Hot Men: PHOTO: Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, and Joe Manganiello do a little striptease for the July 2012 cover of Entertainment Weekly.
Ke$ha, Naya Rivera, and Katharine McPhee have all been seen sporting 1930s-era finger-waved looks.
Chanteuse Lana Del Rey looked perfectly lovely in her Alberta Ferretti gown, but the real attention-grabber was her 18-karat white gold necklace, which featured a 31-carat yellow pear-shaped diamond drop. That's quite the rock.
Berenice Bejo Actress Berenice Bejo of The Artist was picture perfect in bright red Louis Vuitton accented with Chopard jewels. Classic RED Dress.
WEIRD FASHION: Elena Lenina is a Russian model/author who appeared on a French reality television show in 2003
Lady GaGa @ Narita International Airport on Wednesday (May 16) in Tokyo, Japan.
Nicole Scherzinger, UK premiere of Men in Black 3 on Wednesday (May 16) at Odeon Leicester Square in London, England.
Jennifer Morrison
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Brooklyn Decker glams it up for a feature in Vanity Fairs June 2012 issue
Ricky Martin
Diane Kruger poses at the 2012 Cannes Film Festival‘s jury photo call held at Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes, France.
Eva Longoria. Cannes
Jane Fonda> Cannes
Diane Kruger,. Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes
Freida Pinto. Palais des Festivals on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes
Janet Jackson
Billy Ray Cyrus: Milk Campaign Ad
Brevard Zoo! The zoo welcomes its first Saki monkey baybay into the fold on April 20th. The cute female babe is mama Chuckie's first child as well.
PHOTO: Bruce Willis poses at the Moonrise Kingdom photo call held during the 2012 Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festival on Wednesday (May 16) in Cannes, France.
See what your friends are reading Shared with friends Settings Roach In McDonald's Hash Browns: Man Finds Deep-Fried Bug Mealbreaker (n.): a nasty, non-edible surprise found in food while it is being eaten; often lawsuit-provoking, sometimes fabricated, always disgusting.
Princess Kate Middleton BRAIDED UP-DO
Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Todd. Fashion. Tiara. CLASSIC
Went to Rack Room Shoes. I got 2 pairs of bjorndal sandals.
Went to TJ Maxx but didn’t buy anything.
Went to Office Max. Rosie got a touch pen for her new Ipad.. will be here on the 16th. My laptop is touch screen so I am having a blast! Also purchased some gel INK Pens.
We ate at The Davy Crockett Restaurant, choose a meat Plus 2-3 sides… all under $9.99 Sides includes salads as well as Banana Pudding.
Rosie got the Open Faced Roast Beef Sandwich, Mashed Taters and Banana Pudding. She has not touched the nana pudding and has enough Roast beef for 2 more meals!
Dad got the sirloin, slaw, brown beans and Nana Pudding. He brought ALL of the sirloin home for our dogs!
I had the country fried steak. Ate about 1/3 of it and brought the rest home for the Boys (Snickers and Smoki). Mashed Taters, Side Salad (Country French Dressing) and Nana Pudding.
Smoki and Snickers went out with us. Dad stayed in the Van with the boys as we shopped.
I am THRILLED that Rosie is feeling so much better. She is back to her boisterous funny self… Thank God. I missed her. Love seeing her enjoying food. Been a long 7.5 months (Gastric Bypass) since she actually wants to eat and is able to enjoy it. BLESSED.
Going to pack clothes this weekend. Heading to West Virginia Next Sunday. Hoping to meet all of my West Virginia family at the new Arby’s in Pineville around 3 pm Sunday the 18th.
Pineville does NOT even have a McDonald’s. Closest McDonald’s is 13.48 miles away!
Closest Wal-Mart is 24.67 miles
Pineville does have a Dairy Queen now.
Going to call my Aunt Mattie and Uncle Harold (Springfield, OHIO) and let them know we are heading to Pineville. Hope they can meet us there.
Going to bleach Rose Lee’s Hair and Dye it a brighter red for Spring.
Dyeing mine Jet Black. Also going to cut some Bangs / Fringe to hide the wrinkles on my forehead. Yes, I do have wrinkles!
ALLERGIES are killing me. Sneezing. Breaking out in rashes when I go outside. Itching all over. Ear Tickles. Inflammation on my forehead. Sinus/Allergies Sucks!
Getting OLDER Sucks even-more-so.
Realizing that I let 46 years pass away without LIVING it.
Pray that I overcome my shyness. I want to have a bubbly, sparkling, boisterous personalty… I wish I could talk to men without having a panic attack. Wish I was able to be flirty. I just don’t have the confidence I wish I had. Always worried about something.
I still have Social anxiety.. afraid I am saying the wrong things. That I am bothering people. etc.
I am able to talk to gay men without any problem. Or I talk to men who live thousands of miles away so I won’t have to deal with them in person.
I Pray that I can start communicating with Straight Single men who live in Tennessee. Afraid of getting my heart broken again.
I have NEVER even had a girlfriend to talk with. No friends in School… I had few friends @ School but they never came to my house and I never went to theirs. Never called and spoke on the phone… etc
Rose Lee is my best friend and Sissy.
John is my best male friend. He lives 3,500 miles away from here. Friends Only.
I have some friends online. Just acquaintances. I would love to be able to have friends in my life. Someone to hang out with. Do things with, etc Laugh with. Cry With.
John is the only one who sees me cry. I share everything, all my thoughts, worries, anxieties. He knows me very well.
I bet I went 20 some years where I CRIED every single night. Feeling so lonely. I still cry on occasion but not like I use to.
I would LOVE to have a man to call me…not sure if I am ready.. I am getting there.
I have personal ads at a slew of websites. Get mail on a daily basis. Just don’t know which one I should write back so I don’t reply to any of them.
Asking God to guide me to the men, that will enhance my quality of life. Someone who will bring out the BEST in me. Someone who is Compassionate, Patient, Family Oriented and someone wants to help the less fortunate and who also adores animals.
I know the man God designed me for is out there praying to meet me. Praying for my family. I pray for that man every day and I have for 30 years. I know God wants me to have a helpmate. A Lover. A Friend. Praying that he enters my life soon.
I surrender my will to God’s will for my life.
Please Pray that God will help me overcome all my insecurities.
I Pray for confidence, the words to help encourage and bless others.
Use my smile to show God’s love to the world.
God, Here I Am.. Use me anyway you see fit. I am willing.
God Help me Help others.
I know I have it in me to overcome anything and everything that is holding me back from my full potential.
Change my personality Dear Lord… Make me bubbly, friendly, well spoken, and kinder.
Make me selfless.
Give me the words that people need to hear.
USE ME.
Please USE ME Lord.
I surrender.
Ready to change.
Change starts NOW!
I pray for everyone who read this .
I pray for everyone in the world to be nicer to one another.
Rosie is still feeling awesome. Eating well. I am so pleased. PRAISE JESUS for Answered prayers.
I am feeling good emotionally and spiritually but physically I ache all over. Having Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Insomnia, Low Thyroid, Neuropathy, and Charcot-Marie Tooth Syndrome sucks.
Still having some episodes of depression, social anxieties, and panic attacks.
I did chat with a family friend, David, on Facebook Chat. He was the 1st I chatted with on Facebook… he is a pre-teen. He always makes me smile. He won KING at the Spring Dance! CONGRATS! Hope to see him on the trip to WV on March 18-20th. Last trip he spent the night with us at the cabin at Twin Falls Resort.
Also got to chat with my cousin Brandy. Even discussed her moving to Tennessee. Wants to start an animal rescue center. She works with the IRS and is gonna look for a job down here. She is like a sis to Rosie and I. She lived next to us in West Virginia. Love her.
Brandy and I both have the same emotional issues.
Not wanting to go out tomorrow…. needing rest BUT I need to go get my allergy shot.
Rosie ordered herself the new Ipad 3 HD. Will be here on March 16th. She is so excited. She deserves it since she went through 7.5 months of hell!
Thrilled she is feeling better.
Fatigued beyond words and heading to bed. Pray that I get some sleep.
Rosie and I went out to grocery shop after taking the boys for a drive through the countryside. Rosie got ill in the store and we had to leave. Diarrhea and vomiting. Believe me I have done nothing but clean up both ever since she had gastric bypass surgery on 7-24-11. She also had major cramping below her navel region. Wanted to take her to the ER but she wanted to come home and let me clean her up first. Well, we did that. She had no fever and decided to wait till tomorrow. We have been to the ParkWest Hospital ER 5 times since 7-24-11 with her having nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Took 3 ER visits to get them to admit her. Finally got an ER doc that would listen!!!!!
She had MAJOR case of MRSA abscesses in her stomach and spent 21 days in the hospital. The Last visit was 10 days ago…..her vitals, ct scan and labs were normal. They couldn’t do complete labs since she is a difficult stick. They SHOULD HAVE tried more times than they did. UGH!
She’s had 2 hernia repairs since GBS “Gastric Bypass Surgery” One in August 2011 and another in Feb 2012. After the most recent repair she got SEVERE DIARRHEA! I should know since I am her caregiver and it has been BAD! YUCK. She has had NO APPETITE since GBS. Was on TPN Feedings for 2 months. She has not ate a handful of food in weeks. She is weak. Has significant bruising on her body. I am sure she is dehydrated and malnourished.
We are heading to University of Tennessee Emergency Room tomorrow and NOT Parkwest Hospital.
Rosie NOW has a fever of 100.6. Giving her a Tylenol.
I just pray that we get a good ER doc who will investigate all her issues she is having.
I am taking enough clothes and toiletries for a few weeks. Sure they will admit her. Dad is gonna MAKE THEM! She is obviously sick. She has lost over 200 lbs in 13 months! Just so scared and worried about her. Stressed out to the max. All she has ate today is 1 1/2 deli thin ham slices and 1/2 slice of cheese. She has only drank about 20 OZ of fluids. Just not able to drink or eat much.
PRAISE GOD for all my friends in Scotland, Tennessee, and Texas. Don’t know what I would do without you. You all are a blessing. So glad I took a chance and decided to befriend all of you. You are GOOD PEOPLE!
My heart is beating too fast. Lump in my throat. UGH. Trying to relax.
Rosie took her phenergan and will soon be asleep. As soon as I know she is sound asleep I am going go to bed. EXHAUSTED.
Dad, Rosie, The Boys and I went to the Great Smokies Flea Market today. We took the Boys pet stroller which they both USED to fit in…. Snickers has grown so big that it was a tight fit. So Rosie bought a pet stroller than holds 4 small pets. Ended up selling the old Stroller to a lady for $20… she was thrilled to get it. It was a bargain. New stroller was $86
Rosie bought the boys new harnesses to go with the new collars she got earlier this week. So Snazzy!
Picked up some $1 jewelry items. I bought a long dress for $8 brand new. Rosie got her one as well.
Rosie woke up this morn and started vomiting as soon as she took her meds. Had nausea off and on all day. She fell asleep about an hour ago. Hope she wakes up feeling better.
Went to Capt. Gallery in Dandridge for Dinner. Rosie and I split the Ribeye, Jumbo Shrimp, Fried Zucchini and Salad. We have enough ribeye leftover to feed us both supper tomorrow. I also have some fried zucchini left over. YUM! Was gonna order some clam chowder but forgot to. Thank God.. I couldn’t have ate it. Was stuffed.
SnickerDoodle has been so protective of me this evening. Will not allow Smoki to come near me. Growling at him. Not sure why.
Need to find a dentist. Need a good cleaning and perhaps a filling. Want one closer to us than Dr. Frankie office.
Had a panic attack or hot flash… at the flea market. Was drenched head to toe with sweat for almost an hour. Skin was flushed. HATE IT.
Got home and my face is puffy. Wasn’t when I left. Not sure… but I bet it is allergy related.
Thinking about cutting bangs again. Not sure.
John adored my hair tonight. I rolled it with 1″ velcro rollers. Used tons of ‘em. Looked so feathery and shiny.
Rosie is craving an Hawaiian Ice so we are going on an excursion to find one tomorrow. Wish us luck.
Had issues with my balance today. Almost fell flat on my butt twice today. Just unsteady. Really need to get an injection in my right hip as Doc Kouser wanted to do.
SO HAPPY for my friends in Nashville. Good things are heading their way. Movie is being made by Universal based on their lives. INSPIRATIONAL! Blessed to have them in my life. I love em all. Hope that one day we can meet one another.
Just realized I haven’t taken my meds tonight.. Oops… BRB. Took em.
I haven’t taken my vitamins/minerals/supplements in a week or so. Gonna start back.
Also I have been naughty…. Been consuming way more carbs that I should. Makes me feel sluggish. I should know better but Carbs are so comforting to me.
Will prolly be going to West Virginia on Friday. Hope the large handicapped cabin at Twin Falls State Park is available. May have to change the day we go. We LOVE that cabin cause so many of our WV family can stay with us. :-)
Having aches and pains. May have to increase my dosage on my pain meds back to what the doc wants me to take. Tried to lower them and OUCH!
Dad was in a great mood this afternoon. Thank God cause sometimes he is the grouchiest old man on earth. Dad attracts so many women. Always trying to pick him up. He does NOT look 71 at all. Still has all his hair and he is indeed handsome. HE DOES NOT WANT TO DATE ANYONE.
I do want to date YET I get no dudes trying to pick me up. NONE. Only man who has come up to me and asked me out was the man (Hager) that I married. Rest of the men I dated were through personal newspaper ads.Men may be interested in me and I am just tooo dumb and socially inept that I don’t recognize it. Ooops… One other man asked me out at church in 1991. He didn’t have a car nor a job so I politely declined.
I don’t go anywhere without Rosie. Only time I have been apart was during hospitalizations. Maybe 3-4 times I was gone for a few hours with Hager. I did spend 3 over night trips at Gary’s (aka WV Millionaire dude) house
The only time I ever went on a date ALONE with a man was my honeymoon night… Always had Rosie or they brought their friends along. I would love to have a man pick me up, bring me flowers and take me out just for dinner. Just Dinner is all I ask.
Only one man has sent me flowers and that was Steven Bryant Ward aka Poison98. I met him through a Poison Chat Room that he hosted. He and I had a cyber which progressed to a phone relationship for almost a year. We had planned on him flying in from Tulsa, Oklahoma to West Virginia to meet and he backed out the week we was coming to meet me. We ended up staying together for a few months after that. He sent me flowers for my birthday. I am a December babe and the flowers were sent in a unique green globe ornament vase. Still have it in my bedroom.
Goodness, I have missed out on so much in my life…. It is time for that to change!
I know I have a few men who reads my journal often. One is The Actor, Game Show Host, Mr Intelligence himself Stephen Fry! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Fry He says he is 90% gay and 10% straight. I have written him a few naughty PRIVATE (you have to follow one another to send PRIVATE messages on Twitter) flirtatious tweets and he always replies. I love an intelligent man who knows who he is and stands up for what he believes in… way more than a handsome one. But I do admire a handsome warm heart and soul.
I know that some awesome things are about to transpire in my life. Excited. Lord, I surrender prepare me for all the new adventures I am about to undertake!
We are gonna take the Boys: Smoki Poki Loki (Carin Terrier aka Toto dog) and SnickerDoodle Bug (Miniature long haired dachshund) for a Sunday drive through the country side. We have taken Sunday drives for as long as I can remember. So relaxing. Love to admire all the glorious beauty God has created. Well it is relaxing until Smoki sees cows, deers, goats. horses, rabbits, etc. Then all heck breaks lose. He goes nuts. Barking. UGH! But what is even worse is when it is raining and we have the windshield wipers on… Smoki dives into the dashboard after them. UGH! And I am even holding him and his leash! Snickers and Smoki enjoyed having the window down today….As Bret Michaels wrote, “RIDE THE WIND, Never coming back till I touch the midnight sun.” I sing that to the Boys and they go bonkers cause they know I am about to roll down the window!
Asking the Lord Jesus Christ to help me SAY NO TO CARBS! Praying for energy to do more things. Chronic fatigue is debilitating. UGH. I am gonna do at least 30 min of household chores daily. Asking God for the willpower to do more things without pain and to control my appetite. I SURRENDER.
My cousin Brandy found 6 puppies dropped off on a country road in WV. They are so cute. She is keeping one and going to find homes for the others. Pray they all received loving homes. Looks like part German Shepherd.
When 9-11-01 happened I was seeing a psychiatrist prior to it happening. It was so difficult to deal with. A few months after it happened My shrink made me promise not to read or watch news about it. Still upsetting to me. Now all these tornadoes, hurricanes, natural [...]
Went to Knoxville today. Rosie saw her gastric bypass surgeon. She has lost over 200 lbs. She only weighs 20 lbs more than me now.
Doc started her on Flagyl to see if her nausea, diarrhea and vomiting responds to it. May be C Diff. Not sure. Plans are for her to be on it for 4 weeks. Off 2 weeks. Back on for 2 weeks. IF she doesn’t start feeling better he is gonna send her to a gastroenterologist.She is still swollen on her right lower abdominal quadrant. CT Scans, Labs. and vitals were all normal.
Went to Ross for Less in Knoxville. We went to the one here in Morristown last weekend. Got so many bargains. All items are size 14 or smaller. I got one dress that is a 9/10. Rosie is gonna try her clothes I got her on tomorrow. Hope she can wear at least one of them now. I know she will be able to wear them by our vacay in May. She is losing 4-5 lbs a week.
I haven’t gained or lost any in over 18 months.. but I have lost 5″ from my waist!
The dress I am wearing is from Ross for Less. Got it for $7.99 YES Seven dollars and 99 cents.
Bought another one like it in muted tones at Ross or Less in Knoxville. . it was $13.99 Exact same dress just a different color.
Rosie and I got a few short PARTY dresses. One was only $5.99 and it is lovely satin material with sparkles.
I think the most expensive item we purchased was $17.99
Went to PETSMART. Got Smoki a new harness. Got Smoki and Snickers both a Monkey Squeaky Toy and a Rawhide Cookie.
Ate at Mimi’s Cafe for lunch. I had a salad with 1 T Sesame Balsamic Vinaigrette. Ate 1/4 of a turkey and cheese croissant with cranberry orange relish. Ate the rest tonight. Dad had Corn Chowder, Slaw and turkey and cheese croissant with cranberry orange relish. He brought half the sandwich home for our dogs. Rosie ate 4 oz of Flat Iron Steak. She explained that she had gastric bypass and didn’t want any potatoes or veggies and asked for a Strawberry/ Pineapple side dish. They brought her a huge plate of it. She brought it home and had it for a snack. She prolly has 8 oz of steak still in the fridge for tomorrow. I am so happy when she eats. She rarely eats ANYTHING cause she feels so nauseous.
Tomorrow, we go for Allergy shots. Have to pick up some meds and go grocery shopping. Rosie also needs to go to Healthstar for a PT test since she is on blood thinner.
Hope she starts feeling able to get out and do more things. Would love to go to the Smokies this weekend. Maybe even to the Cinemas.
Rosie REALLY needs a new wheelchair. The cushion in her chair is so worn out. She slopes down in the chair and ends up with severe back pains. She is due for a new chair in June. Gonna call Medicare and make sure. She will need a much smaller chair! Her wheelchair weighs 375 lbs without her even in it!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND SHANE.
Praying for everyone. On my mind tonight are all those affected by the storms and tornadoes. Sad.
Heading to bed shortly. Tired. Been up since 9 am. That is way early for me. Normally my wake up time is after 1 pm. I like to stay up till 3-5 am. Always been a night owl.
Can’t get *him* off my mind… not sure what to do. Decisions. Decisions. Asking God to Guide the both of us. I SURRENDER US.
Another *him* Wondering if I should overtly FLIRT with him. Afraid of ruining our friendship. He sorta flirts… just not sure. I am so dumb when it comes to Men! UGH! Asking God to Guide the both of us. I SURRENDER US.
Another *him*…. this him is the one I am suppose to spend eternity with… Wherever he is tonight, dear Lord, Keep him safe and warm. Speak to his spirit and let him know I am the one. Guide he and I together. Protect both our families and our friends. I Pray for patience until the day we walk into one each others life. Prepare us both for the journey we are suppose to take together. Bring people into our lives that can help us grow. People that we can help. Let our smiles, hearts and words encourage other people. USE US BOTH. I take it upon myself and surrender both he and I to the LORD! Use us for Your glory. Let him feel the holy spirit right at this moment. Speak to his heart. Comfort us both with the hope of finding each other. I hope Soon but I defer to God cause I know God’s timing is perfect.
Rosie had nausea all day. No hunger. But she did eat some chicken noodle soup.. which she vomited back up. We believe her nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting is due to the antibiotic Augmentin that she has been on.
Manicure: BLACK STAR by Revlon Top Speed.
Will be happy to get out of the house tomorrow. Can’t believe I actually want to go out. Used to hate it so much that I avoided leaving the house at all. I even went almost 20 years without going to a movie. Rosie and I now go often as we like to.
Slowly but surely I am becoming more extroverted. Enjoying all the male attention I have started receiving again. So thrilled with my weight loss. Gives me so much more confidence.
Had a lovely webcam chat with John tonight. He went to the dentist and they couldn’t find anything wrong. They think he has a food particle trapped in his gum line. He was feeling so much better today. He was playful, naughty and so much fun. I love that silver haired rascal.
I have been celibate for a while now. What I miss most is kissing and hugs. I have only kissed a few men….
Best kisser was a guy named Roger. He was 3rd runner up for Mr West Virginia. A Body builder…. an incredible body. Regret that I didn’t sleep with him.Almost did.
Gary was a man I dated for 6 months. He is a multi-millionaire. He owned 28 houses when I was with him. Plus numerous companies. I loved going out on his 44 foot cabin cruiser… speeding up and down the Kanawha river in Charleston. Or going over 100MPH in his corvette, So much fun. He was just too busy and didn’t devote enough time to build a relationship.
I truly miss Michael from Mississippi. He was the love of my life (so far) Such a loving , compassionate man. He and I dated for 2 years. He was a Momma’s boy and would not move to West Virginia. We remained close friends till he passed away from a brain tumor. I am getting chills just from thinking of all the wonderful memories he and I shared. My parents adored him. We traveled together. Best vacay was spent in a deluxe cabin in Pigeon Forge. Jacuzzi is all I will say.. but wow-weee we had a blast.
I only kissed one other man but I don’t have ANY fond memories of him. PRAISE GOD that I got him out of my life. Mom, Dad and Rose all hated him and now I understand why. I deserve so much more than he had to offer.
Doing well on my diet. Will get weighed tomorrow at Dr Boyce’s office.
I will probably drive to Knoxville tomorrow. Last year at this time I didn’t even having my driver’s license. So proud of what I have accomplished over the past few years.
Still having panic attacks at times. Having less of them but when I have one it is more intense than they use to be.
I am going to smile and talk to more people tomorrow.
Going to Knoxville tomorrow. Rose’s has an appt with her surgeon. She is still swollen from her hernia repair surgery. Painful as well. Hope Dr Boyce can drain the seroma tomorrow. Hope she does not have to be hospitalized. I pray that Rosie gets healthy and STAY healthy.
Angela Rose’s Day Spa has been open for an hour. Getting all beautified for our trip tomorrow.
Completed Facial, Shaving, Hair deep-conditioned and Curled.
Pedicure completed.
Raven Black Toenails.
Doing manicure later tonight. Either black or silver.
Going to start to whiten my teeth tonight. Already did a scrub with Baking Soda. Feels so clean. Rosie got me an Electric toothbrush for Christmas. Going to start using it tomorrow. Also have Crest 3D White Intensive Professional Effects Whitestrips with Advanced Seal Technology Kit.
Gave Rosie a facial after her home health aide bathed her and shampooed her hair. She wants to get dolled up tomorrow… IF she is able to. She is still having nausea and diarrhea.
Somehow I ran out of my anti-anxiety med Buspar and didn’t notice it till last night. Back on it now. I apologize for being so moody and dramatic. Buspar should get me back to somewhat normal moods.
As my regular readers know, I lost almost 30% of my hair after my gastric bypass… which is fairly common. At the time of surgery my hair was almost to my waist. I ended up cutting it to my shoulders to make it look fuller. Which it did. Last month I had all sorts of new hair that had grown in and was all sorts of weird lengths so I cut off 4 inches. It is now growing out again. EVEN MORE FULLER THAN PRIOR TO SURGERY. Hope to get it back down to my waist again. Will take 2-3 years. I will wear 100% human hair extensions occasionally just to change my look… as you know I love to do.
Thankful that over the past 20 years I have grown up so much. A totally different person than I was. Wisdom and knowledge is such a blessing. So grateful for the people who helped me get to the point I am now in life. Doubly Blessed in that Department.
Have so much peace and serenity today. Thank all of you for the well wishes and prayers. Getting a decent nights sleep helped tremendously.
Haven’t heard from a few friends… hope I didn’t say or do something to offend them. IF I did I apologize. I miss them. SAD.
Hope Rosie feels well enough to go to the Mall in Knoxville. Plans are to eat at Mimi’s Cafe. Have a coupon for Buy an Entree get one FREE!
I am planning on wearing a black floral short dress tomorrow with black pantyhose and black knee-high boots. I have a pink cardigan to wear IF it is cold. Will probably do full makeup. Maybe even add false eyelashes. Depends IF I have time. I have to get up at 7 am. My bedtime has bed 4 am or later for weeks. Hope to get to bed by 11-12 tonight.
Sending much love to everyone. Pray that everyone in the world has LOVE, Serenity, Health, and knows and LOVES GOD.
Rosie had a bad day. Diarrhea, Nausea, and Vomiting. Still having swelling and pain in her abdomen. Hate seeing her be so miserable. She sees her surgeon on Wednesday.
My moods fluctuated wildly today. So worried about Rosie.
Did get in an hour of housework. Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia sucks.
Didn’t get to see John tonight. Pray he is feeling better. Poor Baby.
Missing some of my friends. Pray that they are doing well.
With Rosie going through good days and bad days since her gastric bypass (June 26th, 2011) is really taking its toll on me. I have to do more since she feels so bad. Hasn’t been on her laptop, netbook or PC in over a week now.Yep, Rosie and I have our own laptop and netbook but we share the PC.
I get thrilled when she is feeling good and then severely depressed when she isn’t.A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS!
Haven’t slept well in over a week. May get in 2 straight hours at a time. Frustrating but Rosie needs my assistance with so many things.
Hope to get all dolled up for our trip to Knoxville on Wed. Hope to take some new pics.
Missing my family in WV but will see them soon as Rosie feels better. Will stay at Twin Falls in a cabin.
Hope that I can sleep 4 straight hours tonight. Would make me feel so much better.
Sending love to all my readers. Thanks for your prayers, support, and words of encouragement.
Nurses and Doctors both failed at getting an IV started. Last I heard they were putting in a central line. She is in holding, Surgery should be starting any minute. She is having laparoscopic umbilical Hernia repair ONLY. No tummy tuck. If things go as planned. Surgery will take about an hour. She may even get to go home this afternoon. I am hopeful. She was feeling so nauseous this morn. Weak and tired… Hoping the hernia repair will take care of all her issues. I love my sissy.
I have had a panic attack for almost an hour. I am drenched with sweat. Finally calming down, still having the shakes.
Praying that the surgery goes as planned and Rosie gets to come home today. That would be awesome. I bought enough clothes and snacks for a 3 week stay… which is what it was last time. Don’t have your Dad pick out clothes to bring you! LOL! Last time he brought clothes that were too big for me or some of the clothes I wear to piddle around the house. UGH!
I don’t have computer access to facebook nor twitter. Hospital has it blocked. :-(
I posted a message by phone to facebook and one to twitter earlier this morn. Not sure if they went through or not.
Well, Rosie is doing ok. Has a blood clot in her left leg. It has been swollen and painful. It is only superficial.
Her umbilical hernia has been repaired twice in 10 years. It will be repaired again on Monday at ParkWest Hospital, and she will be also having a tummy tuck. She has lost 15″ off her waist now. Dropped over 175 lbs. She even has lost 3″ off her neck. She has had a few good days. Her intestines are poking out from the hernia. Looks weird…. you can see it move and all. It causes her to have nausea. She has actually ate the past few days. She goes days without much nutrition at all. Just doesn’t want to eat. Hoping the hernia repair makes her less nauseous. I love her so much. She can now wear size 8-9 panties! Smallest shirt has been a 14.
She will be fitted for a new electric wheelchair in June. She is so excited. Her current chair sucks! Gonna try and see IF she will fit in our Mom’s old electric wheelchair tomorrow. Hope she can. It would be much more comfy for her. She has been wheelchair bound since she was 16. Can’t walk at all. She can stand for about 10 sec. Rosie will be 45 in May. She is perhaps the happiest person I have ever met. Proud to call her my best friend and My Sissy!
Had another CT SCAN on my tummy and nothing abnormal was found. Even though I have not lost any additional weight My waist is down to 35″ now. Was 40. Guess I am STILL Shaping up. I have lost 110 lbs. My hips are 38″ without measuring the excess skin hanging from my tummy. Smallest dress I have worn is a 10. I am gonna lose a few more pounds and somehow TRY to get my insurance to pay for a tummy tuck. WISH ME LUCK!
Still having aches and pains from Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. Shoulders, Thighs, Knee’s, Elbows, Hands and Feet. Seems that will never change. Insomnia is not as bad. TRIED sleeping without my sleep meds the other night. Finally gave in and took em at 6:30 am and slept like a babe. Wish I didn’t get so tired, so easily.
I have made a few more friends via Twitter and Facebook. Some I consider dear friends. I am blessed. Panic attacks have lessened. Doing my best to become more outgoing. Being more receptive to men.
Sending special prayers to Brandy, John, Dreama, Bret, Shane, Chrissy, Stephen, Janna, Russell, Carmen, Rebecca, Terri, Sara, Becky, Charles, Shay, Blake, JR, Sue, Earlene, and Rick.
♥ LOVE U ALL ♥
I know that this year will be MY YEAR!
My moods swings have stabilized for now.
I started allergy shots a few weeks ago.
Still close to John. He gives me so much support, encouragement and serenity.
I am more confident than ever. I even go out grocery shopping without any makeup.
Receiving lots of attention from the male species. Loving it. Receiving just as many flirts when I have no makeup on as I do with full Drag-Queen makeup.
Grateful that I don’t look 46. Some people think I am in my early 20′s….. love that!
I cut Rosie’s hair in a medium length shag. First time we curled it was tonight. Can’t wait to see the results tomorrow.
Plan are to go to West Virginia in March. All depends on Rosie’s recovery.
Dad is taking THE BOYS “Smoki and Snickers” everywhere we go”.
Tater Bug
Jazzi
Punkin
Our life is good and is only gonna get better!
Hopefully over the next few months we will be able to share some very exciting news and changes happening in Our lives. We have High Hopes.
After 17 years of celibacy I have decided to date!
Praying for wisdom, guidance and patience.
I am also becoming more extroverted online and in the real world.
Been blessed to be making more friends online. I am actually messaging a few male friends back now. :-) MAJOR ADVANCEMENT !
BUCKET LIST:
Date Again!
See the ocean.
Fly in a plane.
Get my passport.
Get married again.
Use all the gifts God gave me.
Be more supportive of everyone… except Republicans. LOL!
Be more compassionate.
Be more outgoing.
Stop having social anxiety and panic attacks.
Get use to talking on the phone without having a panic attack.
Get healthier.
Smile more.
Help those less fortunate.
Be more patient.
Be more vocal online.
Lose more weight.
Make new friends.
I have a few men that I am interested in. Just wanting for them to make a move. Having all kinds of men flirt with me online and reality… I am now trying to FLIRT with guys in person. Social Anxiety Sucks!
I am so proud of Rosie. She has lost 175 lbs now. She will be able to get fitted for a new wheelchair in July! Rosie only weighs 35 lbs more than me now. Looking great! You go sis! Rosie is wearing size 20-22 jeans now.
I am down to size 10-12 in jeans. :-) Down from a 26. WOO-HOO.
Rosie and I both are now getting allergy shots.
Thinking about talking to my family doc about my mood swings.
May even start seeing a shrink again.
Wish Rosie would not have so much nausea and vomiting. She even had a dizzy spell today.
Having fibromyalgia aches and pains.. plus Fibro Fog. I hate the mental confusion it creates. Not thinking clearly. Seems like I think in slow-mo. HATE IT!
Enjoying my new puppy. SnickerDoodle, he is a BLONDE Long haired Miniature Dachshund, who worships me!
Snickers gets along with all our pets: Smoki, Jazzi, Punkin, Panther and Tater.
Snickers loves going bye-bye.
Smoki and Snickers love baskin-robbins ice cream. Take them every few weeks.
My Best friend John has been having health issues. I am worried about him. Pray that he gets better and that he sleeps well.
I have been wearing short skirts, pantyhose and knee high leather boots. I have fabulous legs! Bet I tried on 20 pairs of boots till I found one to fit my skinny legs.
I layered my hair a few weeks ago and can’t believe how wavy it is naturally.
Haven’t had much sleep lately. Rosie wakes me up a few times nightly. Tummy issues. Pray that I get some decent sleep tonight.
Praying for the man I was created for, the one God designed for me. I KNOW you are out there waiting for me. Thinking of me. Praying for me. Maybe we already know one another. Grant US both wisdom, guidance, & patience. Open up our hearts, minds, souls, and spirits to recognize each other when the time is right. Happy about my future. I know it is gonna be a good one!
I believe that God speaks and gives signs to some people… I pray that this night that God speaks to me and/or to my helpmate. Let US know. Comfort us. Give us patience. Let US Dream of one another.
Hope to travel to WV to see my family in a few weeks. I love and miss them dearly.
Been in the grasp of a fibromylagia / chronic fatigue syndrome flare-up. May be the worst episode ever. My Rheumatologist can’t see me for 2 weeks but I have an appt to see my family doc tomorrow.
Current Symptoms are:
Aches and Pains in legs, arms, thighs, shoulders, neck
Swollen Joints
Weakness
Dizziness
Cloudy Muddled Thoughts
Slow-Motion
Abnormal thoughts
Depression
Anxiety
Fatigue
Insomnia
Swollen Puffy Forehead
Diarrhea
Palpitations (noticeable and irregular heartbeat)
Still going to physical therapy for my Charcot Marie Tooth syndrome. Really enjoying the heat therapy, ultrasound, and massages on my feet. Had a good session today with Kim my physical therapist. She has only been working on my feet but I am hoping that I can get my doc to order therapy on the rest of my body.
Went shopping after therapy today. Only shopped about an hour but I am so sore all over and exhausted.
Got a purple sweater dress, a leopard coat, socks and a black shirt today.
Hope to head to the Zoo this weekend or to West Virginia to visit my family.
Having insomnia really bad lately.
Wish I felt better. Hate feeling so poorly all the time.
My sis Rosie had her 3 month Gastric Bypass Checkup. Since Feb she has lost over +125 lbs. She only weighs 66 lbs more than me now. You go Sis! Just wish her nausea would dissipate. Her hernia wound has healed enough and was told she can now start aquatic therapy!!! Woo-Hoo! Calling the Boy and Girls Club as well as Jefferson Community Pool tomorrow. Hope to start on Monday. LIFE IS GOOD!
I saw Dr. Stephen G. Boyce, who did Rosie’s gastric bypass surgery, today. I am having him investigate my continuing gastro-intestinal issues that has bothered me ever since I had my roux-en-y on Sept 14th, 2009. He has a few theories on why I only lost 50 or so pounds from the roux-en-y surgery. I should have lost 100+ lbs. Theories are my pouch should be smaller: 15 ml and not 30ml. More of my intestines need bypassed. Scar tissue. Bowel Kink.
I am having an abdominal CT Scan on Nov 1st.
*IF* it is what Dr Boyce thinks it may be, I will have to undergo another Laparoscopic surgery and I should be able to lose more weight. My BMI is still 35.3. Still OBESE!
Still suffering from upper left quadrant abdominal pains, bloating, gas and diarrhea. Severe at times.
Just hoping that some of Dr Boyce’s theories show up on the CT scan and that I can have another lap surgery and get on my way to a healthier life. He hopes it is due more to my lower bowel area than a problem with my upper stomach region. Lower gastrointestinal prob will be much easier to fix… than an upper one.
He is starting me on flagyl and was suggesting Cholestyramine till I told him I was already on Welchol. They are in the same family of meds. I have tired Cholestyramine in the past unsuccessfully.
I had gastric bypass to help me get off some of my meds. Well, I am off insulin but now on 3 NEW meds for my stomach issues!!! My current med list:
Atenolol Heart Rate/Blood Pressure Bentyl Irritable Bowel Buspar Social Anxiety Cymbalta Depression/Fibromyalgia/ CMT Loperamide Irritable Bowel Lortab Chronic Fatigue//Fibromyalgia Meta-Glip Diabetes/Insulin Resistance Synthroid Hypothyroid Trazodone Depression/Insomnia Welchol Irritable Bowel Xanax Anxiety/Insomnia Fish Oil Multi Vitamin/Mineral Biotin IRON Probiotic Vitamin B Complex D3
I AM A WALKING PHARMACY! LOL!
I really need to lose weight to help with my Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome “CMT” which I was recently diagnosed with.
CMT Morbus Charcot-Marie-Tooth, Charcot-Marie-Tooth neuropathy, hereditary motor and sensory neuropathy (HMSN), hereditary sensorimotor neuropathy (HSMN), or peroneal muscular atrophy, is an inherited disorder of nerves (neuropathy) that takes different forms. It is characterized by loss of muscle tissue and touch sensation, predominantly in the feet and legs but also in the hands and arms in the advanced stages of disease. Currently incurable.
I inherited it from my dad. My legs and feet are getting weaker. I have extremely high arches and claw toes. When I walk, all my weight lands on the balls of my feet and not evenly as it is suppose to. My feet are starting to turn outward. Have very tight Achilles tendons. Gluts and Quads are also too tight. I started therapy last week to help prevent further damage. I have had issues all my life with twisting my ankles, losing my balance, and falling. At least now I know there is a reason and not just my clumsiness! CMT is a Muscular Dystrophy disease.
Angela October 20th, 2011 Dr Boyce's Office.
Still desiring to lose 50-75 additional pounds… with Dr Boyce’s surgical mind, capable hands, and his wonderful compassion, coupled with my rejuvenated desire to lose more weight; I am sure it can be accomplished.
I have been exercising for 15-30 min a day. Using resistant bands, stretches, and isometrics. Hope to go to aquatic aerobics 2-3 times a week. I will have to rise and shine by 7 am on the days we go… Just have to start getting my rump in bed earlier than the 4 am I am accustomed to.
I am so tired today. Got up at 8 am. Now my upper abdominal area is extended. Bloated horribly. Has been for a few hours. Miserable.
Went to Puleos in Strawberry Plains. I had a salad (greens, cheese, tomatoes, croutons, and cucumbers) homemade Italian dressing… I may have used 1 Tablespoon. Got stuffed after the salad and only had 3-4 bites of citrus chicken and 2 bites of sirloin. 3 bites of sesame noodles. One bite of bread.
I have known John for almost 4 years now. He and I text chat with video cam. No audio. I am just too shy… I finally made him a video of me taking to him with Audio. I have never made a video of myself until now.., BUT Damn I am so cute!!! Adorable. Sweet Southern Voice. John loved it! Gonna audio Chat with him LIVE this week. Think I have enough courage to do it. His step-grandsons (13 and 15) are out of school on Fall break and have been staying with him all week. Lucky to even see him on cam this week let alone TALK to him live… Hope to webcam chat with audio over the weekend.
We are heading out to pick up meds tomorrow and then gonna drive bye FrightMare Manor http://frightmaremanor.com/ to see how busy they are. It is about 2.5 miles from my house. Extremely popular attraction.
I am getting more confidence and self esteem. Feeling womanly. Dressing sexier. Receiving lots of male attention. :-)
Been playing with makeup. Tried a few different looks this week. Some were nice… others.. eh… not so much. LOL!
I wore a black mini-dress. It is called Bandage Dress. Got it 2 years ago and finally wore it for the first time today. It is a size 16 but I could have easily worn it in a size 12. Really pleased with the way my legs looked today! Main body issue I hate is my saggy flabby tummy. Lots of loose skin there. My face is also sagging some. Been doing facial exercises and hope that it get taunter. I also have a few wrinkles on my forehead… but hell I look spectacular to be almost 46 years old! LOL!
October 20, 2011
Hoping to visit my West Virginia Family in a few weeks. Missing them all. Sending love and prayers to all of them especially to Brandy, Sara, Becky and MaShayla. Praying that Shay’s cat Zena comes home soon. Sending get well wishes to Aunt Earlene. We are hoping to stay in a Cabin At Twin Falls Resort… if one of the handicapped cabins is available the weekend we go in.
My snack tonight will be low fat mozzarella string cheese and a few red seedless grapes…. and then off to bed.
Over the past few years so many wonderful and exciting changes have came into my life. Some I help create, some were surprisingly sprung upon me and some transformations that I never even knew I wanted suddenly came galloping into my life. Hope that the metamorphosis continues.
I currently weigh over 100 lbs less than my highest weight of 315 lbs. (I am STILL over 200 lbs.) Gastric Bypass “Lap Roux-En-Y” and a low carb and high protein diet helped me get to this point. I would love to lose 25-35 additional lbs. I was on that way to that goal when Rosie (my sissy) underwent her Gastric Bypass “Lap Biliopancreatic Diversion with Duodenal Switch” and her subsequent MRSA infections derailed my weight loss. I gained 4 lbs. in the last 2 months. I am one of those people who EAT carbs when stressed and having my baby sister so ill, whom I am a caregiver for, was extremely stressful for me… hence I ate way more carbs than a diabetic or a gastric bypass patient should. At times, I still do. Rosie had nausea and some vomiting today so I ate a bunch of Hershey miniature candies and 2 bananas.. Sugar is 272 as I type this. Should be 70-120.. So disappointed in myself but I am gonna gain control… I have to.
All week I have had so much energy… well spurts of it at least. Right now I am hyper. Will prolly clean the dining area prior to bed. So glad that I am having SOME energy since I have virtually none the majority of the time due to chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Thinking back it seems I ALWAYS feel better in Sept/October… wondering if the cooler weather benefits me more than hot weather does. I have never tolerated HOT weather. Hmmm… gonna have to move to a more temperate climate … sunny, mild and breezy sounds lovely… Hawaii sounds about right!
I have so many plans for my future. Really gungho. I am gonna lose those 25-35 NAGGING lingering pounds…. and when I do I am gonna go have a tummy tuck. I absolutely positively detest my saggy and baggy lose skin in my stomach Panniculus region. I bet I could wear a size 6 or an 8 jean if I didn’t have this excess skin! In stretch denim I can wear a size 12 now.
I was this same weight 20 years ago when I married and divorced Michael Patterson Hager, Jr. He and I married 20 Years ago on Sunday. Divorced shortly after. He was just a brain fart in my life. LOL! I can NOT believe I married such a low life and gave up my virginity to him. (yep I was a 25 year old virgin. I was NO ANGEL…. He and I did fool around some prior to the wedding but I saved the best for last) I honestly am such a different lady now… Not as naive.
Age, Wisdom, Time, and Growth go hand in hand.
There have been times when I have acted high and mighty towards others and said things I regret. Acted like I was better than they were and I wish I hadn’t. I ask those whom I did this to to forgive me. I am no angel. Have never been and will never be. I am HUMAN and make mistakes like everyone else does.
I am very shy around those that I don’t know very well… BUT those close to me know that in actuality, I can be flirty, bawdy, raucous, and even hilarious. I hate having social anxiety. It keeps me from forming relationships… online and in real life. It has been 17 years since I dated. Yes…. it will be…. SEVENTEEN Years…. on Nov 18th. I have a wonderful ONLINE ONLY friendship with John. Known him for almost 4 years now.
You would never know it from reading my journal or my postings online but I have a high Intelligence Quotient… major issue I have is saying something that makes me look like a fool… or worrying about hurting other peoples feelings…. I worry way too much about what other people THINKS about me. Oh yep… I am also snobbishly proud to be the QUEEN Of the Ellipsis… LOL!
I want “THE REAL ANGELA” to come across online and in reality. I wish everyone could see the Angela that my sis Rosie and My Friend John sees. That would be a major breakthrough. I am gonna attempt to accomplish that and many other goals. 2011 has only a few months left and in those few months they are gonna be some spectacular changes in me. My appearance has changed dramatically in the 2 years, since I had gastric bypass and now is the time for my personality to shine brilliantly…. like a diamond in the sky. Sparking. Twinkling. Radiantly. Everlasting.
My renewed faith is strong and I know I can do anything I set my mind to.
I have to thank my beloved John for helping me get to this point in my life. He is the greatest man I have ever known after my Daddy. He is always there for me. Supportive. Compassionate. Considerate. Helpful. Complimentary. He is a professional. Works for the Scottish Government. Wears suits and Ties. WOW.. I loved the way he looked tonight. Majority of the time I see him in sweats but the past few evenings he has been working late and came to our webcam chat in his business attire. Tonight was a black dress shirt and a black and white polka dotted tie. So spiffy. Fashionable. I adore that he is so intelligent. He loves computers as much as I do. Knowledgeable in so many varied subjects… so unlike all the other men I have loved. Yes LOVED> I love that rascal and he loves me. He and I will remain ONLY friends unless God has other plans but for now it is a friendship. A partnership. He and I are emotionally closer than the preponderance of husbands and wives. He and I support one another. Comfort each other. ‘GET’ one another. So happy that I replied to his message 4 years ago. I knew immediately he was different. He and I met at a BBW “Big Beautiful Woman” friendship site… which has since shuttered.
John has been having some problems with his arm/elbow after falling off a ladder last weekend. Having major trouble sleeping. Pray that he gets a good nights sleep. I can’t wait to see him tomorrow night.
I have been tidying up my bedroom so John and I can have a private talk. It has been a long time since we chatted in private. Maybe twice in the last 2 years. Have been chatting on my laptop in Rosie’s room. Been TEXT chatting only… hope to talk by phone/webcam chat this weekend. He only has been seeing my face on webcam…. This weekend I will let him see me and the weight I have since lost.
I am experiencing body issues. Nothing new…. I was 315 lbs when I met John… and I was actually more comfy with my body then than I am now. I used to be way more provocative back then. I miss that part of me. Lately I have been wearing short dresses and tighter clothes. Even dyed my hair back to the color it was 20 years ago when I weighed the same. BLACK hair just suits me better. Even been wearing human hair extensions and wigs. Gastric bypass caused me to lose some of my luxurious mane. I cut over 15″ off over a year ago to see if that would make it look fuller. It didn’t…. Still almost as thin. My hair is now 23″ long again. It was over 30″ prior to the bypass. Hope to get it that long again. It is very healthy. Shiny. Just straggly and scrawny. Especially in the front area. :-( I am just thankful that they make decent and affordable hair extensions and wigs now. I do wear my own hair the majority of the time but [...]
Rosie is not feeling well today. Is nauseous. Has no appetite. Vomiting. Cramping aches in her tummy. She is crying. Worried she will never get better. Trying to re-assure her. She is upset cause she felt wonderful yesterday and has went down so fast. I am sure her infection worsens during these down periods. Dr Adams changed her from Vancomycin to Daptomycin antibiotics via IV. I pray that it gets her infection under control So concerned about her. Hate seeing her so sick and crying. She had a rough night and just fell back to sleep. I am gonna take a nap. I have been sleeping on a chair that makes a bed… just a few feet away from her hospital bed. REALLY need your prayers. Thanks!
Rosie had a good night. Feeling well today. Eating fairly well.. would do so much better IF the food was palatable. She had a scrambled egg, strawberry jelly, and milk for breakfast.
Dr Boyce ( gastric bypass surgeon) and Dr Adams (infectious disease doc) has visited Rosie this morn. Boyce is aiming for Rosie to get released by the weekend. Dietician needs to add up her protein intake and report to him. He has ordered another abdominal ct scan to check for inflammation and abscess of her tummy. Dr Adams is ordering her IV vancomycin for home use as well as flagyl orally.
Rosie has had very minor nausea the past few days and has kept ALL her food and fluids down. Praise God.
She sat up for an hour in her wheelchair yesterday. Aiming for 90 min today.
She is still receiving TPN nutrition feedings by IV. I assume they will continue for a few days once she arrives back home.
We are not certain of Rosie’s highest weight but assume she has lost around 100 lbs so far. She is still weak and does not set up straight. So the weight loss is not that noticeable yet. Once she can sit up better and wear clothes other than extremely loose garments( due to her hernia wound and her MRSA drain tube) all her weight loss will be greatly visible. She was wearing size 32/34 pants. Prior to surgery she was down to a size 24. She has lost 40+ lbs since so I assume she will be able to wear even smaller pants as soon as the wounds heal. She has a new wardrobe at home waiting for her. We purchased all sorts of clothes prior to surgery. She has some really sexy clothes. My sis is gonna be a skinny minny SLUT! LOL.. Just like her sis. LOL.
My chronic fatigue syndrome has a major flare-up. So tired. Really severe shoulder… thigh… hip… aches and pings. I slept so-so last night. Gonna take a nap with Rosie shortly.
Rosie is up every 90 min to urinate at night. She uses a bed pan. The nurse assistants take care of it at night and I do it during the day.
Been having panic attacks. Just stressed and feeling lonely. Missing John. Even though we text and email daily I haven’t seen him LIVE on cam. He is gonna go on a holiday to Spain with his sis. Gonna miss him even more.
I am hoping Rosie gets released tomorrow.
Thanks for all your prayers, support and well wishes.
Rosie is doing well. She ate 1 scrambled egg and 1/2 serving of applesauce for breakfast. She vomited up clear fluids aka foamies afterwards BUT as long as she keeps her food down, which she did, all is well.
She has seen 3 doctors today and a dietician.
She is sleeping now. I plan on taking a nap after dad gets here and leaves.
Her WBC level went down to 20,000.
She is feeling so much better. No pain. No nausea.
I had a rough night. Didn’t sleep well. My shoulders and thighs are killing me. Having to take my Vicodin as scheduled. I normally only take half of what the doc has prescribed for me.
Hopefully Rosie will get to go home tomorrow.
I have been so stressed out with worry about Rosie. It finally caught up with me…. I have been so nervous, anxious, and shaky since last night.
Please pray for Rosie. She is in the Emergency Room. Infection. Fever. Vomiting. Chills. Dehydration. Stomach Pain. High Blood Pressure. High Heart Rate. Low Oxygen. Nausea. Exhaustion. Doing a blood culture. Takes 2 days to get back. Found out she had MRSA in her last hernia wound. She is feeling better. BUT she had tremendous aches, pains, chills around 3 PM when her home health aid Portia visited. She advised Rosie to go to the hospital after calling Dr Boyce’s office. Rosie and I both are exhausted. Hope they put Rosie in the hospital and get whatever is wrong with her under control. Will update later.
Pukes up her meds as well as her vitamins and protein shakes.
She is getting feed by TPN IV Infusions with added vitamins that are customized according to her needs.
Rosie hates feeling so bad and I hate seeing her in pain.
She is having tender aches and pains all over her tummy region.
She is exhausted.
Just pray that she gets some rest tonight and wakes up feeling 100% better.
Her home RN Pete is coming tomorrow to change the wound vac on her OPEN hernia repair wound. Also doing labs on her.
I am doing all the IV infusions by myself now. IF she does not start eating and keeping foods and her pills down she will have to have a feeding tube inserted. :-(
Rose’s home health aides Peggy and Dina both are coming tomorrow… staying from 2 to 9. I think that is the times. I am so forgetful. I hope to get some rest tomorrow. Peggy and Dina are like family to us. We all adore them both.
Rosie sees her Family doc, Blake Melling, on Monday in regards to her right outer thigh pain.
Tuesday she sees a Gastroenterologist… Dr Wilhoite.
Dr Boyce, the surgeon who performed her Gastric Bypass bpd/ds thinks Rosie may have a stricture… aka blockage. He kinda hopes so since that would explain her nausea and the reasons why she can’t keep things down. Rosie will have an endoscopy prolly this week. HOPEFULLY.
Thursday she sees her nutritionist.
Busy week. Just hope the doctors can identify and help what ever is causing her to be so sick.
She has such rawness and burning along her entire gastric tract. I know it is prolly inflamed due to all the vomiting. Poor baby.
She is urinating much better. Still having small runny bowel movements.
Her glucose jumped from 85 to 190 today…
Rosie and I napped for 4 hours today. She is sound asleep now. I am gonna have to wake her to test her glucose before I go to bed. Trying to wait till this 12 hour TPN IV infusion completes its job. Should be ALMOST done.
All our pets are worried about Rose. Punkin, our siamese cat, won’t leave Rosie’s side. Tater, Jazzi and Smoki all are very careful when they get near Rose. They know she is sore from the hernia repair.
As I cleaned and repacked her open drain site, which tunnels a few inches inside her stomach… Rosie seemed to be in more pain in that region that she had been as I pushed the packing tape inside of it. Bloodier as well.
Both of her IV Picc lines flushed with saline smoothly today. They had been causing trouble for me as well as the nurses.
You should see all the medical supplies in our house. Rosie has boxes stacked for wound care items in her bedroom. We keep the IV Transfusion items in the fridge or on the kitchen table for easy access.
I have been eating fairly healthy but with stress and fretting about Rosie I have indulged in way many more carbs than I normally would.
Had some nice conversation with my best friend John this past week. I so look forward to seeing him for our daily webcam chat. We support one another and enjoy our relaxing time together. Even IF it is only for a few minutes. I have been so wore out lately that I sometimes miss chat and nap instead. I woke up this morning aching to see him. Just seeing him live on cam is such a blessing. Comforts me tremendously. He is having dinner tomorrow at his sisters. Pray he does not overeat or get heartburn… I know he will be over indulging in curry dishes as he always does. :-0
Prayers to and for my cousin Becky. Praying that the docs can determine the nature and cause of her edema and leg pains… and that they are treatments for them. She has appt to see a cardiologist and a rheumatologist.
I have been having pings and soreness on the left side of my navel region. Not sure what is causing that.
Having major fibromyalgia brain fog. Constantly forgetting things and having to remind myself often. Having to make lists to keep track of things… Also having all the normal pains and soreness in my legs and shoulders. Also been having some neck stiffness.
My tummy is doing better than it was. I am on Imodium, Bently, and Welchol now for my IBS. Having less frequent ‘accidents’ now.
My nerves are frazzled. So stressed. Been depressed and crying often… which I had stopped doing. Having severe panic attacks with having to deal with all the nurses and medical field persons. Seems like I am on the phone constantly with someone…. and I detest talking on the phone with a passion!
I MAY go out tomorrow grocery shopping. I HATE doing it alone. I more or less run through the store grabbing stuff as quick as possible and getting out of there before having a heart attack.
Just so scared for Rosie. Just pray that she can start eating again and keeping food and fluids down. Not sure what to do when she pukes up her meds. Will discuss with Dr Melling on Monday.
Time to turn off her IV pump, check her sugar, and get to bed.
July 6th 8:00 Dr. Boyce CLASSJuly 6th 12:15 Dr. Boyce FINAL LABSJuly 11th 1:45 Dr. Boyce VISITJuly 11th 3:45 Hospital PRE-OPJuly 19th Coumadin STOPJuly 26th 7:00 SURGERY
She will be having Duodendal Switch with Biliopancreatic Diverision on July 26th with Dr Stephen Boyce as Surgeon.
Rosie and I both will be starting a MONTH long high protein liquid diet prior to her surgery. I am doing it in support of her. I hope to lose a few pounds and lose 15-25 lbs. during this time.
Rosie is getting excited about losing weight and regaining some of her life. Appreciate your prayers. THANKS!
I am so happy for her yet worried at the same time. I pray that surgery and recovery goes smoothly and that she can adapt readily to the lifestyle DS/BPD requires.
I had Roux-en-Y surgery on Sept 14th 2009 and lost over 1oo lbs. Doing well. I still can only eat small meals at a time. I have days where I still have issues with certain foods. But mainly eat what I want but in limited quantities. My life has changed since surgery. I have more confidence and self esteem. I can do more but with having chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromylalgia I often do more than I should and end up paying for it later. Like I can go out and shop for a few hours and then barely can get out of bed the next day. Still having fibro aches and pains as I did prior to surgery. I still don’t tolerate heat very well. It can be 95 degrees outside.. and when I walk into an air-conditioned store I end up with chills and torrential sweats. HATE THAT!
My Family doc has been trying various meds to help with my IBS. Was on Questran and it didn’t help. Start on Bentyl tomorrow. Been having cramps and diarrhea more and more often. Fecal incontinence is almost nightly now. No fun at all. Embarrassing and humiliating. Not sure what has caused this but it happened after Gastric Bypass Surgery. If Bentyl does not help Welchol is the next treatment planned. I am on Immodium a few times daily. Have been for years.
I start on metaglip tomorrow for my diabetes and stop glipizide. I continue on Victoza as long as I can get samples from my endocrinologist since my insurance will NOT cover it.
Still on Cymbalta, Xanax, and Trazodone for my nerves and anxiety.
I take Vicodin for my fibromylagia pain.
I am now wearing a size 10-12-14 in clothing.. All depends on the designer. I even have a few 7-9 that I wear. VANITY SIZING! Cause I am a size 16 I am sure! I have about 10-15 lbs of excess stomach skin. Gonna be talking to some plastic surgeons about removing it. Still desiring breast augmentation. What I once had is now saggy sloping deflated boobs. Have to roll em up to get them in my bra. LOL! Not really… but almost!
I still can’t believe I got my drivers license. So PROUD of myself. Major break-through for me. Congrats to myself.
John just got back from Portugal and Spain today. Has an awesome tan. Looks incredible. Glad he got some time to enjoy himself. Was thrilled to see him tonight. Woo-Hoo! We have a special date night planned for Wednesday. I missed him so much and cried daily while he was away. He and I webcam daily whenever possible. Have yet to meet. He is my best friend. We adore one another.
For 17 years I have not dated, been kissed or made love to. Yes, I am lonely and I pray to have patience, perseverance, wisdom, and guidance to whomever or whatever God wants me to have in my life.
I am going out to the mall tomorrow afternoon/evening. May go to the movies. Not sure yet.Rosie and I need new bedsheets. Plus Rosie needs a few items for after surgery. Already got her some really cute nighties. She has dropped 2 dress sizes this year. So proud of her. She is gonna be one hot sexy SKINNY mama! She is already gorgeous.. Can only imagine what she will look like in the future.
Went to The Great Smoky Flea Market yesterday. Got some lovely Fascinators. John loved the hot pink flowery fascinator I had on tonight. I also got 2 maxi halter dresses… BRAND NEW… for only $6 each. Got a size XL but needed L or perhaps a M. The dresses are so sexy but too revealing to wear out in public without a jacket or shawl. I wore the hot pink Hawaiian flowered one today to the Doctor. Mainly wore it for John. He thought I looked beautiful… and I DID! Also bought lots of $1 earrings. So adorable. Smoki went with us. He had a blast. He got fitted for a new red harness. He is so studly!
We were out for only around an hour yesterday. It was so hot. My body thermostat is all screwed up due to Fibromylagia… so when perspire… I sweat… dripping… drenched… UGH! They are times even in cold weather where I will have chills and the sweats at the same time. UGH. Frustrating to say the least. Since Gastric Bypass I get cold so easily. I will wear a sweatshirt most evenings cause I am so cold.
Another thing that has changed is my tailbone. I never had much of an Badonkadonk even at 315 lbs. So, now, after losing 110+ lbs I have zero butt left. No cushion there now…So my tailbone aches most of the day…. So I HAVE a pain in the ass daily.. Some say I AM a pain in the ass. LOL!
Allergy season is killing me. My nose will start dripping all the sudden… like a faucet…as well as my eyes tearing.. looks like I am crying. UGH! Benadryl and Claritin is not helping.
I have some leftover taco’s from El Sazon that I am making for my dinner tonight. I get them carryout. 9 taco’s with Meat and Cheese only… with Lettuce and Tomato on the side. They give me almost a head of lettuce and 2-3 chopped tomatoes. I remove the taco shells and discard them. The Taco meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes makes me at least 3 meals not counting how many dad and Rosie eats. So Tasty and filling. So glad that I can Still only eat small portions. Hope it stays that way forever.
I have also started doing laundry daily. Something I have never did in my life. I am getting good at it and actually enjoy it.
I am living with aches and pains from fibro, the IBS issues, my allergies, my insomnia/hypersomnia troubles, my diabetes, and my continuing social anxiety and panic attacks. It could be better and yet it could be worse… I am grateful for all the blessings and pray for the strength to conquer obstacles in my life. It will get better…
John (my best friend or I should say amigo) will be leaving in a few hours with his sister…. they are headed to Andalusia, Spain to celebrate the end of chemo and radiation treatments for his sis who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She needed a lumpectomy as well. He will be back next Monday but will hopefully find an internet cafe so he can send me a message or two.
He has not even left for the plane yet and I am already missing him. Been in tears. So stressed. Thank God for Xanax. He and I had a wonderful webcam session on MSN Live Messenger 2011. The best chat program around in my own humble opinion.
John has had a rough year. Severe infections, herniated discs, the flu, stomach issues… poor baby needs a holiday. He wasn’t feeling well tonight and was dreading the trip. I pray that he wakes up feeling better and can enjoy the time with his family. Nice breezy warm weather is my wish for him. Can’t wait to see his tan… he tans so nicely.
John asked me not to cry while he was away but I already have on 2 occasions and it has been less than 4 hours since I last saw him.
SHOPPING:
Went to the Farmers Market to find it closed. So we ended up at Walmart. Picked up some fresh produce: banana’s, peaches, watermelon, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, and romaine lettuce. We already have pole beans in the fridge. Having all that tomorrow. YUMMY!
Gonna pick up some fresh strawberries, jumbo size cantaloupes, and corn on the cob this week.
Going to clean my bedroom tomorrow.
Tuesday Rosie (my sis) goes to her urologist for a KUB test.
Thursday will be Movie day… heading to the cinema’s… not sure what to see. Will either be Pirates of The Caribbean IV or X-Men: First Class… if Dad goes. If it is just Rosie and me, we will prolly see Bridesmaids.
Gonna try and keep busy… TRY to get my mind off John… I go insane without seeing him and talking to him daily. He gives me so much support and a serenity like I have never known.
Such a good man and an even better human being!
MAKE-UP:
I absolutely adore my Ardell Brow and Lash Growth Accelerator.
Ardell Brow and Lash Growth Accelerator.
My eyelashes are so much fuller and longer since I stated using it. THRILLED and it is such a BARGAIN in comparison to the similar production available.Plus I now have eyebrows!!! I am beyond thrilled with it.
I have also mastered filling in and enhancing my eyebrows. I am using Ardell Brow Defining Pallet Dark and Ardell Brow Sculpting Gel
Ardell Brow Defining Pallet
Ardell Brow Shaping Gel
Very pleased with ALL the Ardell Products I have tried.
NAILS:
I have pared my finger nails down. Very short. Gonna start growing them again. They grow so very fast. Gonna polish/varnish them with Revlon’s MidNight Affair and add some rhinestones to them tomorrow.
Revlon MidNight Affair Nail Polish Varnish
My toes are currently polished Black with a diamond dust overlay. My 2 big toes have a Large and a Small Rhinestone. So cute.I purchased so many adorable nail stickers… from the discount bin.
HAIR & MAKEUP:
I am digging my short BETTIE BANGS. I can wear them down or curl them back. I am now rocking the classic pin-up look with a more modern makeup approach. I did the classic pin-up eye today and ended up adding eyeliner gel to my lower lashline. My eyes get lost without it. I purchased the Professional ANGLED Finepoint Eyeliner Brush by ULTA and it is so much easier to draw a smooth line on my upper lash line. LOVE IT!
Ulta Finepoint ANGLED Eyeliner Brush
I have been using Extreme Wear Gel Liner By Ulta. Rosie and I have all 5 Shades. Each are lovely. Black, Brown, Blue, Green, and Purple. I adore the green. Really enhances my hazel eyes.
Extreme Wear Gel Liner ULTA
SOCIAL ANXIETY:
I had a panic attack at Walmart checkout. Got in line with a female cashier and before it was my turn to checkout… a male took over… He wanted to chat.. lately all men I meet wanna talk to me. PANIC STRICKEN…. I started sweating… drenched… then had chills while still perspiring heavily and then the racing heart. UGH!
HEALTH:
Gonna see my family Dr Blake Melling this week in regards to my nerves, anxiety, mood swings and my stomach issues.
STUFF:
I still can’t believe I got my drivers license. So excited. I am driving to Knoxville on Tuesday. One of my fave trips. I *THINK* dad is enjoying being chauffeured around.
I finally have my own set of keys to the house and our mini-van. Been buying all sorts of keys and key-chains. The house key is made from Tinkerbell casting! I usually don’t carry a purse but got an adorable blue jean Tinkerbell one.
TinkerBell
Also have a key-chain with ANGELA that is psychedelic and is animated when tilted… and a solar powered flashing light key chain that that says PRINCESS> John calls me Princess. :-) Also have a pink flashlight for my key-chain and a massive pink crystal heart. Also got some Tinkerbell window decals for MY van! I tell Dad it is now MINE. LOL!
A Local Bank temperature reading today was 101. It was a scorcher.
I am off to read the news, gossip, and Facebook status’ of my friends and family and then heading to bed.
I am not the same woman I was a few years ago and that is in a good way.
I only wish I could enjoy all the fabulous changes and opportunities coming my way… But Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromylagia are not allowing that. If I over-do it even a lil bit I am down for days trying to recoup from it. I have been aching from my head to my toes lately. Exhausted and lethargic. Been needing 12 hours of sleep even to attempt getting up the next day.
I have to Thank God, Dad, Rosie and John for helping me overcome so many obstacles. Also many thanks to all my doctors: Dr Blake Melling (Family Doctor) , Dr Joanne Langton (Endocrinologist) , and Dr Aqueel Kouser (Rheumatologist) to just mention a few.
Spent a lovely 3 night / 4 day weekend in Gatlinburg with my Sister Rosie. I was more fatigued this time than last years mini-vacay to Gatlinburg Family Fest / Gaither Homecoming Concerts. Went to 5 shows. Had a good time in spite of hurting in my shoulders, neck, back, legs and tailbone. I had to go to the bathroom often just to help relieve some of the tailbone aches. It helped.
I am down over 110 lbs now. Wearing a size 10-12. Receiving so much attention from men and I love it. Had guys ask me this past weekend if they could have their picture taken with me…. and that is not counting the ones who took my picture without even asking. FLATTERING.
I am dressing different than I had been. Getting back to dressing more provocative but not over doing it… gotta remember I am a 45 year old woman. Loving wearing dresses and showing off my legs.
Angela trying to look sexy and failing at it miserably. LOL!
My hair is now Jet Black. I use to dye it black for years… mainly in my 20′s. Love it and so does everyone else! I also cut some short bangs ala Bettie Page style.. but I still can style them away from my face if I want to. I sometimes wear hair extensions, wigs, and clip on pony-tails on occasion. Like to change my look often. Been wearing my hair is a beehive bouffant style lately.
Rosie had a eye appt. Visual Field Test prior to starting Plaquenil. My eye doc who is also Rosie’s eye doc, his nurse and receptionist barely recognized me. First time they had seen me with Makeup. I look majorly different with makeup they could not believe how beautiful I looked today.
I finally was brave enough to go take my road test to get my drivers license. Didn’t tell no one but Dad and Rosie just in case I failed… BUT I passed on my first attempt. WOO-HOO! Now if I can only get Dad to let me and Rosie take the mini-van out alone. He still says no… that I am not ready for that yet. I hope to make a short trip out with just Rosie and I…. we may go to the grocery store OR to McDonalds for some Unsweetened Ice Tea. MAYBE.
Rosie has a surgery date for Gastric Bypass. It is July 26th. She has to get pre-op testing, take an education class over the next few weeks. She will be on a low carb-high protein diet all of July. She has already lost 2 dress sizes. I am so proud of her.
Rose and Angela Picture was taken on Rosie's 44th Birthday
Gonna be driving to West Virginia to visit family as soon as the weather dips down to the 70′s- mid 80′s.
I do have more self confidence on some days. Still suffering from panic attacks. On Xanax full time now. SNOOZE…
My Rheumy has me on a high dose of a narcotic and it is helping *some* with the pain I have but it makes me so drowsy. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Snore…
Sugars are doing well. My Insurance will not cover Victoza injections but my doc is willing to give me samples. I may have to go on byetta soon. Will see.
Been having severe anxiety and depression at times. Gonna discuss it with Melling this week. I feel so helpless and worthless at times.
Rosie’s lower back has been aching for a few weeks now. She sees her urologist Dr Bedford Waters this week in Knoxville. I am driving. Can’t wait.
I am 45 years old and got my first set of keys for the car and house now.
I even pumped gas for the very 1st time last week. Kudos to me.
I have been pampered, spoiled and protected by my family for far too long.
I have even learned how to wash and dry clothes… still haven’t mastered the skill of putting clothes away. Nor doing dishes.
Dad has been in and out of the hospital for a few months. Currently he has protein in his urine, enlarged heart, COPD, pneumonia, a bum knee that needs replaced… and a case of the worst “grumpys n grouchys” in the world. His Doctors doesn’t want him doing anything but he still does some… albeit not as much as he used to. I know how tough it is on him to sit and do nothing… that contributes to his moodiness. He is rough on me and Rosie at times but we still love him.
Smoki went to Lowes today. Oh yea.. Smoki is my Cairn Terrier. He loves Lowes… and of course everyone adores Smoki. He is a doll. He wore his black leather fringe bandana today and he goes crazy when he see’s it and can’t wait till it is on him … and hates when we take it off. Went to Lowes to look for Dad a new riding lawn mower. Should be delivered tomorrow. His old lawn tractor has seen its last days. Also bought Dad a new TV 32″ LCD Plasma. He put it in his bedroom since that is where he spends most of his time lately. Appreciate prayers for him. THANKS!
Smoki My Cairn Terrier aka TOTO Dog
Then we took Smoki to Wendy’s for a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger plain. His fave.
Smoki
Came home to a brilliant webcam session with John. He is heading to Spain on Monday with his Sis to celebrate her finishing her last chemo/radiation treatments and hopefully is now free of breast cancer. John is the best. He and I get closer daily. Known one another for over 3 years now. Best friends. I am already missing him. He will be away a week but will send me emails/text messages.
Been having severe stomach issues again. Left upper quadrant pain and other issues. IBS Sucks.
May go to the cinema to see a movie this weekend.
Praying for all my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins… as well as my friends. Been reconnecting with so many people I went to school with on Faceook. I love getting reacquainted.
Tailbone is aching so I had better finish this and post it. Heading to bed.
From @ButlerBlue2: Me, @ButlerBlue3 & the one & only Gasoline Alley at @IMS. -- via Flickr
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