!!
She had MAJOR case of MRSA abscesses in her stomach and spent 21 days in the hospital. The Last visit was 10 days ago…..her vitals, ct scan and labs were normal. They couldn’t do complete labs since she is a difficult stick. They SHOULD HAVE tried more times than they did. UGH!
She’s had 2 hernia repairs since GBS “Gastric Bypass Surgery” One in August 2011 and another in Feb 2012. After the most recent repair she got SEVERE DIARRHEA! I should know since I am her caregiver and it has been BAD! YUCK. She has had NO APPETITE since GBS. Was on TPN Feedings for 2 months. She has not ate a handful of food in weeks. She is weak. Has significant bruising on her body. I am sure she is dehydrated and malnourished.
We are heading to University of Tennessee Emergency Room tomorrow and NOT Parkwest Hospital.
Rosie NOW has a fever of 100.6. Giving her a Tylenol.
I just pray that we get a good ER doc who will investigate all her issues she is having.
I am taking enough clothes and toiletries for a few weeks. Sure they will admit her. Dad is gonna MAKE THEM! She is obviously sick. She has lost over 200 lbs in 13 months! Just so scared and worried about her. Stressed out to the max. All she has ate today is 1 1/2 deli thin ham slices and 1/2 slice of cheese. She has only drank about 20 OZ of fluids. Just not able to drink or eat much.
PRAISE GOD for all my friends in Scotland, Tennessee, and Texas. Don’t know what I would do without you. You all are a blessing. So glad I took a chance and decided to befriend all of you. You are GOOD PEOPLE!
My heart is beating too fast. Lump in my throat. UGH. Trying to relax.
Rosie took her phenergan and will soon be asleep. As soon as I know she is sound asleep I am going go to bed. EXHAUSTED.
Dad, Rosie, The Boys and I went to the Great Smokies Flea Market today. We took the Boys pet stroller which they both USED to fit in…. Snickers has grown so big that it was a tight fit. So Rosie bought a pet stroller than holds 4 small pets. Ended up selling the old Stroller to a lady for $20… she was thrilled to get it. It was a bargain. New stroller was $86
Rosie bought the boys new harnesses to go with the new collars she got earlier this week. So Snazzy!
Picked up some $1 jewelry items. I bought a long dress for $8 brand new. Rosie got her one as well.
Rosie woke up this morn and started vomiting as soon as she took her meds. Had nausea off and on all day. She fell asleep about an hour ago. Hope she wakes up feeling better.
Went to Capt. Gallery in Dandridge for Dinner. Rosie and I split the Ribeye, Jumbo Shrimp, Fried Zucchini and Salad. We have enough ribeye leftover to feed us both supper tomorrow. I also have some fried zucchini left over. YUM! Was gonna order some clam chowder but forgot to. Thank God.. I couldn’t have ate it. Was stuffed.
SnickerDoodle has been so protective of me this evening. Will not allow Smoki to come near me. Growling at him. Not sure why.
Need to find a dentist. Need a good cleaning and perhaps a filling. Want one closer to us than Dr. Frankie office.
Had a panic attack or hot flash… at the flea market. Was drenched head to toe with sweat for almost an hour. Skin was flushed. HATE IT.
Got home and my face is puffy. Wasn’t when I left. Not sure… but I bet it is allergy related.
Thinking about cutting bangs again. Not sure.
John adored my hair tonight. I rolled it with 1″ velcro rollers. Used tons of ‘em. Looked so feathery and shiny.
Rosie is craving an Hawaiian Ice so we are going on an excursion to find one tomorrow. Wish us luck.
Had issues with my balance today. Almost fell flat on my butt twice today. Just unsteady. Really need to get an injection in my right hip as Doc Kouser wanted to do.
SO HAPPY for my friends in Nashville. Good things are heading their way. Movie is being made by Universal based on their lives. INSPIRATIONAL! Blessed to have them in my life. I love em all. Hope that one day we can meet one another.
Just realized I haven’t taken my meds tonight.. Oops… BRB. Took em.
I haven’t taken my vitamins/minerals/supplements in a week or so. Gonna start back.
Also I have been naughty…. Been consuming way more carbs that I should. Makes me feel sluggish. I should know better but Carbs are so comforting to me.
Will prolly be going to West Virginia on Friday. Hope the large handicapped cabin at Twin Falls State Park is available. May have to change the day we go. We LOVE that cabin cause so many of our WV family can stay with us. :-)
Having aches and pains. May have to increase my dosage on my pain meds back to what the doc wants me to take. Tried to lower them and OUCH!
Dad was in a great mood this afternoon. Thank God cause sometimes he is the grouchiest old man on earth. Dad attracts so many women. Always trying to pick him up. He does NOT look 71 at all. Still has all his hair and he is indeed handsome. HE DOES NOT WANT TO DATE ANYONE.
I do want to date YET I get no dudes trying to pick me up. NONE. Only man who has come up to me and asked me out was the man (Hager) that I married. Rest of the men I dated were through personal newspaper ads.Men may be interested in me and I am just tooo dumb and socially inept that I don’t recognize it. Ooops… One other man asked me out at church in 1991. He didn’t have a car nor a job so I politely declined.
I don’t go anywhere without Rosie. Only time I have been apart was during hospitalizations. Maybe 3-4 times I was gone for a few hours with Hager. I did spend 3 over night trips at Gary’s (aka WV Millionaire dude) house
The only time I ever went on a date ALONE with a man was my honeymoon night… Always had Rosie or they brought their friends along. I would love to have a man pick me up, bring me flowers and take me out just for dinner. Just Dinner is all I ask.
Only one man has sent me flowers and that was Steven Bryant Ward aka Poison98. I met him through a Poison Chat Room that he hosted. He and I had a cyber which progressed to a phone relationship for almost a year. We had planned on him flying in from Tulsa, Oklahoma to West Virginia to meet and he backed out the week we was coming to meet me. We ended up staying together for a few months after that. He sent me flowers for my birthday. I am a December babe and the flowers were sent in a unique green globe ornament vase. Still have it in my bedroom.
Goodness, I have missed out on so much in my life…. It is time for that to change!
I know I have a few men who reads my journal often. One is The Actor, Game Show Host, Mr Intelligence himself Stephen Fry! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Fry He says he is 90% gay and 10% straight. I have written him a few naughty PRIVATE (you have to follow one another to send PRIVATE messages on Twitter) flirtatious tweets and he always replies. I love an intelligent man who knows who he is and stands up for what he believes in… way more than a handsome one. But I do admire a handsome warm heart and soul.
I know that some awesome things are about to transpire in my life. Excited. Lord, I surrender prepare me for all the new adventures I am about to undertake!
We are gonna take the Boys: Smoki Poki Loki (Carin Terrier aka Toto dog) and SnickerDoodle Bug (Miniature long haired dachshund) for a Sunday drive through the country side. We have taken Sunday drives for as long as I can remember. So relaxing. Love to admire all the glorious beauty God has created. Well it is relaxing until Smoki sees cows, deers, goats. horses, rabbits, etc. Then all heck breaks lose. He goes nuts. Barking. UGH! But what is even worse is when it is raining and we have the windshield wipers on… Smoki dives into the dashboard after them. UGH! And I am even holding him and his leash! Snickers and Smoki enjoyed having the window down today….As Bret Michaels wrote, “RIDE THE WIND, Never coming back till I touch the midnight sun.” I sing that to the Boys and they go bonkers cause they know I am about to roll down the window!
Asking the Lord Jesus Christ to help me SAY NO TO CARBS! Praying for energy to do more things. Chronic fatigue is debilitating. UGH. I am gonna do at least 30 min of household chores daily. Asking God for the willpower to do more things without pain and to control my appetite. I SURRENDER.
My cousin Brandy found 6 puppies dropped off on a country road in WV. They are so cute. She is keeping one and going to find homes for the others. Pray they all received loving homes. Looks like part German Shepherd.
When 9-11-01 happened I was seeing a psychiatrist prior to it happening. It was so difficult to deal with. A few months after it happened My shrink made me promise not to read or watch news about it. Still upsetting to me. Now all these tornadoes, hurricanes, natural [...]
Went to Knoxville today. Rosie saw her gastric bypass surgeon. She has lost over 200 lbs. She only weighs 20 lbs more than me now.
Doc started her on Flagyl to see if her nausea, diarrhea and vomiting responds to it. May be C Diff. Not sure. Plans are for her to be on it for 4 weeks. Off 2 weeks. Back on for 2 weeks. IF she doesn’t start feeling better he is gonna send her to a gastroenterologist.She is still swollen on her right lower abdominal quadrant. CT Scans, Labs. and vitals were all normal.
Went to Ross for Less in Knoxville. We went to the one here in Morristown last weekend. Got so many bargains. All items are size 14 or smaller. I got one dress that is a 9/10. Rosie is gonna try her clothes I got her on tomorrow. Hope she can wear at least one of them now. I know she will be able to wear them by our vacay in May. She is losing 4-5 lbs a week.
I haven’t gained or lost any in over 18 months.. but I have lost 5″ from my waist!
The dress I am wearing is from Ross for Less. Got it for $7.99 YES Seven dollars and 99 cents.
Bought another one like it in muted tones at Ross or Less in Knoxville. . it was $13.99 Exact same dress just a different color.
Rosie and I got a few short PARTY dresses. One was only $5.99 and it is lovely satin material with sparkles.
I think the most expensive item we purchased was $17.99
Went to PETSMART. Got Smoki a new harness. Got Smoki and Snickers both a Monkey Squeaky Toy and a Rawhide Cookie.
Ate at Mimi’s Cafe for lunch. I had a salad with 1 T Sesame Balsamic Vinaigrette. Ate 1/4 of a turkey and cheese croissant with cranberry orange relish. Ate the rest tonight. Dad had Corn Chowder, Slaw and turkey and cheese croissant with cranberry orange relish. He brought half the sandwich home for our dogs. Rosie ate 4 oz of Flat Iron Steak. She explained that she had gastric bypass and didn’t want any potatoes or veggies and asked for a Strawberry/ Pineapple side dish. They brought her a huge plate of it. She brought it home and had it for a snack. She prolly has 8 oz of steak still in the fridge for tomorrow. I am so happy when she eats. She rarely eats ANYTHING cause she feels so nauseous.
Tomorrow, we go for Allergy shots. Have to pick up some meds and go grocery shopping. Rosie also needs to go to Healthstar for a PT test since she is on blood thinner.
Hope she starts feeling able to get out and do more things. Would love to go to the Smokies this weekend. Maybe even to the Cinemas.
Rosie REALLY needs a new wheelchair. The cushion in her chair is so worn out. She slopes down in the chair and ends up with severe back pains. She is due for a new chair in June. Gonna call Medicare and make sure. She will need a much smaller chair! Her wheelchair weighs 375 lbs without her even in it!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND SHANE.
Praying for everyone. On my mind tonight are all those affected by the storms and tornadoes. Sad.
Heading to bed shortly. Tired. Been up since 9 am. That is way early for me. Normally my wake up time is after 1 pm. I like to stay up till 3-5 am. Always been a night owl.
Can’t get *him* off my mind… not sure what to do. Decisions. Decisions. Asking God to Guide the both of us. I SURRENDER US.
Another *him* Wondering if I should overtly FLIRT with him. Afraid of ruining our friendship. He sorta flirts… just not sure. I am so dumb when it comes to Men! UGH! Asking God to Guide the both of us. I SURRENDER US.
Another *him*…. this him is the one I am suppose to spend eternity with… Wherever he is tonight, dear Lord, Keep him safe and warm. Speak to his spirit and let him know I am the one. Guide he and I together. Protect both our families and our friends. I Pray for patience until the day we walk into one each others life. Prepare us both for the journey we are suppose to take together. Bring people into our lives that can help us grow. People that we can help. Let our smiles, hearts and words encourage other people. USE US BOTH. I take it upon myself and surrender both he and I to the LORD! Use us for Your glory. Let him feel the holy spirit right at this moment. Speak to his heart. Comfort us both with the hope of finding each other. I hope Soon but I defer to God cause I know God’s timing is perfect.
I have given my heart to two men. The last one was over 17 years ago.
I am in love with my friend John, but he is married. We are best friends. Share everything. Only man who has ever been there for me. Known him for over 5 years. Never met him. Never even heard his voice. We cam with text only, by my choice. He lives in Scotland. John has been the only man I have chatted with online or webcammed with in 5 years.
I always choose men FAR AWAY so I won’t have to deal with a REAL Relationship.
For the last 17 years I have had “cyber relationships” with a slew of men. Most don’t hold my interest for very long. I get bored very easily.
Going to take a special man to capture and keep my interest.
A few months ago I started talking to a few guys online. Made some ‘friendships’ … but they have shown no interest in getting to know me better. Really interested in a few of them. Waiting for them to make a move and it ain’t happening fast enough and perhaps never will.
I am such a handful. So moody at times. Not very social but improving.
I have health issues Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and Diabetes.
Plus I have a disabled Sister Rosie that God selected me to be her caregiver for the rest of her life. Not sure any man would be able to accept that.
Dealing with molestation as a child/teen. No wonder I am frightened.
In the last year or so I have a received a few thousand messages from men at Facebook and on Dating sites who want to get to know me better. BUT I never reply back.
I am considering corresponding with a few of them. MAYBE.
I am shaking even thinking about that.
Wish I was not scared of LIFE.
I don’t want to select the wrong man to give my attention to.
I want ‘the one’ GOD created me for.
I want God to knock me up the side of my head and tell me which man to write back.
I need God’s guidance and infinite wisdom.
I have prayed this same prayer for over 30 years now.
I surrender to God.
GOD PLEASE HELP ME.
Help me cope with men and relationships.
I have not even given my phone number to any man in over 5 years.
Hate that I don’t deal with things as well as I should.
Seems like have the social skills of a 6-14 year old… once again that goes back to me being molested.
UGH!
Damn it Angela. Grow Up. Live Your Life
Asking that those who read this pray for me. I will be praying for you.
Lord, guide me and my soulmate/helpmate together.
I surrender US to thee.
Send me a man who is spiritual, compassionate, one who will adore me as I will him.
He doesn’t have to be handsome nor wealthy.. Just financially secure enough to be able to provide Rosie and I with a home, a car, and be able to pay the bills. Not too much to ask.
I love a man with a sense of humor. A warm smile, A gentle heart.
I adore movies, music, pets, food, and traveling.
I have never seen the ocean!!! NEVER.
I also have never flown on a plane…. But I am willing.
Would love to travel the world.
I once considered being a missionary until God led me to be a caregiver for my family.
I want my life to start tomorrow!
Hell no, to start TONIGHT!
I am sick and tired of not living.
Not allowing myself to enjoy things.
From now on I want to LIVE, Experience all life has to offer.
God I surrender all of myself to you.
Guide me.
Open doors I never knew could open.
Hold my hand. Lead me. Walk with me.
I give ME to Thee.
I know You will not let me down.
I have faith and hope.
Show me my destiny.
Help me to
LIVE.
LOVE.
LAUGH.
INSPIRE OTHERS.
Praying for the man You created me for.
I believe in destiny.
I know I was created, designed, molded for one special man.
Comfort THE ONE I am meant to spend eternity with..
Grant Patience and Knowledge to Us both.
I surrender US to thee.
GOD IS LOVE.
Show me that I am able to love and be loved in return.
Rosie had a bad day. Diarrhea, Nausea, and Vomiting. Still having swelling and pain in her abdomen. Hate seeing her be so miserable. She sees her surgeon on Wednesday.
My moods fluctuated wildly today. So worried about Rosie.
Did get in an hour of housework. Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia sucks.
Didn’t get to see John tonight. Pray he is feeling better. Poor Baby.
Missing some of my friends. Pray that they are doing well.
With Rosie going through good days and bad days since her gastric bypass (June 26th, 2011) is really taking its toll on me. I have to do more since she feels so bad. Hasn’t been on her laptop, netbook or PC in over a week now.Yep, Rosie and I have our own laptop and netbook but we share the PC.
I get thrilled when she is feeling good and then severely depressed when she isn’t.A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS!
Haven’t slept well in over a week. May get in 2 straight hours at a time. Frustrating but Rosie needs my assistance with so many things.
Hope to get all dolled up for our trip to Knoxville on Wed. Hope to take some new pics.
Missing my family in WV but will see them soon as Rosie feels better. Will stay at Twin Falls in a cabin.
Hope that I can sleep 4 straight hours tonight. Would make me feel so much better.
Sending love to all my readers. Thanks for your prayers, support, and words of encouragement.
Well, Rosie is doing ok. Has a blood clot in her left leg. It has been swollen and painful. It is only superficial.
Her umbilical hernia has been repaired twice in 10 years. It will be repaired again on Monday at ParkWest Hospital, and she will be also having a tummy tuck. She has lost 15″ off her waist now. Dropped over 175 lbs. She even has lost 3″ off her neck. She has had a few good days. Her intestines are poking out from the hernia. Looks weird…. you can see it move and all. It causes her to have nausea. She has actually ate the past few days. She goes days without much nutrition at all. Just doesn’t want to eat. Hoping the hernia repair makes her less nauseous. I love her so much. She can now wear size 8-9 panties! Smallest shirt has been a 14.
She will be fitted for a new electric wheelchair in June. She is so excited. Her current chair sucks! Gonna try and see IF she will fit in our Mom’s old electric wheelchair tomorrow. Hope she can. It would be much more comfy for her. She has been wheelchair bound since she was 16. Can’t walk at all. She can stand for about 10 sec. Rosie will be 45 in May. She is perhaps the happiest person I have ever met. Proud to call her my best friend and My Sissy!
Had another CT SCAN on my tummy and nothing abnormal was found. Even though I have not lost any additional weight My waist is down to 35″ now. Was 40. Guess I am STILL Shaping up. I have lost 110 lbs. My hips are 38″ without measuring the excess skin hanging from my tummy. Smallest dress I have worn is a 10. I am gonna lose a few more pounds and somehow TRY to get my insurance to pay for a tummy tuck. WISH ME LUCK!
Still having aches and pains from Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. Shoulders, Thighs, Knee’s, Elbows, Hands and Feet. Seems that will never change. Insomnia is not as bad. TRIED sleeping without my sleep meds the other night. Finally gave in and took em at 6:30 am and slept like a babe. Wish I didn’t get so tired, so easily.
I have made a few more friends via Twitter and Facebook. Some I consider dear friends. I am blessed. Panic attacks have lessened. Doing my best to become more outgoing. Being more receptive to men.
Sending special prayers to Brandy, John, Dreama, Bret, Shane, Chrissy, Stephen, Janna, Russell, Carmen, Rebecca, Terri, Sara, Becky, Charles, Shay, Blake, JR, Sue, Earlene, and Rick.
♥ LOVE U ALL ♥
I know that this year will be MY YEAR!
My moods swings have stabilized for now.
I started allergy shots a few weeks ago.
Still close to John. He gives me so much support, encouragement and serenity.
I am more confident than ever. I even go out grocery shopping without any makeup.
Receiving lots of attention from the male species. Loving it. Receiving just as many flirts when I have no makeup on as I do with full Drag-Queen makeup.
Grateful that I don’t look 46. Some people think I am in my early 20′s….. love that!
I cut Rosie’s hair in a medium length shag. First time we curled it was tonight. Can’t wait to see the results tomorrow.
Plan are to go to West Virginia in March. All depends on Rosie’s recovery.
Dad is taking THE BOYS “Smoki and Snickers” everywhere we go”.
Tater Bug
Jazzi
Punkin
Our life is good and is only gonna get better!
Hopefully over the next few months we will be able to share some very exciting news and changes happening in Our lives. We have High Hopes.
After 17 years of celibacy I have decided to date!
Praying for wisdom, guidance and patience.
I am also becoming more extroverted online and in the real world.
Been blessed to be making more friends online. I am actually messaging a few male friends back now. :-) MAJOR ADVANCEMENT !
BUCKET LIST:
Date Again!
See the ocean.
Fly in a plane.
Get my passport.
Get married again.
Use all the gifts God gave me.
Be more supportive of everyone… except Republicans. LOL!
Be more compassionate.
Be more outgoing.
Stop having social anxiety and panic attacks.
Get use to talking on the phone without having a panic attack.
Get healthier.
Smile more.
Help those less fortunate.
Be more patient.
Be more vocal online.
Lose more weight.
Make new friends.
I have a few men that I am interested in. Just wanting for them to make a move. Having all kinds of men flirt with me online and reality… I am now trying to FLIRT with guys in person. Social Anxiety Sucks!
I am so proud of Rosie. She has lost 175 lbs now. She will be able to get fitted for a new wheelchair in July! Rosie only weighs 35 lbs more than me now. Looking great! You go sis! Rosie is wearing size 20-22 jeans now.
I am down to size 10-12 in jeans. :-) Down from a 26. WOO-HOO.
Rosie and I both are now getting allergy shots.
Thinking about talking to my family doc about my mood swings.
May even start seeing a shrink again.
Wish Rosie would not have so much nausea and vomiting. She even had a dizzy spell today.
Having fibromyalgia aches and pains.. plus Fibro Fog. I hate the mental confusion it creates. Not thinking clearly. Seems like I think in slow-mo. HATE IT!
Enjoying my new puppy. SnickerDoodle, he is a BLONDE Long haired Miniature Dachshund, who worships me!
Snickers gets along with all our pets: Smoki, Jazzi, Punkin, Panther and Tater.
Snickers loves going bye-bye.
Smoki and Snickers love baskin-robbins ice cream. Take them every few weeks.
My Best friend John has been having health issues. I am worried about him. Pray that he gets better and that he sleeps well.
I have been wearing short skirts, pantyhose and knee high leather boots. I have fabulous legs! Bet I tried on 20 pairs of boots till I found one to fit my skinny legs.
I layered my hair a few weeks ago and can’t believe how wavy it is naturally.
Haven’t had much sleep lately. Rosie wakes me up a few times nightly. Tummy issues. Pray that I get some decent sleep tonight.
Praying for the man I was created for, the one God designed for me. I KNOW you are out there waiting for me. Thinking of me. Praying for me. Maybe we already know one another. Grant US both wisdom, guidance, & patience. Open up our hearts, minds, souls, and spirits to recognize each other when the time is right. Happy about my future. I know it is gonna be a good one!
I believe that God speaks and gives signs to some people… I pray that this night that God speaks to me and/or to my helpmate. Let US know. Comfort us. Give us patience. Let US Dream of one another.
Hope to travel to WV to see my family in a few weeks. I love and miss them dearly.
Been in the grasp of a fibromylagia / chronic fatigue syndrome flare-up. May be the worst episode ever. My Rheumatologist can’t see me for 2 weeks but I have an appt to see my family doc tomorrow.
Current Symptoms are:
Aches and Pains in legs, arms, thighs, shoulders, neck
Swollen Joints
Weakness
Dizziness
Cloudy Muddled Thoughts
Slow-Motion
Abnormal thoughts
Depression
Anxiety
Fatigue
Insomnia
Swollen Puffy Forehead
Diarrhea
Palpitations (noticeable and irregular heartbeat)
Still going to physical therapy for my Charcot Marie Tooth syndrome. Really enjoying the heat therapy, ultrasound, and massages on my feet. Had a good session today with Kim my physical therapist. She has only been working on my feet but I am hoping that I can get my doc to order therapy on the rest of my body.
Went shopping after therapy today. Only shopped about an hour but I am so sore all over and exhausted.
Got a purple sweater dress, a leopard coat, socks and a black shirt today.
Hope to head to the Zoo this weekend or to West Virginia to visit my family.
Having insomnia really bad lately.
Wish I felt better. Hate feeling so poorly all the time.
My sis Rosie had her 3 month Gastric Bypass Checkup. Since Feb she has lost over +125 lbs. She only weighs 66 lbs more than me now. You go Sis! Just wish her nausea would dissipate. Her hernia wound has healed enough and was told she can now start aquatic therapy!!! Woo-Hoo! Calling the Boy and Girls Club as well as Jefferson Community Pool tomorrow. Hope to start on Monday. LIFE IS GOOD!
I saw Dr. Stephen G. Boyce, who did Rosie’s gastric bypass surgery, today. I am having him investigate my continuing gastro-intestinal issues that has bothered me ever since I had my roux-en-y on Sept 14th, 2009. He has a few theories on why I only lost 50 or so pounds from the roux-en-y surgery. I should have lost 100+ lbs. Theories are my pouch should be smaller: 15 ml and not 30ml. More of my intestines need bypassed. Scar tissue. Bowel Kink.
I am having an abdominal CT Scan on Nov 1st.
*IF* it is what Dr Boyce thinks it may be, I will have to undergo another Laparoscopic surgery and I should be able to lose more weight. My BMI is still 35.3. Still OBESE!
Still suffering from upper left quadrant abdominal pains, bloating, gas and diarrhea. Severe at times.
Just hoping that some of Dr Boyce’s theories show up on the CT scan and that I can have another lap surgery and get on my way to a healthier life. He hopes it is due more to my lower bowel area than a problem with my upper stomach region. Lower gastrointestinal prob will be much easier to fix… than an upper one.
He is starting me on flagyl and was suggesting Cholestyramine till I told him I was already on Welchol. They are in the same family of meds. I have tired Cholestyramine in the past unsuccessfully.
I had gastric bypass to help me get off some of my meds. Well, I am off insulin but now on 3 NEW meds for my stomach issues!!! My current med list:
Atenolol Heart Rate/Blood Pressure Bentyl Irritable Bowel Buspar Social Anxiety Cymbalta Depression/Fibromyalgia/ CMT Loperamide Irritable Bowel Lortab Chronic Fatigue//Fibromyalgia Meta-Glip Diabetes/Insulin Resistance Synthroid Hypothyroid Trazodone Depression/Insomnia Welchol Irritable Bowel Xanax Anxiety/Insomnia Fish Oil Multi Vitamin/Mineral Biotin IRON Probiotic Vitamin B Complex D3
I AM A WALKING PHARMACY! LOL!
I really need to lose weight to help with my Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome “CMT” which I was recently diagnosed with.
CMT Morbus Charcot-Marie-Tooth, Charcot-Marie-Tooth neuropathy, hereditary motor and sensory neuropathy (HMSN), hereditary sensorimotor neuropathy (HSMN), or peroneal muscular atrophy, is an inherited disorder of nerves (neuropathy) that takes different forms. It is characterized by loss of muscle tissue and touch sensation, predominantly in the feet and legs but also in the hands and arms in the advanced stages of disease. Currently incurable.
I inherited it from my dad. My legs and feet are getting weaker. I have extremely high arches and claw toes. When I walk, all my weight lands on the balls of my feet and not evenly as it is suppose to. My feet are starting to turn outward. Have very tight Achilles tendons. Gluts and Quads are also too tight. I started therapy last week to help prevent further damage. I have had issues all my life with twisting my ankles, losing my balance, and falling. At least now I know there is a reason and not just my clumsiness! CMT is a Muscular Dystrophy disease.
Angela October 20th, 2011 Dr Boyce's Office.
Still desiring to lose 50-75 additional pounds… with Dr Boyce’s surgical mind, capable hands, and his wonderful compassion, coupled with my rejuvenated desire to lose more weight; I am sure it can be accomplished.
I have been exercising for 15-30 min a day. Using resistant bands, stretches, and isometrics. Hope to go to aquatic aerobics 2-3 times a week. I will have to rise and shine by 7 am on the days we go… Just have to start getting my rump in bed earlier than the 4 am I am accustomed to.
I am so tired today. Got up at 8 am. Now my upper abdominal area is extended. Bloated horribly. Has been for a few hours. Miserable.
Went to Puleos in Strawberry Plains. I had a salad (greens, cheese, tomatoes, croutons, and cucumbers) homemade Italian dressing… I may have used 1 Tablespoon. Got stuffed after the salad and only had 3-4 bites of citrus chicken and 2 bites of sirloin. 3 bites of sesame noodles. One bite of bread.
I have known John for almost 4 years now. He and I text chat with video cam. No audio. I am just too shy… I finally made him a video of me taking to him with Audio. I have never made a video of myself until now.., BUT Damn I am so cute!!! Adorable. Sweet Southern Voice. John loved it! Gonna audio Chat with him LIVE this week. Think I have enough courage to do it. His step-grandsons (13 and 15) are out of school on Fall break and have been staying with him all week. Lucky to even see him on cam this week let alone TALK to him live… Hope to webcam chat with audio over the weekend.
We are heading out to pick up meds tomorrow and then gonna drive bye FrightMare Manor http://frightmaremanor.com/ to see how busy they are. It is about 2.5 miles from my house. Extremely popular attraction.
I am getting more confidence and self esteem. Feeling womanly. Dressing sexier. Receiving lots of male attention. :-)
Been playing with makeup. Tried a few different looks this week. Some were nice… others.. eh… not so much. LOL!
I wore a black mini-dress. It is called Bandage Dress. Got it 2 years ago and finally wore it for the first time today. It is a size 16 but I could have easily worn it in a size 12. Really pleased with the way my legs looked today! Main body issue I hate is my saggy flabby tummy. Lots of loose skin there. My face is also sagging some. Been doing facial exercises and hope that it get taunter. I also have a few wrinkles on my forehead… but hell I look spectacular to be almost 46 years old! LOL!
October 20, 2011
Hoping to visit my West Virginia Family in a few weeks. Missing them all. Sending love and prayers to all of them especially to Brandy, Sara, Becky and MaShayla. Praying that Shay’s cat Zena comes home soon. Sending get well wishes to Aunt Earlene. We are hoping to stay in a Cabin At Twin Falls Resort… if one of the handicapped cabins is available the weekend we go in.
My snack tonight will be low fat mozzarella string cheese and a few red seedless grapes…. and then off to bed.
I had a burst of energy today and did housework for over an hour. I even cooked strip steaks and cinnamony sweet tater fries… but now I am hurting severely in my shoulders and thighs. UGH! I visit my rheumy tomorrow in regards to my fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and insomnia.
I have an appt to see a podiatrist on Thursday. I have 4 open raw sore on my feet from a new pair of shoes. I am a diabetic and worry a lot when I even get s small scratch on my feet.
I had gastric bypass roux-en-y surgery 2 years ago.I see Dr Boyce, a gastric bypass surgeon, next week. Dr Boyce is checking to see why I lost only 50 lbs from the surgery. I should have lost 100 or more.
I lost 50 lbs PRIOR to surgery and then 50 lbs by my 6th month anniversary. I weighed the same for my 1 year and 18th month anniversary. I have lost additional weight the past few months but that is from me starving myself.
He has received my medical records from my surgeon Dr Mancini. I am hoping that Dr Boyce will order some tests to check out my stomach ‘pouch’ to see if it has stretched or if there is something wrong with the surgery. I am having some stomach issues. Pain in my left quadrant, severe diarrhea and gas. Even had 2 “accidents” the past few days. UGH! Thought that the welchol, bentyl and Imodium trio had cured that but I was wrong.
I have always felt something was not right with my surgery. I started complaining to Dr Mancini and his staff 2 weeks after I had surgery… I had some tests and all according to him they were normal… but I was having green diarrhea, and severe gnawing upper left quadrant pain. Eventually Dr Mancini did exploratory surgery and discovered that I had scar tissue. Repaired that. I felt better for a few days after that but I STILL have the same problems now.
I was not happy at all with losing just 50 lbs after undergoing MAJOR surgery. I should have lost 60-80% of my excess weight. I was 165-200 lbs overweight (depending on the insurance chart and body frame I should weigh anywhere from 115 to 155) when my journey started. I am STILL at least 50 lbs overweight!!! UGH!
John thinks I am getting too skinny. He suggests once I make my next goal weight being under 200, which I am only a few pounds away from, that I will stop ‘trying’ to lose weight.
I dream of weighing less than 175. I would be ok at that weight. But I would even be happier at 125!
Dad thinks I am too skinny now as well. MEN!
Just hoping and praying that Dr Boyce checks me out thoroughly and somehow helps me lose a few more pounds.
Bought a pair of fleece HALLOWEEN pants from Wally World… size MEDIUM 8-10… and they are too big on me…. loose and baggy. There is no way that a 200 lb woman should fit in a size small… I hate vanity sizing. According to these pants….I can only imagine how baggy a size small would be on a girl who is a size 2-4-6-8…since a medium is too big on me.
According to my measurements I am a 12/14 on the majority of sizing charts…. but once I put on clothing according to the size charts I realize that you can NOT believe them at all. Varied so much. There should be STANDARD measurements that all clothing manufactures should follow. I know I harp on this often … just a pet peeve of mine.
All the excess skin in my tummy region is driving me insane. So flabby and ugly… and painful. I end up with underbelly rashes often. Dr Melling has me on nystatin cream. Insurance won’t pay for the nystatin powder. I believe if I had a tummy tuck I could wear a size 8-10 easily.
Just hoping Rosie gets medical clearance so she and I can start water aerobics.
I KNOW I am in hyper mode and rambling.
I can be hyper and lucid one minute and the next minute I am incoherent with brain fog. UGH!
Sending my love and prayers to John. He was diagnosed with Tennis elbow. Poor baby is in so much pain that he hasn’t been sleeping well. Pray he sleeps well tonight.
Over the past few years so many wonderful and exciting changes have came into my life. Some I help create, some were surprisingly sprung upon me and some transformations that I never even knew I wanted suddenly came galloping into my life. Hope that the metamorphosis continues.
I currently weigh over 100 lbs less than my highest weight of 315 lbs. (I am STILL over 200 lbs.) Gastric Bypass “Lap Roux-En-Y” and a low carb and high protein diet helped me get to this point. I would love to lose 25-35 additional lbs. I was on that way to that goal when Rosie (my sissy) underwent her Gastric Bypass “Lap Biliopancreatic Diversion with Duodenal Switch” and her subsequent MRSA infections derailed my weight loss. I gained 4 lbs. in the last 2 months. I am one of those people who EAT carbs when stressed and having my baby sister so ill, whom I am a caregiver for, was extremely stressful for me… hence I ate way more carbs than a diabetic or a gastric bypass patient should. At times, I still do. Rosie had nausea and some vomiting today so I ate a bunch of Hershey miniature candies and 2 bananas.. Sugar is 272 as I type this. Should be 70-120.. So disappointed in myself but I am gonna gain control… I have to.
All week I have had so much energy… well spurts of it at least. Right now I am hyper. Will prolly clean the dining area prior to bed. So glad that I am having SOME energy since I have virtually none the majority of the time due to chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Thinking back it seems I ALWAYS feel better in Sept/October… wondering if the cooler weather benefits me more than hot weather does. I have never tolerated HOT weather. Hmmm… gonna have to move to a more temperate climate … sunny, mild and breezy sounds lovely… Hawaii sounds about right!
I have so many plans for my future. Really gungho. I am gonna lose those 25-35 NAGGING lingering pounds…. and when I do I am gonna go have a tummy tuck. I absolutely positively detest my saggy and baggy lose skin in my stomach Panniculus region. I bet I could wear a size 6 or an 8 jean if I didn’t have this excess skin! In stretch denim I can wear a size 12 now.
I was this same weight 20 years ago when I married and divorced Michael Patterson Hager, Jr. He and I married 20 Years ago on Sunday. Divorced shortly after. He was just a brain fart in my life. LOL! I can NOT believe I married such a low life and gave up my virginity to him. (yep I was a 25 year old virgin. I was NO ANGEL…. He and I did fool around some prior to the wedding but I saved the best for last) I honestly am such a different lady now… Not as naive.
Age, Wisdom, Time, and Growth go hand in hand.
There have been times when I have acted high and mighty towards others and said things I regret. Acted like I was better than they were and I wish I hadn’t. I ask those whom I did this to to forgive me. I am no angel. Have never been and will never be. I am HUMAN and make mistakes like everyone else does.
I am very shy around those that I don’t know very well… BUT those close to me know that in actuality, I can be flirty, bawdy, raucous, and even hilarious. I hate having social anxiety. It keeps me from forming relationships… online and in real life. It has been 17 years since I dated. Yes…. it will be…. SEVENTEEN Years…. on Nov 18th. I have a wonderful ONLINE ONLY friendship with John. Known him for almost 4 years now.
You would never know it from reading my journal or my postings online but I have a high Intelligence Quotient… major issue I have is saying something that makes me look like a fool… or worrying about hurting other peoples feelings…. I worry way too much about what other people THINKS about me. Oh yep… I am also snobbishly proud to be the QUEEN Of the Ellipsis… LOL!
I want “THE REAL ANGELA” to come across online and in reality. I wish everyone could see the Angela that my sis Rosie and My Friend John sees. That would be a major breakthrough. I am gonna attempt to accomplish that and many other goals. 2011 has only a few months left and in those few months they are gonna be some spectacular changes in me. My appearance has changed dramatically in the 2 years, since I had gastric bypass and now is the time for my personality to shine brilliantly…. like a diamond in the sky. Sparking. Twinkling. Radiantly. Everlasting.
My renewed faith is strong and I know I can do anything I set my mind to.
I have to thank my beloved John for helping me get to this point in my life. He is the greatest man I have ever known after my Daddy. He is always there for me. Supportive. Compassionate. Considerate. Helpful. Complimentary. He is a professional. Works for the Scottish Government. Wears suits and Ties. WOW.. I loved the way he looked tonight. Majority of the time I see him in sweats but the past few evenings he has been working late and came to our webcam chat in his business attire. Tonight was a black dress shirt and a black and white polka dotted tie. So spiffy. Fashionable. I adore that he is so intelligent. He loves computers as much as I do. Knowledgeable in so many varied subjects… so unlike all the other men I have loved. Yes LOVED> I love that rascal and he loves me. He and I will remain ONLY friends unless God has other plans but for now it is a friendship. A partnership. He and I are emotionally closer than the preponderance of husbands and wives. He and I support one another. Comfort each other. ‘GET’ one another. So happy that I replied to his message 4 years ago. I knew immediately he was different. He and I met at a BBW “Big Beautiful Woman” friendship site… which has since shuttered.
John has been having some problems with his arm/elbow after falling off a ladder last weekend. Having major trouble sleeping. Pray that he gets a good nights sleep. I can’t wait to see him tomorrow night.
I have been tidying up my bedroom so John and I can have a private talk. It has been a long time since we chatted in private. Maybe twice in the last 2 years. Have been chatting on my laptop in Rosie’s room. Been TEXT chatting only… hope to talk by phone/webcam chat this weekend. He only has been seeing my face on webcam…. This weekend I will let him see me and the weight I have since lost.
I am experiencing body issues. Nothing new…. I was 315 lbs when I met John… and I was actually more comfy with my body then than I am now. I used to be way more provocative back then. I miss that part of me. Lately I have been wearing short dresses and tighter clothes. Even dyed my hair back to the color it was 20 years ago when I weighed the same. BLACK hair just suits me better. Even been wearing human hair extensions and wigs. Gastric bypass caused me to lose some of my luxurious mane. I cut over 15″ off over a year ago to see if that would make it look fuller. It didn’t…. Still almost as thin. My hair is now 23″ long again. It was over 30″ prior to the bypass. Hope to get it that long again. It is very healthy. Shiny. Just straggly and scrawny. Especially in the front area. :-( I am just thankful that they make decent and affordable hair extensions and wigs now. I do wear my own hair the majority of the time but [...]
GOOD NEWS: The fistula to Rosie’s colon is healing on it’s own. :-)
Rosie had 2 drainage tubes removed from her abdomen.
She had a cyst drained near her bladder. Sending off a culture to see what it is. Assume it is MRSA staph infection like the rest of them has been. She has a new drain that is connected to the bladder cyst area.
They added the antibiotic Invanz to her treatment.
Her hernia wound is healing and closing in. :-)
Rosie is feeling great…. ate 2 slices of thin deli ham for her snack and a 2-3 oz of roast beef for supper.
I LOVE MY SISSY!
I had severe muscle aches in my thighs. Vicodin relieved it for awhile. Coming back… UGH!
Rosie had a vomiting episode that came on instantly… without any warning… It was clear foamy liquid. I hate seeing her vomit so violently. Poor thing. Happened about 3 hours after having dinner.. she ate 100% of her 2 oz of pureed chicken. Thankful that a Registered Nurse was in here to assist us tonight.
Rosie’s Blood Pressure has been up a lil all day. Also having a mild fever.
Pray that she sleeps well tonight.
I am exhausted today. Achy in all my joints. Wore out. Not getting any decent rest here at the hospital. Can’t wait to get home and in my own bed. Hopefully soon.
Rosie had a good night. Feeling well today. Eating fairly well.. would do so much better IF the food was palatable. She had a scrambled egg, strawberry jelly, and milk for breakfast.
Dr Boyce ( gastric bypass surgeon) and Dr Adams (infectious disease doc) has visited Rosie this morn. Boyce is aiming for Rosie to get released by the weekend. Dietician needs to add up her protein intake and report to him. He has ordered another abdominal ct scan to check for inflammation and abscess of her tummy. Dr Adams is ordering her IV vancomycin for home use as well as flagyl orally.
Rosie has had very minor nausea the past few days and has kept ALL her food and fluids down. Praise God.
She sat up for an hour in her wheelchair yesterday. Aiming for 90 min today.
She is still receiving TPN nutrition feedings by IV. I assume they will continue for a few days once she arrives back home.
We are not certain of Rosie’s highest weight but assume she has lost around 100 lbs so far. She is still weak and does not set up straight. So the weight loss is not that noticeable yet. Once she can sit up better and wear clothes other than extremely loose garments( due to her hernia wound and her MRSA drain tube) all her weight loss will be greatly visible. She was wearing size 32/34 pants. Prior to surgery she was down to a size 24. She has lost 40+ lbs since so I assume she will be able to wear even smaller pants as soon as the wounds heal. She has a new wardrobe at home waiting for her. We purchased all sorts of clothes prior to surgery. She has some really sexy clothes. My sis is gonna be a skinny minny SLUT! LOL.. Just like her sis. LOL.
My chronic fatigue syndrome has a major flare-up. So tired. Really severe shoulder… thigh… hip… aches and pings. I slept so-so last night. Gonna take a nap with Rosie shortly.
Rosie is up every 90 min to urinate at night. She uses a bed pan. The nurse assistants take care of it at night and I do it during the day.
Been having panic attacks. Just stressed and feeling lonely. Missing John. Even though we text and email daily I haven’t seen him LIVE on cam. He is gonna go on a holiday to Spain with his sis. Gonna miss him even more.
I am hoping Rosie gets released tomorrow.
Thanks for all your prayers, support and well wishes.
Rosie is doing well. She ate 1 scrambled egg and 1/2 serving of applesauce for breakfast. She vomited up clear fluids aka foamies afterwards BUT as long as she keeps her food down, which she did, all is well.
She has seen 3 doctors today and a dietician.
She is sleeping now. I plan on taking a nap after dad gets here and leaves.
Her WBC level went down to 20,000.
She is feeling so much better. No pain. No nausea.
I had a rough night. Didn’t sleep well. My shoulders and thighs are killing me. Having to take my Vicodin as scheduled. I normally only take half of what the doc has prescribed for me.
Hopefully Rosie will get to go home tomorrow.
I have been so stressed out with worry about Rosie. It finally caught up with me…. I have been so nervous, anxious, and shaky since last night.
Rosie got weighed in the hospital bed and she has lost 31 more lbs since surgery. So proud of her. She is delighted. She has lost around 90 lbs since February!!!
She is attempting to take protonix (tummy med) orally. Will see how it goes.
I had BBQ chicken, Mashed Taters, Broccoli, and Cucumbers for my dinner. Have enough leftovers for 2 more meals. They give you way too much food!!!
I am having an allergy attack. UGH!
Just took some vicoden and hopefully my leg and shoulder pains will subside. TIRED.
Pukes up her meds as well as her vitamins and protein shakes.
She is getting feed by TPN IV Infusions with added vitamins that are customized according to her needs.
Rosie hates feeling so bad and I hate seeing her in pain.
She is having tender aches and pains all over her tummy region.
She is exhausted.
Just pray that she gets some rest tonight and wakes up feeling 100% better.
Her home RN Pete is coming tomorrow to change the wound vac on her OPEN hernia repair wound. Also doing labs on her.
I am doing all the IV infusions by myself now. IF she does not start eating and keeping foods and her pills down she will have to have a feeding tube inserted. :-(
Rose’s home health aides Peggy and Dina both are coming tomorrow… staying from 2 to 9. I think that is the times. I am so forgetful. I hope to get some rest tomorrow. Peggy and Dina are like family to us. We all adore them both.
Rosie sees her Family doc, Blake Melling, on Monday in regards to her right outer thigh pain.
Tuesday she sees a Gastroenterologist… Dr Wilhoite.
Dr Boyce, the surgeon who performed her Gastric Bypass bpd/ds thinks Rosie may have a stricture… aka blockage. He kinda hopes so since that would explain her nausea and the reasons why she can’t keep things down. Rosie will have an endoscopy prolly this week. HOPEFULLY.
Thursday she sees her nutritionist.
Busy week. Just hope the doctors can identify and help what ever is causing her to be so sick.
She has such rawness and burning along her entire gastric tract. I know it is prolly inflamed due to all the vomiting. Poor baby.
She is urinating much better. Still having small runny bowel movements.
Her glucose jumped from 85 to 190 today…
Rosie and I napped for 4 hours today. She is sound asleep now. I am gonna have to wake her to test her glucose before I go to bed. Trying to wait till this 12 hour TPN IV infusion completes its job. Should be ALMOST done.
All our pets are worried about Rose. Punkin, our siamese cat, won’t leave Rosie’s side. Tater, Jazzi and Smoki all are very careful when they get near Rose. They know she is sore from the hernia repair.
As I cleaned and repacked her open drain site, which tunnels a few inches inside her stomach… Rosie seemed to be in more pain in that region that she had been as I pushed the packing tape inside of it. Bloodier as well.
Both of her IV Picc lines flushed with saline smoothly today. They had been causing trouble for me as well as the nurses.
You should see all the medical supplies in our house. Rosie has boxes stacked for wound care items in her bedroom. We keep the IV Transfusion items in the fridge or on the kitchen table for easy access.
I have been eating fairly healthy but with stress and fretting about Rosie I have indulged in way many more carbs than I normally would.
Had some nice conversation with my best friend John this past week. I so look forward to seeing him for our daily webcam chat. We support one another and enjoy our relaxing time together. Even IF it is only for a few minutes. I have been so wore out lately that I sometimes miss chat and nap instead. I woke up this morning aching to see him. Just seeing him live on cam is such a blessing. Comforts me tremendously. He is having dinner tomorrow at his sisters. Pray he does not overeat or get heartburn… I know he will be over indulging in curry dishes as he always does. :-0
Prayers to and for my cousin Becky. Praying that the docs can determine the nature and cause of her edema and leg pains… and that they are treatments for them. She has appt to see a cardiologist and a rheumatologist.
I have been having pings and soreness on the left side of my navel region. Not sure what is causing that.
Having major fibromyalgia brain fog. Constantly forgetting things and having to remind myself often. Having to make lists to keep track of things… Also having all the normal pains and soreness in my legs and shoulders. Also been having some neck stiffness.
My tummy is doing better than it was. I am on Imodium, Bently, and Welchol now for my IBS. Having less frequent ‘accidents’ now.
My nerves are frazzled. So stressed. Been depressed and crying often… which I had stopped doing. Having severe panic attacks with having to deal with all the nurses and medical field persons. Seems like I am on the phone constantly with someone…. and I detest talking on the phone with a passion!
I MAY go out tomorrow grocery shopping. I HATE doing it alone. I more or less run through the store grabbing stuff as quick as possible and getting out of there before having a heart attack.
Just so scared for Rosie. Just pray that she can start eating again and keeping food and fluids down. Not sure what to do when she pukes up her meds. Will discuss with Dr Melling on Monday.
Time to turn off her IV pump, check her sugar, and get to bed.
From @ButlerBlue2: Me, @ButlerBlue3 & the one & only Gasoline Alley at @IMS. -- via Flickr
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