I was still having serious Health Issues on Tuesday this past week, so I Saw Dr Melling and we discussed that I had started a new med Wellbutrin a month or so ago and that it may have made me even worse. He advised me to stop it and said I’d feel better in a few days if I was experiencing side effects from wellbutrin. A few days have now passed and I am much less fatigued, thinking a bit better, able to walk without tripping, etc. PRAISE GOD!
I felt so bad that I actually thought I was dying.
I was suppose to start effexor but I have met my limits on meds this month. Will have to wait till June 1st to get insurance to cover it.
Making an appointment with a new Rheumatologist to discuss my fibromyalgia. Still in pain and sore all over.
May take a small trip to Gatlinburg this weekend -IF- I am able. Time will tell.
I haven’t been feeling well for quite some time. The past 3 weeks I have had severe fatigue, headaches, having issues walking, no balance, tripping, about to fall, aching all over… feeling like crap. So tired that even taking a shower is a chore.
My health has went downhill so fast. I am scared.
I’ve had massive amounts of blood work and nothing was found wrong with it. EKG was normal.
I see my family doctor again on Thursday. Just hoping and praying he can figure out what the hell is happening to me and that it is fixable.
Blood pressure way too low@ 64/40 so I am stopping atenolol.
Thyroid too high… lowering my synthroid from 150 mcg to 137.5 mcg.
I have lost 16 lbs since my last visit in August. WOO-HOO. I weigh less now than I did when I was 11! So happy. Rosie only weighs a handful of pounds more than me now.
Diabetes is controlled better now.
B-12, Iron, Vit D all were normal.
My low blood pressure is what was causing my dizziness.Almost passed out numerous times lately.
Doc also believes my thyroid being so high is contributing to my anxiety and depression.
I am praying that I start feeling better soon.
Sending prayers to my doctor who had a melanoma removed from her neck. Pray they were able to get it all.
I stopped ALL Artificial Sweeteners last night. Only gonna use the NATURAL Sugar called Stevia or small amounts of real sugar. That means No more Crystal Light Ice Tea for me… I normally drink almost a gallon a day. Going to attempt to drink water instead. Might buy some celestial seasoning tea made with Stevia.
Started chatting again with my Scottish cyber friend John. Hadn’t spoken since June of last year. Was nice to webcam with him again. Damn he looks GREAT! It was like we never stopped speaking. Makes me feel so at ease. I love that cheeky monkey!
Sending all my love and prayers to Rick and Shane who lost their mother recently. I know how rough it is. I lost my mom 7 years ago… at the young age of 63. I miss her more each passing day.
As many of y’all already know I suffer from depression and anxiety. Doctor changed my meds. Even before he did I had been experiencing episodes of dizziness, nausea, vomiting… and I *still* do. Almost fainted 3 times today. Really sick. Dad wanted to take me to the ER but I said no. They normally happen while I am sitting at home but today they happened while I was grocery shopping and at Starbucks. ( Got an unsweet Tea. YUMMY)
I may have to go to the hospital if these episodes continue.
Since Rosie got so sick last year I have been physically ill from the stress of it all.
Currently deeply depressed, worried, anxious…
I have had anxiety and depression off and on all my life but nothing as relentless as this…
Having panic attacks and social anxiety so severe that I don’t want to leave the house.
Having daily/nightly episodes of nausea, headaches, dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, racing heart, chest tightness, backaches, leg pains, feeling smothered…
Overpowering fatigue…
Feels like the weight of the world is on my chest…
Not thinking clearly…
Having brain fog…
Even having memory loss…
No matter what I do, I feel like I am facing impending doom.
Been spending more and more time in bed TRYING to sleep… which is fruitless. Might get in 2 hours sleep at a time. So restless.
I feel numb…
Like I am losing my mind…
Rosie is getting anxiety from worrying about me all the time.
All these symptoms came on in Oct/Nov last year when Rosie was hospitalized and so ill.
I am so afraid of something happening to her or to my Daddy Charles…
YET I am so verbally abusive, snappy, curt to them. Even cursing like a sailor… which is NOT the norm.
I won’t leave the house or go anywhere without Dad or Rosie. I haven’t even drove since October.
I stopped Cymbalta in January of this year since it seemed to no longer helped at all. I tapered off it.
Not sure what to do…. I truly think I need to see a psychiatrist. I have not seen one since Dr Casey left.
I know and admit I need help dealing with everything.
Been off cymbalta for a few weeks now. Still experiencing mood swings, jitteriness, panic attacks, confusion, muddled thoughts, anxiety, itchy and burning skin (mainly facial, eyes, ears). Benadryl does NOT even help. UGH!
Taking xanax but ONLY when I can’t even stand to be near myself.
Back on half a dose of buspar.Helps with my anxiety.
Taking ambien, trazodone, OR tylenol pm to sleep.
One GOOD thing about STOPPING cymbalta is the rapid weight loss. Lost 13 lbs already! Had some of my docs tell me previously that they thought the anti-depressants I was on had hampered my weight loss after gastric bypass… NOW I think they were right in that assumption. I am losing weight even without trying. I am the lowest I have weighed since I was 11/12 years old. Really pleased with the recent weight loss. Want to lose another 40 lbs or so.
Rosie is still losing weight. She is doing much better. Much stronger now. Had a very rough few months and at times Doctors did not think she would pull through. She is a survivor ! She hasn’t needed ANY feeding tube feedings in a few days. Eating well by mouth. Glucose is staying within a normal range. It has been getting so low that it could trigger brain damage. She even has started cooking again, so I know she is feeling better.
Switched from Charter Cable to Direct TV Satellite. Having issues with their internet for Movies on Demand. Tech is coming tomorrow to see what the problem is.
Have to go back to the eye doc for another checkup tomorrow since the eyeglass prescription I got was all messed up. Not sure the problem but getting a whole new checkup to check my eyes again.
Stressed about going out tomorrow. Social Anxiety has reared its ugly head again. So moody.
The other night… I had just taken Ambien when Rosie intercom-ed me to let me know her feeding pump was alarming. Barely made it to the pump.. . I was so out of it…. Lost my balance and fell. Her pump is near a wall with a narrow walkway. I more or less was stuck …. almost under her bed….. plus I was so weak (fibromyalgia) and sleepy that it took me over 45 min to get out of the floor. Thought I would have to spend the night in that cold ass floor. Thank God I was able to get up and make it back to my bed. The whole incident truly frightened Rosie… as well as myself.
Want to thank everyone for their thoughtful well wishes and prayers.
I knew it was gonna be difficult to get off cymbalta but never knew it was gonna be this rough. I have been taking the highest dosage for a few years now.
In November 2012, I started getting suicidal even though I was on the anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds Cymbalta, Buspar, Trazodone, and Xanax.
I an NOT sure what brought that episode on. Must be related to Rosie being so ill at the time.
A few weeks ago, I was STILL barely hanging on and since I was STILL in the depths of despair despite taking the pills which had previously helped me…
So, I decided to stop the pills listed above. I weaned myself off them. I had good days and bad days for awhile. BUT Lately it is nothing but bad ones.
I can NOT stand the way I am. Flying off the handle. Cursing. Being a downright bitch to everyone. Crying. Praying to die. I have not left the house in a week. Can not even get dressed during the day. Lucky that I do take a bath every other day.
My moods swing from hatred to rage to wanting to kill myself.
I did some research on detoxing form cymbalta and some doctors say that it is one of the most difficult pills to get off of. I have been off for a few weeks and NOT yet giving in to re-starting Cymbalta just to get these withdrawal symptoms to stop…. I have headaches, aches, pains, racing heart, itchy burning skin…
Only good thing is I have lost weight and the smallest I have been since I was 11/12 years old.
I stay away from Dad and Rosie most of the day since I am the epitome of evil right now. So I stay in my bedroom.
Started ambien just so I can sleep soundly for a few hours.
Rosie has a CT Scan in Knoxville tomorrow and I hate the thoughts of being in public. Just hope I can survive it all. Last time I went out I had a panic attack that drove me insane. Hated it.
I hate feeling like shit all the time.
I honestly have no idea what happiness is….
I am a pitiful mess.
I re-started a small dosage of buspar and at times I take a xanax so I can calm down a lil bit.
All my meds are doctor prescribed and I have NEVER once took more than I am suppose to.
All my thoughts are negative no matter how hard I try and be positive.
Just HATE myself.
Praying that I can learn to love myself and get over this episode.
Hoping it is ONLY an episode and that I can come out of this.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety ever since I was small. I have my ups and downs… currently in the worst down mood I have experienced in over 18 years. Not sure I can pull through this… I desperately am need of your prayers during this horrific episode. I surrender it all to the Lord. I need help. Send me the people and doctors who can help me deal and cope.
She got weighed today and has lost even more weight. So proud of her. She now weighs JUST 15 lbs more then I do. Dr Boyce is hoping he can remove her feeding tube in 3 weeks. She has been having a low grade fever. Dr. did blood work. Her WBC is up again. She is scheduled for a CT SCAN on Tuesday…. Boyce is afraid she is having colon abscesses again. HOPE NOT!
I got weighed today for the first time in a few weeks. Dropped another 10 lbs. Woo-Hoo! My newest jeans which I got about a month ago and were a little snug to say the least… are now too big. Hope to go jean shopping this weekend. Only gonna get one pair. Hope to be wearing a size 8-10 in a few weeks/months.
Still having panic attacks. Today’s episode lasted about an hour.
My sugar got too low this evening. Gonna to have to adjust my diabetes meds dosage.
Slept about 2 hours last night… even with Tylenol PM.. then a few hours later… a NYQUIL chaser. Exhausted. Hope I sleep better tonight.
The last 2 times I went to Knoxville I had people taking my picture or asking to take my pic. Must be looking HOT! I know I am.. even at 315 lbs I was a hot chickie.
Took Frenchie, our blue Pomeranian, to Knoxville today. She is tuckered out! Such a good lil traveler.
Life is improving for both Rosie and I. Blessed and grateful.
For the 1st time in 20 years I am completely OFF anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, hormones, and pain meds (Cymbalta, Xanax, Buspar, Trazodone, Hormone therapy and Lortab). Slowly tampered off but still detoxing from Cymbalta… headaches and brain zaps are not fun but I am coping.
Feeling so much better. Hoping that I continue to improve. Feeling more like myself.
Yes, I am having pain -FIBROMYALGIA- but using meditation and positive thoughts to deal with it.
I no longer have cravings for carbs and I am dropping weight! Assume it is due to stopping all those meds.
Even though I have not weighed myself in a few weeks, I know that I now weigh less than I EVER have as an Adult! Woo-Hoo! Heck, I may even weigh less than I did when I was 11-12 years old.
Enjoying the male attention and all my new suitors. So many men, so little time….
Rosie will be having surgery to lengthen her common channel of her intestines on January 29th, 2013. Hopefully it will. allow her to absorb her food, vitamins and minerals. Also will have a j-peg feeding tube installed which she will use for a few weeks. Please keep Rosie in your thoughts and prayers. THANKS!
I am so grateful that after 17 months that Rosie is on the road to recovery. In the last year or so she and I have spent over 60 nights in the hospital. She has been severely malnourished with numerous infections ever since she had gastric bypass and 2 hernia repairs. Blessed that the Doctors at UT Medical center decided to LISTEN to us and find out what was going on. She is now on IV TPN Feedings for her nutrition and MAY need them for life…. the docs STILL want her to eat anything she can tolerate as well. She is also on IV antibiotics once a day here at home.
Rosie is finally getting back to her self…. I have been complaining to her how forgetful she has been for months… I AM THE FORGETFUL ONE!!!!
I turned 47 this week. Had a Holiday Sangria…. my first of hopefully many more… LOL! YUMMY!
Over the last 6 months Rosie and I have been buying clothes, jewelry, cameras, luggage etc for our trip to DisneyWorld…. going to have to postpone it to Jan 2014. Want to make sure Rosie can enjoy the trip. So we have a few thousand dollars worth of new clothes, a new $2000 camera with all sorts of lens…. and tons of other stuff. I am gonna go through the clothes and see what holiday colored clothes I can drag out. :-) I have 5 new coats and 8 new pairs of shoes I had bought for the trip… just gotta FIND them.
Got a lovely RED lace off the shoulder LACE jumpsuit yesterday for $15.00… wearing it Christmas Eve or New Years Eve. Might go to Harrahs for New Years. :-)
Been a very stressful last 6 months. Rosie has been so ill… doctors did not think she would survive. She is so strong and has the will to live. LOVE HER!
I have been feeling like shit. I never have any energy even after sleeping for 12 hours. Can barely shop for an hour and I have to come home and rest. It is awful. I sweat profusely most the time… whether I am at home or out. I would understand it if I sweated when I was out due to panic attacks but it is happening at home now. I get drenched. It drains me. I see my family doc in early January, something has to be done. I have to be more energetic. I hate all these negative feelings I have…. I need the will to live. I hate being so angry and jealous of people. I get physically ill at some people and their religion and political beliefs. UGH! I wish I was not as compassionate as I am…. I care and worry about everyone too much.
For the past few years I have lacked Faith. Used to be certain of things and now I am not so sure.
I hate that I am so scared of starting a relationship. I had been talking to some men ONLINE last month but stopped. Just not sure I am meant to be loved or to be happy. I have young, sweet, humorous, wealthy, gorgeous men wanting to date me….. terrifies me. Never had friendships or relationships even in school. I was anti-social. STILL AM. I had a few friends but NO close ones. Looks like it will always be that way.
I have a few Web Friends who mean the world to me… especially Shane and Rick. I love them both and appreciate all their love, prayers, and support they have given to me and Rosie.
We didn’t put up a Christmas Tree till last Night. Rosie got a fiber Optic one in Pigeon Forge for 75% off. We are not putting any decorations or additional lights on it. Not wrapping any gifts. Since moving to Tennessee we don’t even get our thousands of Christmas Decorations out of storage. Christmas time is not the same without Mommy. She adored Christmas, Decorating, Parties…. Now it is ONLY Dad, Rosie, and I. We will prolly go see a Movie Christmas Day or Eve. We will make our famous Strawberry/Pineapple Punch, Ham Roll-ups, Shrimp CheeseBall and Pecan CheeseBalls. We prolly won’t make any cookies at all. Rosie hates SWEETS now.
My sugar has been a wreck lately from 90 to over 500. Stress is taking its toll on me. I know that most people who get over 250 should be hospitalized…. Stress makes me crave carbs and of course I overindulge and get sick. Was over 500 on my birthday.. It registered at 491 and the 2nd check it registered “HI” which means it was too high to read. I haven’t tested it since then. Maybe later…
It has been over 2 months since I wore makeup other than lippy. Dad told me yesterday that I was even more beautiful without it. Had so many people at the hospital tell me how gorgeous they thought I was. Boosted my confidence. One Doc called me and Rosie his Barbie Dolls and His Mini-Kardashians. LOL! He woke us up between 4:30 am and 6:30 am for weeks. He would see us with our sequined eye masks on…. LOL!
Haven’t had my nails done in 3 months now. They look pityful.
My extremely short one inch pixie haircut is growing out nice. I trimmed it about a month ago.. but no more cuts or trims for at least a year. Growing it out. It is very full and shiny now. LOVE IT! Hope to post a pic soon.
Rosie has lost about 80% of her hair due to being so ill. Finally starting to grow back in. I am grateful that I am able to add a hair piece to it and make it look spectacular for her. SO many compliments.
Rosie and I are getting up early and heading out shopping tomorrow.
Want to wish everyone a
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Snickers and Smoki
Our Newest addition… Frenchi … a blue/white Pomeranian
Rosie is feeling better today. I Pray that she continues to improve.
Having a problem keeping her sugar up. Sugar was been down to 53 and as high as 156.
They did new blood cultures this am to see how the sepsis is responding to treatment. The Dr Narro (infectious specialist) is changing the iv antibiotic from vancomycin to daptomycin… which healed her pelvic MRSA abscesses last August 2011.
Her hospitalist Dr Lawerence Smith is overseeing everything and restarting TPN feedings today. She has been off TPN since Monday.
Yesterday she had severe headaches and fever up to 101.4 which made her miserable. Sweats, Chills, Headaches, aches and pains….just plain feeling rotten. On Sunday her fever was 104.4.
They may end up moving her to another hospital but I guarantee it won’t be Specialty Select at North Knoxville… they are the reason she has this current infection… RN Ewa did NOT cap her IV and left it open and susceptible to infection… Epidermal Staphylococcus which is now all throughout her blood system and she is septic.
Doing an ultrasound on her heart to see if it has been infected.
Rosie is much more alert today. So glad she is not crying and moaning which she did ALL day yesterday. I hate seeing her so ill.
Rosie and I are missing all our puppies and kitty’s…. especially our newest addition FRENCHI which is a blue and white Pomeranian. Dad is having a blast with her. Pom’s are known as circus dogs…. she is so much fun and into everything! She dances, begs, twirls, chases her tail in a circle. All our dogs and cats are so much in love with her. Fascinated! Even Jazzi has taken up with her now. Dad made Frenchi a bed out of a box and a blanket. Rosie has ordered her a pink doggie bed house. Frenchi was in bed with dad and he woke up and couldn’t find her.. so he stripped his bed in search of her…. then looked all over the house and found her under his bed. He woke up later and couldn’t find her… stripped his bed and searched all over the house.. he eventually found her in her doggie bed in the living room. :-)
So glad I slept last night… it been 3 days without much sleep. I am so tired and stressed out.
Dad is on his way for a visit. Rosie asked him to sneak Frenchi into the hospital and he said NO.. I know there is no way he could control her.
Please pray for my cousin Brandy who is dealing with the loss of her Dad. Also pray for our newest cousin Brantley Kruz which was born 2 months early and weighs 2 lbs 15 oz. The EXACT same weight as Frenchi.
Severe chills, fever of 104.5, nausea, vomiting. Back to UT Medical Center by Ambulance. I am staying home… will be going down tomorrow. Sure they will admit her. Infectious disease doc said he figured she would be back, by all we have told him about prior experiences. She does well while on antibiotics by IV but not mouth. Not sure what they will end up doing long term. She and I did not sleep last night. Both wore out. Hope she sleeps in the ambulance/ER/Hospital. Prayers needed. THANKS
Rosie is still in the hospital. May get out tomorrow. They are working on getting all the components she will need at home i.e. TPN, Home Nursing, Health Aides, and Physical Therapists.
The medical director told Rosie he has hopes that once she gets home ad starts eating that her body will start working much better and that surgery is a long way off.
Rose ate so well today. Proud of her. Ate all her turkey at lunch and finished off all her ham at supper.
I have felt bad all day…. Achy joints and muscles. TRIED to nap unsuccessfully.
Going to bed early tonight. Rosie and I have been staying up past 1 am for over a week.
Still searching for a puppy. Have our eyes on some malti-poos, shih tzu and pomeranians.
Rosie MAY get released from the hospital tomorrow. Have to get all her docs on board.
They tried to put in a nasal gastric feeding tube TWICE today without success. Could NOT even get it past her nose.
Then Her doc, surgeon, and dietician got together and ALL seemed to agree that Rosie’s gastro-intestinal track will no longer absorb food, nutrients, vitamins, minerals, etc which would make the nasal feedings worthless anyway. Telling us that she will need to have her gastric bypass surgery REVERSED. Major operation with all sorts of possible complications. Either reverse the surgery or she will require TPN feedings…which feed her through the veins and not the stomach…. for the rest of her life. Not sure insurance will cover that. It is EXPENSIVE. The TPN has to be custom made every few days… after checking her labs… and then couriered to us… a roundtrip of 70-80 miles. Plus she will need a home nurse test her blood every 3-4 days. Plus their is the MAJOR risk of infection in her picc line. Assume they would have to put in a central line… more worries!
Dad is buying Rosie a puppy for Christmas. Right now we are looking at a 7 week old Shih Tzu in a shelter. Gonna call in the morning to see IF they still have her. IF not the search continues. We are seeking a female that will weigh less than 10 lbs as a adult, so that Rosie can carry her around in her wheelchair. We have found so many dogs that we like…. sadly so many are too far away, too expensive, or of the leg cocking and marking everything in site variety. Really hate to pay $500 for a dog but we may have to in able to get a dog that Rosie wants.
Hoping tonight’s shower is the last time I have to shower in a hospital for a long time.
Rosie has been feeling great the past few days. Since August she has been unable to balance herself when she sits up…. today she was able to sit up without any support and without leaning to the side or back. YAY!
Just hope that she doesn’t need gastric bypass reversal till after the New Year IF she needs it at all. Praying for a miraculous healing of her body. Surrendering it to God.
Thanks for all your prayers and support they mean the world to Rosie and I.
Rosie is doing so much better that she told her doc that she is ready to get out of here! Been in the hospital for 31 STRAIGHT days now. Spent a total of 7-8 weeks in the hospital in the last year!!!! AND….. I have never left her side. I am such a good sissy!
She is so much stronger. Praise God.
She is still anemic and asked for a blood transfusion. Will get it later today.
She also asked for a nasal feeding tube to TRY it out before going home. If she DOES NOT like it … then she will go home on IV feedings… that is IF insurance will pay for it. Will also go home on a catheter.
Infectious Disease doc wants to do another day or two more of antibiotics.
THEN…..
HOME SWEET HOME!
Gonna do feedings for 3-4 weeks while at home while she ATTEMPTS to eat REAL food. If she does well, she will stop the feedings… eat real food ONLY and see what her blood levels do.
Docs at UT Medical Center told her her protein levels were the lowest they has ever encountered. SEVERELY Malnourished.
So glad that these docs and hospitals *finally* listened to us! She is lucky to be alive.
Dad is buying Rosie a puppy for Christmas. Trying to find a SMALL dog. I want one under 10 lbs when full grown… but Rosie wants a pug which will weigh 15-20+ lbs as an adult. Really think she would love a dog that she can carry around with her. We are talking to a few breeders about various dogs. Found a Blue Merle Pomeranian…. Will go and get her tomorrow IF she is still available.
Just sick and tired of staying at the hospital. Can’t wait to get home and be attacked by my dogs and cats… will be showered with love and kisses from them all…. or at least I hope to be. :-)
Grateful for the friendship I have with Shane and Rick. Just emailing or chatting with them relaxes me so much. They mean the world to me. BLESSED! Love you guys! Shane is the one who talked me into blogging again. :-)
